Always starting fresh again and again

[JessicaKatherine]

Okay so I've come a really long way since my awakening of my awareness and the start of my ego death, But currently I still feel so stuck in my own prison. I've been learning recently to let this run its course with years to come. 

 

These days unlike years ago I feel more self accepting and conscious of my decisions and how they effect myself and others. 

 

Ive gotten over chastising my actions and judging others based on my criteria. 

 

My problem would be, the more conscious I become the more that falls away and the more I become sensitive to myself. This is a problem because I still feel the pain of delusion and the reality that some habits still cling strongly regardless of a still growing conscious. I suppose it definantly comes in layers and with layers I feel cleaner, I am not completely clean of myself. This is to say at this point without running from myself but from self acceptance and still knowing that there is confusion and obstacles with reaching my better self. 

I cant get myself to stick to a sturdy plan of action although some self discipline has grown. It's hard when I know I should be doing better and shame on me. I'm letting myself down. 

 

My feelings today while I make a conscious French onion soup is that I feel bad for my own delusion and offer my condolences to my confusion and self pity. 

I am always hitting reset on my decisions for the better. Here's to a new now and always starting fresh again and again.