My Life My journey - Book 1

[Annoynymous]

Here, i am going to write about my life, with it's goal & progress,  future missions, success & failures and other observation.

Looking Forwarf to it

[Annoynymous]

11/08/2019

I have got a bunch of goals at this point my life:

1. Giving IELTS exam

2. Running E-commerce business

3. Fish Farming Business

4. Preparing for admission for getting A MBA degree

5. Starting affiliate Marketing  business

6.Dealing with personal trauma & emotions

7.  Considering dating & finding relation

Mostly i will be talking about these issues.

[Annoynymous]

Today so far, i am facing trouble.

I was suddenly called up from asleep. My mother is sick. She is in a bad condition. It's nothing new now-a-days, but i feel overwhelmed. Almost every day i woke up hearimg bad news about my mom's bad physical condition which makes me sad and depressing. It is hard to do works if you start your day such badly.

I only practiced ielts listening. Usually i am able to do very good at this test practice but today, i was distracted and scored less than i usually do.

I am not feeling motivated to do other work. Day is not over yet. I have made a routine of things i need to do each day but when i fell short, i end up feeling disappointed about it.

I need to be ok with failing here and there.But i don't have any clue on how to deal with this depression and bad mood created by my family condition. 

[Annoynymous]

My mood's been improved a bit.

I have completed two others tasks that i supposed to complete schedule-wise.

Still, there is a melancholic feeling somewhere inside of me...

[Annoynymous]

11/09/2019

I have been contemplating on my future plans for last couple of hours and at this point, i see many fresh opportunities and some obstacles ahead of me.

It will be difficult to choose, to manage & to stratagise.

I want to move to abroad, ultimately. But my parents are too old, i don't know how they gonna react to it.

Plus i am also worried about the environment to where i intend to move. I fear that i might end up getting caught in wage slavery there, which won't be a good thing.

I want the financial independence. So it will be a tricky choice. Let's see about what can be done...  

[Annoynymous]

Trying to sort out my future plans.

Feeling optimistic

[Annoynymous]

I was considering about migrating to Germany and doing some research and plan on this.

But plan got halted as i talked with a senior of my university. He said it would be difficult to get a job by getting higher degree from social science (i have completed my graduation in social science).

A bit disappointed. But what i have learned from that is it not wise to be emotionally excited before testing the water. Bigger the excitement , bigger the disappointment.  

[Annoynymous]

11/10/2019

Ok.

Now i am thinking about moving to canada. Lol

It seems my thinking on moving outside my country is relentless

Anyways, canada looks good, in fact, very good in many cases.

One problem though. Too much cold to cope with

Well, i guess no land is fairyland.

So,  let's see.... 

[Annoynymous]

11/11/2019

Feeling a sort of melancholy.

Today is a bit of cold in my city. Seems like winter is coming.

Thinking about many things. My mind is relatively at peace today.

But there is a feeling of "missing something"

Although i do not know, what exactly am i missing

Thinking about attracting girls, then again,  i ask myself, what is the point?

Like it is gonna end badly, like it ended before.

Seems like i am looking for something like "eternal peace" by attracting girls and being in a relationship with them.

But it's impossible, that is what i think/belief.

It's a two side coin.

Pleasure comes with pain.

[Annoynymous]

"Dump her before she dumps you"

[Annoynymous]

How to recognise a bad thinking pattern?

A thinking "pattern" is quite significant. Because it dictates the structure of my motivation and phyche, by which i am sustaining my "identity".

Basically it is a self serving,  self sustaining and status quo maintaining process.

It is in the structure on which the contents run on.

Structure = tv

Content= tv channel

.................................................... 

Structure = a kind of tv channel. Example: Discovery channel

Content= shows that run on the Discovery channel.

WOW!

I think i kinda got the point what Leo was talking about.

Structure within a structure

Going meta within a meta!

Really amazing, as well as difficult to understand...

 

[Annoynymous]

11/12/19

It's been a very busy day.

I am working in establishing an aquaculture business (basically a research project, it will fly only if it becomes successful). Somehow i have found some fulfilment through it.

I felt like it gave me a sense of purpose. A cause to live, to get up.

What is the souce of existance of life really?

Well, it is meaningless, until you give a meaning.

Giving a meaning is the beginning of a structure on which all the contents are being run.

Structure is so fucking important, because it can explain the "nature" of all content running your life.

Content is just a glimps, but structure is the mother of giant fucking whale.

Structure= operating system

Content = all apps

[Annoynymous]

11/13/19

Well i got 2 business parter and one of them is giving me some serious tension.

He is my school friend and basically he motivated me to start business with him. Problem is talking the talk but not walking the walk.

He is too lazy to take practical steps that is to be done. Sometimes he is just downright careless.

I don't know how much i should invest my money, mind and effort in these projects. If he carries on with his irresponsibility, i will definately consider my investment. 

Edited November 12, 2019 by Annoynymous

[Annoynymous]

Now a days i am unable to sleep, even if i am tired and wanna get some sleep.

But i dealy. Delay a lot.

It's thinking and my vision for future keeps me awake.

I don't think it's serving me well.

[Annoynymous]

My crazy thought (maybe?!) :

I think there is two types of people one earth.

One who is hurt and the other who is going to get hurt.

[Annoynymous]

accidentally i saw my ex today.

I saw her in one of my friend's fb story.

I felt like shit.

At first, i was getting emotional. But now i feel pure anger.

I have decided to 100% avoid her even if i see her face to face.

She will be like a death to me. 

[Annoynymous]

I still remember how she treated me our last day conversation. Like a pure garbage.

I see her now as if she is pure garbage.

Nasty person.

[Annoynymous]

Are "good things" "for me" really "good things" for "everyone"?

I think not.

[Annoynymous]

Identifying people who are psychopath, narcissist, sociopath & bpd is not a easy thing.

I didn't put much thinking on them. Whenever i used to think of them, i thought they would be like some weirdos, mad kind of people, the kind that's  been shown on movies.

But they are not like that. They are like normal people, at least superficially. It's not easy for people to see them as who they are, because they mask themselves almost perfectly.

Here's some way to indentify them (according to me) :

-- they will talk about something in a way, but do it in an entirely opposite way.

-- they will excessively flatter or praise you, give you a sense of comfort at first. But very soon they will use their "fake comfort zone" to control you, excessively.

-- they will sometimes show emotions by saying how you wronged them, they will do it when you are not at fault/or you are at a little fault. But they will exaggerate that and make you feel guilty/ashamed. 

-- after making you guilt trip, suddenly they will act like as if nothing has happened. This behaviour will continue for time to time and make you wonder and ride on an emotional rollar coaster. You will be puzzled.

-- They will gaslight your problems. 

-- They will insult you badly which normally people don't do.

-- they can be self centred and really very selfish. Sometimes you can sense it coming out of them.

 

Edited November 13, 2019 by Annoynymous

[Annoynymous]

I am I and you is you

There is no "you" in "I"