The Path, Living & The Dream Board

[Nahm]

@zeroISinfinity ☺️

Was about to type “Thanks, I love me-you” and it hit me.....mu. 

Love mu! ??

[zeroISinfinity]

Yeah ❤️. Love mu! 

[mandyjw]

@zeroISinfinity My guru dog is Mu, (Muninn, Mu for short). Reality is loopy today. Or maybe it's just me. And there it goes AGAIN. 

[Waken]

@Nahm just read just story and felt I got some value from it. Thank you for sharing.
I'm wondering how long you meditated before the awakenings started, could you say?:)

[Nahm]

@Waken

Around twenty years, just about everyday at least once. Keep in mind, I hadn’t heard of “awakening”, let alone any of the plethora of insight and information @Leo Gura has shared with us. The awakening is what led to finding actualizing.org. God bless it. 

[Waken]

@Nahm 20 years, ah okay I thought you just had done it some years. Thanks!

[Nahm]

@Waken I think I see where the notion may have arose. The inspection work & understanding was done the last couple of years prior to the awakening, and imo was much more the ‘catalyst’ than the meditation. The meditation just cleared and calmed the mind, and to a large extent the body, nervous system, etc. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Nahm Could be worth doing a post on that very topic.

I was meditating 2 years before I found the forum, and then enlightenent became real for me.

I imagine lots of people think Meditation x Time = Full awakening. But the shadow work or deeper understanding of reality is where it's at imo.

[Nahm]

@Raptorsin7  

I’ll give it some thought. Thanks! 

[zeroISinfinity]

@Nahm MIND flourished my beloved. 

It's all given all opened. 

It is Soul it is Soul. 

I am concious of ME. 

So ashamed for never realizing I am this thing ❤️ was so lost. 

Edited March 31, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[Felli]

Thanks for the inspiration and wisdom @Nahm

 

I have a larger whiteboard and its a pain in the ass to set up. What have you guys used to hang it up?

 

 

Edited April 1, 2020 by Felli

[mandyjw]

@Felli Did it come with hardware? Mine had screw holes under the corner covers. I had to pull them off, then had to measure and mark the holes, drill them, put in drywall anchors, (unless you hit a stud), then use the screws to put the board up and replace the corner covers. Here's a few different options depending on your wall and board. There's also lots of videos on youtube with different options, you can use adhesive if you need to. Probably not a great idea if the board is very heavy though. https://www.wikihow.com/Hang-a-Whiteboard

[Felli]

@mandyjw I found the holes,  can fit them in the wall now.Thank you 

[zeroISinfinity]

@Nahm Have deep spiritual question for you. 

Ok since I am God and always been. It seems that my rejoyce and accepting Enligthenment in full scope (what it really is) and since I am fully One with Every One it seems that my rejoyce is helping somehow. 

Could that be the case? 

To be  estatic and happy and joyful and all of that + (to stop playin' small in caravan sense too), could that be that all ONEs follow that since I am connected? 

It can't be that epic man? 

Is it to whom or what or is it important?What's btw 2?

Edited April 7, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[lennart]

On 8.11.2019 at 2:20 PM, SoothedByRain said:

Have some beauty in return for yours dear @Nahm

 

Man that is beautyful. The music and the art ???

[Nahm]

@zeroISinfinity

(Sorry, didn’t see your post till now)

That is a great inquiry. Yes. One can never align another, but one can align, and others have an example to reference. You can help another to align by sharing, but only they can ‘close their gap’. In a beautiful way, there is nothing you can do for another, but by the time another understands why, they’re aligned. 

@lennart Thank you ?? and you as well. ♥️

[Nahm]

Abundance

Reality is unconditional. There is no line, no separation, no disconnection, between your wanting and your experience of it coming. Notice this in your own life experience. Never has reality imposed or even expressed a condition upon you. You are the maker, the creator, of conditions. No matter how it may seem, there is no exception to this. Inspect those ‘exceptions’, see what no one else has seen. Undertake the adventure & the metadventure, and you will enjoy the fullest life possible. You are creating conditions, and what you are wanting is always coming. Superposition is superposition, experience is via limitation. What you are wanting is coming, from a stateless state of being every possible thing. You, are this stateless state, which is becoming what is referred to as, experience. 

The inner work, inspecting and scrutinizing your psychology & conditions is fundamental. Thinking rooted in measurement & comparison of the ‘millionaires of the world’ is abstraction mistaken as actuality. It’s useful of course, but don’t identify with it. You don’t know the subjective experience of another, because they are you dreaming it. Thought, in conjunction with perception, is used to trick ourselves into objectivity, which does not, and can not exist in experience. When it seems it does, you’ve discovered attachment to thoughts. Let thought go in such a case, detach. Notice how it feels. (Good). 

Your experience is only subjective. You can override your own intrinsic source of all desire, passion &  inspiration, with self referential thinking and becoming the hard worker, who powers through, but this is a distant second to the true power, which is joy. The simple joy of presence, of enjoying this moment, whatever it is. 

This is not a physical world a you is in, it is a co-creative dream appearing within you. Weed out self referential thinking & beliefs, seeing through your conditions, self discovering, as it is the greatest experience possible. It’s why you dreamt in the first place. Simply being the infinity you are, you already “have it all”. Life is just for the passing experience of it, for love, togetherness, fun, thrills. Being is viscerally known in thriving, in giving your best, in giving yourself away. 

You’ll inevitably see that money, and every way you look at it, you are literally, entirely, making up. The maker of condition, is the maker of meaning. Thoughts arise to the contrary of this...inspect them, understand directly, why they don’t resonate. You can ‘have it all’, joy, fun, millions, relationships, passion, desire, travel, love, etc. Everything you experientially want to have and to feel. Accept advise, information, testimonies, learn from it, etc, but never ever ‘listen’ to anyone one iota above the source within you. That is the source of your dream, of reality, of the entirety of this universe. Listen to source. It is the infinite creator you truly are, and it loves you unconditionally. Money is not your power, alignment is your true power. It is prior to all psychology, which is the only place human power “exists”. No one has it, there is only the facade, and giving it away, by believing anyone but you could ever have it. It’s a cosmic sized joke. 

[Dua]

@Nahm I read your post and I am feeling motivated to do Meditation as I think I can help me. I tried meditation before as I know it really helps but my problem is whenever I sit for meditation Restless Leg syndrom kicks in.. and I can't sit still, can't keep my sitting posture for long.. RLS becomes worst as my body gets into the state of relaxation.. It happened 90% of times.. Other times I got sleepy when I started meditation. 

What would you suggest?

And, I posted on this forum about my problem and someone shared a link to this thread. Can you please look into my post and suggest me what should I do..

I am totally hopeless now.. 

 

 

[Nahm]

@Dua

 I read your post and I am feeling motivated to do Meditation as I think I can help me.

Yes you can indeed! I’d look to meditation as not so much a motivation to get somewhere or fix anything, but more a calling to come back home, prior to all of the experiencing, all the phenomena, all the activity & concerns. A completeletting go, without exception. This would be most helpful, paradoxically, because it is a break from the thinking there is something wrong with you which then ‘needs’ to be helped / fixed. What stands to be let go, is what is prior to the rls. Understand this simply as much as you do without assuming anything is being missed, be open to this, but yet at the same time, do not make meditation out to be something that will “fix” this, but rather, a break from it, relief from it, some peace and healing in regard to it, by letting it go. 

“Let thought go”, indirectly, as just a byproduct of being attentive to hearing, breathing & feeling, like you never have before. Like, you have heard of chocolate bars before, but now you’re going to explore Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. There is great wonder to be experienced in hearing, breathing, and feeling. WAY more than there is in thinking. By letting go of the thinking of the world, the world reveals it’s wonder. Leave all the “life stuff” behind in meditation. Viscerally explore the other-than-thinking, of hearing, breathing & feeling. Let go of the body, and let go of the body within the body, again and again. Let go to the bone. Then let the bones go. Like an Olympic runner is set on running fastest, you set on letting go and relaxing deepest. Complete opposite. No incentive, no effort, no goal. See how deeply you can let go, how deeply you can relax. Olympic “level” of letting go.  Let go more than any  one  ever  has,  ever. Not to gain anything - just to relax.  

It can be helpful initially, to make two precise labels / categories: ALL experience of living, the entirety of it, is: “Everythingness”....but meditation does not go in that label / category....meditation is: “Nothingness”. Meditation is not like Everythingness. There are no matters of concern in meditation, no thing to be fixed or solved. It’s a break from Everythingness, and everythingness includes everything. 

Meditation will not “fix” anything. But wouldn’t it be great to have total clarity on the rls? In meditation, that is, in letting go...Everythingness is let go, and Nothingness is more pronounced, more present if you will. This Nothingness, this Emptiness, is clarity. Literally. So if clarity is desired, letting go is the way. 

 

I tried meditation before as I know it really helps but my problem is whenever I sit for meditation Restless Leg syndrom kicks in.. and I can't sit still, can't keep my sitting posture for long.. RLS becomes worst as my body gets into the state of relaxation.. It happened 90% of times.. 

I’d see a doctor and get a physical with a full blood work up, specifically checking iron. Let the dr know all medications and substances in your system, so they can deduce any interactions that might be going on. Then I would consider that the rls arises when you meditate because there is a response from the nervous system to ’get up and go’...as not to feel what might be coming. It could be that there is a belief something is going to be ‘faced’ in meditation. Something from the past perhaps, a ‘having learned to run’, or ‘avoid’, to cope. Perhaps someone passed unexpectedly, and there are ideas of and fear of death maybe, hard to say. 

What is inevitably seen via letting go / meditation, is that the pure nature of this experience, is not a past, nor is any thing scary coming, including “death:...there is only but thoughts about things, arising, now. The experience of the relationship between feeling and the past changes over time in accordance with the seeing that there is no past, and that “it”, is but a thought, arising now. This is to “let go” and “realize the now”, or, to directly experience presence, mindfulness, or  “this peace”  as Mooji says. Feeling + past is very very different than feeling + a thought (About a past). Again, it takes a while to realize this, but meditation is not about realizing anything, it’s just letting go of everything. Realization is not like training for the Olympics...realization occurs when thought is let go (by focusing on hearing, breathing & feeling). 

Listen to the body, - it is the teacher. Like it is the infinite intelligence that it is. Stop “not liking how it feels” - and starting humbly listening to what it is “saying” to you. Wiggle your fingers, and then try to explain how “you did” it, and you’ll see what I’m pointing to. See what the body is doing with regard to rls, and ask “what is it telling me here? What is it subtly teaching me? What can I learn here?” Such inquiry as this, will pair with what you read in your dream journal.  Lighten up, drop any seriousness. This place is a game. Reality showers you with what you want, and do not resist. Reality is unconditional, you hold, or don’t hold, conditions. If you resist / hold conditions, reality showers you in clues regarding well being & letting go. I am not insightful, nor enlightened, nor awake, nor anything but parallel, we’re in the exact same boat. I am only one such clue, coming & going in your adventure. You can pretend to control this adventure, you can project subjectivity onto ’me’ - or you can experience this gift for you that is this miracle of your life, humbly in the front row seat of living it. Always up to you. Don’t assess me...feel....this message resonates, or it doesn’t. 

Love the body, and allow it to release emotion. Of habit, thought attempts again and again to weave a story out of the arising emotional release. This is thought “trying to control the body”, acting preventatively to the body releasing. It is an act of innocent defense. For example, a thought could arise about the past, and feeling begins flushing the body of misunderstanding / emotion...but then the feeling of that flushing gets labeled as “bad” or “uncomfortable”  - in / by, thought - and is suppressed.

When this occurs - simply return to hearing, breathing, & feeling. 

Thought will kick it up a notch, attempting to convince you “something’s wrong”....

When this occurs - simply return to hearing, breathing, & feeling. 

Thought will take it to the extreme. Thought will “empty both barrels”, become grandiose, wild, self important, projection indulgent....

When this occurs - simply return to hearing, breathing, & feeling. 

There is nothing to solve, nothing to figure out....

When this occurs - simply return to hearing, breathing, & feeling. 

When thought labels feeling - don’t believe the labels!

When this occurs - simply return to hearing, breathing, & feeling.

 

That is how sneaky thought is. Feeling is always accurate and is never, ever, wrong. This is the importance of letting thought go, and what is hopefully conveyed by all or any of the words (above).   Please keep in mind, when I say feeling, I am talking about that-there-is-feeling, pure sensation - I am not talking about emotions...when this occurs - simply return to hearing, breathing, & feeling.

Peacefully allow this emptying out of the mind and body. Let it all go, and lovingly wish it well. Appreciate it all, it did serve you. In gratitude, allow it all safe passage up, and out. Love this way, that way, inward, outward, love all around. Love all that arises - do not label and judge. Don’t consider wether or not any facet of what arises is deserving of love, nor wether or not you have the capacity to love it - that is sneaky thought. Just love. No reason, no justifying it. Just love. 

 

 

Having said all that... if sitting meditation is ‘too much’, if it’s overwhelming...don’t ‘power through’ it. Break from it, and write about how you’re feeling in a journal, on actual paper, with a pen or pencil. 

If that is too overwhelming, do walking meditation, and then writing about how you feel. While walking, concentrate visually, straight ahead. Notice thoughts arising, and return attention to seeing, straight ahead. Known that this concentrating ‘outward’, will allow the source ‘within’ to ‘rise up within’, and thus clear out anything emotionally speaking, which is a ‘blockage’ in terms of, concentration. Have a good look around while walking. That is what it looks like when the infinite being you truly are, concentrates itself. Hear the birds. They’re singing to you. Their song is otherwise purposeless, though thoughts arise. Let them go, to feel the song.

Also, you can practice walking meditation, and by focusing on all other-than thinking (seeing, hearing, breathing, feeling)....there is peace, and it is likely insights will arise. It can be most helpful and efficient to have your phone with you, and to voice-to-text the insights and save them. This way it is captured for later if you want it, but more importantly, in knowing it is captured, you easily readily ‘return’ to the other-than-thinking (seeing, hearing, breathing, feeling) / the peace. The ‘letting go’ / emptying ...’resumes’. 

 

Other times I got sleepy when I started meditation. 

Meditation is best first thing in the morning, right after ‘sleeping’. You might also try yoga, as it’s more physical and you’re less likely to get tired or sleepy. I’d google “the many types of yoga”, or something like that, and you’ll naturally attract some practices to experience directly. 

Also, consider keeping a dream journal next to your bed, and writing in it every morning wether there is a dream to log or not. If there was no dream, just write “no dream last night”. This builds the awareness of dreams, and dreams give you messages. The message is usually not clear upon awakening, but later, after the emotion has subsided, what you wrote in the journal can be suddenly very clear and insightful. Don’t assume linear time in this manor either. Something might occur in the ongoing of your day, and the dream suddenly ‘clicks’ as a major insight. Connecting with dreams btw, is connecting through intuition. Lots of awesome experience arises from this.  

Screen diet for sugar, caffeine, tobacco, alcohol, additives & preservatives, etc, and eating a low calorie nutrient dense diet, and not eating after 7 or 8 pm. I’d google ‘cleaning out the pineal gland’ too. The more choices the mind makes in the name of well being of the body, the better. Choosing well being is awakening. 

Also, are you sleeping at night, with the circadian cycle? (Vs working nights and sleeping during the day, or staying up late & sleeping in). For what it’s worth, if you aren’t...you would likely get a better night’s sleep if you slept naked, in 69 degrees or less (with a blanket), and avoid using screens at night in bed. Read a book, or write, instead. 

Exercise, specifically aerobic or cardio, and weight resistance / weight lifting, would likely help a lot. Doesn’t need to be anything major, just enough to change the percentage of fat & muscle a little. This can ‘awaken’ the tiny subtle ‘muscles’ prior to ‘the muscles’. At the very least, deep stretching and breathing into the stretches a few times a day. You might already be doing all or some of this, idk. 

 

I am totally hopeless now.. 

Beliefs like that are let go in meditation. You’re fine. Everything is fine. Don’t suppress desire, express desire. 

8 hours ago, Dua said:

Hello, 

I am stuck in my life and I am not able to understand what is wrong because apparently nothing is wrong at all..

About me:

I am 30 and living in a lower middle class family and we hardly make ends meet. I stopped my studies after high school and after that done nothing in my life. I've been in depression for a long time but then it got normal. I spent a lot of my time after high school in thinking thinking and thinking. There is a lot but now I am grown up enough to actually "Grow up" in my life. From last 3 years I am trying to do something for myself and my family, specially my mother and my father. I want to give them the life they never had, and don't even think of.

 

Quote

I can write and I have written content for many websites online and they appreciated my work, but I can't work. It sounds silly but yes, I can't work, I can't write. I overthink a lot.. for every new project my thoughts are, will they like my work? what if they rejected my work? what if they will not give me any work for long term then how will i earn? etc etc etc..

Meditation is the way. It’s wholly counter logical (logic = Everythingness), and presently counterintuitive in your experience (ya could use more Nothingness, which brings intuition and awesomeness to your life & experience). It will become crystal clear that meditation is always the ’answer’, because you define there is a problem, and then you claim you are ‘stuck’. In meditation, all is let go, and clarity arises where a ‘problem’ was believed to be. There are likely substances and or choices of diet at play, which were adopted to cope with the feeling, which was labeled In misunderstanding, and which there wasn’t anything ‘wrong’ with in the first place. Totally not your fault though. We believe what we are taught to believe. BUT then we meditate, and let all that nonsense go. 

Quote

Then I thought about working on my own blog/website because I know content writing, SEO and stuff. I know exactly what and how to do, but I am stuck.. Again like a loser.. 

You’re not really stuck. This is classic writer’s block and it is a tricky facade. You’re creating the ‘stuckness’, but aren’t yet aware of how / what you’re doing to create it. In the misunderstanding, a thought, “like a loser” arises. This is a thought which labels feeling, and identifies with that labeling. This is believing a thought and weaving an identity out of thought, so ‘you’ can be right about the feeling being wrong. But feeling is infinitely ‘right’ , pure goodness... and the thoughts & beliefs are not in alignment with feeling.  Hopefully you’re connecting the dots here, and realizing meditation is the way.  Letting go, is the way. 

Thought is just, thought. You are not a writer, there is an experience of writing. Writing can never be good or bad, there is an experience of judging, critiquing. You’re ‘pushing feeling out of the writing’...by labeling feeling & identifying with the label, yet feeling is what most behooves writing. Feeling is not a separate ‘thing’ from the experience of, writing. Again, before any writing occurs....wiggle those fingers first, explain precisely how ‘the writer’ is doing that, and you’ll find you can not, because there is no writer. 

Quote

I spend my time in front of computer screen and I know where to start I know what to do, I start doing that too.. but then again.. I stop doing it and I find myself wasting my time again.. and I can't help it.. 

I know the answer is to just do it... just start it.. etc etc .. but how? Please motivate me.. help me.. 

Go ‘the other way’. Don’t “just do it”. Relax, hear, breathe, feel. Feel within the body, like the whole body is a sensory antenna, ‘picking up’ all the feeling, all the writing. The best thing you could do, imo, is drop the whole writing thing. Completely drop it. If you feel inspired to write, then do so. Otherwise, just let it go. Put the outcome of it ahead of your enjoyment of it - and it’s lost. Let it go for a while. This entire experience, this entire universe, is precisely as it appears - completely relative - to you. It’s literally a gift for you. The experience of writing, is not something ‘you have to do’ - it’s experience you get to enjoy. 

Thinking like “there is a problem with me” IS the “problem”. As such - there really isn’t a problem. You’re believing the thoughts “that there is a problem”. Nothing is wrong with you. “Wrong” is only a judgement, a thought. Judgmental thoughts do not feel good. Let. Them. Go. You wouldn’t hold a burning hot coal in your hand, would you?  No. You’d let it go, because it doesn’t feel good. In kind, on the path, we let go of pride, arrogance, being right, being separate, resentments, entitlement, expectations, etc. We forgive. We apologize. We love. We self love. We understand. We feel passion, creativity, empowerment, enthusiasm.  If a thought doesn’t feel good to you - you can let it go. (Shift awareness to seeing, hearing, breathing, & feeling).

Also, for writing, consider dropping all devices, sitting in nature, and using a pad of paper and pencil. Don’t write for your blog though - write about what you are seeing now, write about what you are hearing now, write about what you are feeling now. 

Quote

I feel that I am weak physically and emotionally too. I need complete isolation but I can't.

”I feel” is a sneaky thought. You can’t feel. You can’t even feel a feeling. Feeling IS. Like perception, there is no story to it. “Story”, occurs in thought. Not feeling. Not perception. The thoughts “I am weak physically” & “I am weak physically” do not feel good because they aren’t true. You’re telling that story. Don’t be surprised that is what you’re experiencing. Tell the story you actually want to experience, and miraculously, you do. 

“I need” is a sneaky thought. It’s in plain view though - if you listen to feeling. Anything that follows “I need” will not feel good. Let the thought go. (Focus on seeing, hearing, breathing, & feeling). Notice a thought arose, and it was in discord with feeling. Then, to “cover it up”....you start believing you must ‘need’ something. 

Quote

Things just keep bothering me, hot weather bothers me.  Am I depressed again?

Emotional suppression doesn’t settle. Let it out. Temperature’s just right. Appreciate it. Consider the odds of there being temperature which “just happens” to be perfect to allow for this entire experience. There are no coincidences. It’s not random. Let thoughts of that nature go, and synchronicity & serendipity are revealed. This place is pure magic, and you can do anything you dream up - and you’re current sentiment is “hot weather bothers me”. Let go. Let go. Let go. I say this with love, and good intention, and I hope it is heard that way...you are holding many conditions for you to be happy. Happiness is revealed in letting those conditions go. Go experience that which you ‘fear’, and you will see the facade of fear. “Fear” is a label upon the experience of believing a thought about a potential future, which is in discord with feeling. Feeling will never be in “a future”. Feeling is present now. Feeling can be ‘listened to’, now. The mind wanders, false thoughts arise, feeling says “no sir, that’s not actual”....and you label feeling. This is very much like putting an address into the navigation app in your phone to get to where you want to go....and then when the voice says “in half a mile, turn left”....and you’re like “no!”. 

Quote

I make to-do lists, time tables, but I never ever follow them. I badly want to follow them but I can't.

Relaxed, emptied, clarity arises. There will be no more thought being believed about yourself being “a loser”, ”I can’t”, etc. I’d read The Six Pillars Of Self Esteem, and Ask & It Is Given. I’d also start a dreamboard. 

[Dua]

@Nahm First of all I have no words to say thanks to you. Thank you for giving me so much of your time. Everything that you said above makes complete sense and I've read a few times to understand (my confused mind, blurry screen(i believe because of my constant thinking and wandering eyes on the screen aimlessly). I really appreciate and I believe its a sign i got to know about your post and I wrote here. 

I know meditation is not a way to accomplish something. I've read a lot about its positive and calming effects on mind and that it helps you concentrate better. 

I am sleeping in the morning these days as we are fasting this whole month so I stay up all night and then sleep in the morning. So before going to bed I tried meditation as you suggested and same thing happened, RLS in my right leg and it was so intense that I couldn’t continue. Then I woke up at 12pm and I did meditation right after waking up and did it for 15 minutes and there was no RLS at all. I felt good. I tried to concentration on breathing and hearing but I couldn’t get a gist on the feeling thing.

Whenever I tried meditation before, all my concentration was on my breath and not on the thoughts, today I felt the pressure, there are a lot of thoughts coming and going even if I pay attention to my breathing only.

I am sorry but after all your explanation I fail to understand the “feeling” part. I still need to read the answer again to understand it better. But my question is if I am concentrating on my breathing and hearing, how can I concentrate on my feeling? What actually is my feeling? For example I had a small pedestal fan in front of me when I was meditating in the morning and it was throwing fresh and cool morning air from outside, and I was feeling good, fresh, and a bit cold. So I was feeling the air and whatever it was making me feel. So, this is what I am supposed to feel? Or the “feeling” part is totally internal? If this is internal then there are thoughts continuously coming in like flies and I was letting go of them and I did really well. Please help me understand the feeling part.

The situation I am currently in, I have to depend on my family for food and other needs. I love to eat raw and fresh but I can’t as I don’t have any money to spend on my own. But once things will start to get better as I am constantly trying, I will acquire a very healthy lifestyle I know.

I love yoga and physical exercise but I am not consistent with it. One day I will do it with full enthusiasm and the next few days I’ll be like, I can’t do that, I can’t move my body that much, etc.

Sometimes I feel a craving for yoga and stretches. I want to stretch my body to its full and do complicated yoga steps and I try too.

2 months ago, I watched a few videos of an Indian guru, according to him, he sleeps for 3 to 4 hours and it is doable by sitting right and eating healthy raw food. By sitting right, he means in the right posture to minimize tension in the body and keeping the body at ease. I started sitting that way, and it dramatically affected me. I felt less stress, less tired while sitting, and I felt good. I started sleeping less than I usually do and I was waking up fresh. That was the time when I was doing yoga daily for some time, but I don’t know what happened, my back started to ache very bad. May be it was a wrong yoga move or what. I started sleeping more sometimes 12 hours, I felt less energetic. Those initial few days were good when I was doing yoga and could sit with my back straight, but after that backache problem I couldn’t even sit for long.

Now, my back is normal again. I am able to sit and keep it straight but I feel it hard to stand up and do exercise or yoga. These might be useless details but I thought I should share. I love aerobics too but right now I feel hard to stand up and move. Because of fasting I am losing extra fat from my body, which was barely there. I started getting little abs things and I quite like it but I am not able to continue despite loving all this a lot. I know it sounds like a lame excuse, laziness, maybe. But in reality, my mind is always occupied. I’ve always felt a dense cloud inside my head which feels like a volcano that is about to explode. This is the reason I can’t read something and words seem dancing, I know I don’t have any such condition, I know I was not like this. Even now it’s 6:50pm and I am not feeling that rush inside my head and I can read clearly. Words are not dancing and I understand what I am reading. Though I still need to read again to understand everything. I don’t know why I take time to understand things, I was never like this. Maybe over thinking has made me like this.

I am thinking about stopping all the “work” and work related thoughts. I want to work on my mind, myself, my betterment. Do you think it would be a good idea to give a few days to myself only? And if it is, then what should I do? Meditate only? I love to read books but the same problem of blurry vision/ dancing words.. Explained above.

I am sorry if i drifted in writing. I can't get my mind to focus on a point or a thought. I know I will with meditation. I am hopeful.

Once Again.. Thank you