The devil is inside me

[ROOBIO]

I have had some deep awakenings over the past month. Utterly profound. Even though these awakenings were deep, the aftermath was pure suffering. 

I realise the devil has been operating my life since I was a teenager. It is so paradoxical because it is apart of oneness. But it feels like it is separate.

And now it is stronger then ever before. I have seen what is lurking within my unconscious mind and it is not pretty.

All the worst things I could have possibly thought about myself has arisen into my awareness. It is paralysing. It is scary. It is hard to see it as an illusion because it is so powerful. I am scared. I am confused. I am lost. I can’t do anything. 

My emotions are completely out of control. I have lost my mind. There is so sense of any grounding to my reality. One moment I cry, one moment I am paralysed with anxiety. Taking my away ability to make any desicions.

I have lost interest in material aspects of life, and I have reduced me social circle to literally a couple of people and family. I  struggle to relate to my family any more because they are so different. They don’t have the same values. It is hard to keep any relationships with this peculiar, intense yet strangely synchronistic experience going on. Heck I am losing my ability to communicate and form sentences with people. 

The only thing I know I can do is to meditate more. I am in too deep now. I guess I have to continue and  work through this stuff. I am only 24, sometimes I wonder weather to leave this work for a later time. But I can’t I have seen some deep shit. I can’t go back to my materialistic life. 

But my meditation are scary. The sensations get more intense, they get more dark. I have images/thoughts of suicide or killing others. And I never knew I am capable of thinking these thoughts and feeling these feelings.

One thing is to just observe these feelings, these thoughts it will pass.  

Has anyone experienced this after having awakening experiences? 

 

 

Edited November 9, 2019 by ROOBIO

[Leo Gura]

This is fairly typical if you go deep into the work.

The devil is not controlling you. The devil is purely imaginary.

If you're feeling lost and down, you can lean on the power of love.

Self-love is what you are missing.

Psychedelics can give you a powerful love awakening which really helps to take the sting out of this work.

[Conscious life]

I face the same thing before, when you go after Sprituality, don't ignore also materialism they are the same coin flipped, one can't exist without the other. 

You have to go slowly, enjoy both aspects of life. Sprituality at first will seduce you that materialism isn't the aim of life but later they both collapse with each other. 

When you do meditation do also motivation.

Listen to motivation tapes, quote, people, etc

And find your inner motivation for life and death. What are the things you want to live your life for and want to die for it. 

For example 

Jesus lived for truth and died for love, this was his motivation, find your inner motivation. 

2 hours ago, ROOBIO said:

Has anyone experienced this after having awakening experiences? 

 

 

Yes. 

[VeganAwake]

@ROOBIO  Self-love and positive affirmation do wonders:

"I love myself exactly the way I am"(100 times a day)

I would also recommend maybe talking to a trusted counselor and sharing some of your emotions. 

Don't resist Just Surrender ❤

[ROOBIO]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

This is fairly typical if you go deep into the work.

The devil is not controlling you. The devil is purely imaginary.

If you're feeling lost and down, you can lean on the power of love.

Self-love is what you are missing.

Psychedelics can give you a powerful love awakening which really helps to take the sting out of this work.

What are the best ways to practice self love?

 

3 hours ago, Conscious life said:

I face the same thing before, when you go after Sprituality, don't ignore also materialism they are the same coin flipped, one can't exist without the other. 

You have to go slowly, enjoy both aspects of life. Sprituality at first will seduce you that materialism isn't the aim of life but later they both collapse with each other. 

When you do meditation do also motivation.

Listen to motivation tapes, quote, people, etc

And find your inner motivation for life and death. What are the things you want to live your life for and want to die for it. 

For example 

Jesus lived for truth and died for love, this was his motivation, find your inner motivation. 

Yes. 

Ok I understand. Don’t slack. Still work out, still focus on you LP.

Mix the inner Jihad with the outer Jihad.

2 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

@ROOBIO  Self-love and positive affirmation do wonders:

"I love myself exactly the way I am"(100 times a day)

I would also recommend maybe talking to a trusted counselor and sharing some of your emotions. 

Don't resist Just Surrender ❤

Will give this a shot, thank you so much !