How to master and control your emotions

[Leen1973]

 

Hey

I have a question about one of the videos of ActualizedOrg on youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYZmK46--Mc&list=PLGjI7mohIsc3WG1X074Y-v2OpLbFwo7bP (How to master & control your emotions)

In this video, Leo talks about how there is a filter between the external circumstances and our emotions.

He says that we never feel bad because of the external circumstances but only because of our filter (interpretation).

Although I think he is right to some extent, I disagree and find this dangerous.

We still are humans, and when something like a breakup happens or when someone you love passes away, or when you have a conflict with a close friend who cuts you off: HOW  can you change your filter in a modus that makes you feel good?

 

Human beings really can work on themselves, but we are not totally “makeable”.

Because when you don’t succeed in feeling well in a negative situation, the reason is you.

So it shifts to being your fault (not only responsibility)

Leo says it’s because of lazy interpretations. Which I can relate to certainly, but only up to a certain point.

 

The human aspects of our brain(s) cannot be forgotten, it’s a reality.

 

So, how would I be able to feel good when I lost a loved one, when a lost friendships that really are important, etc?

(image the parents of a child that passes away, and Leo saying: you feel bad because your filter makes you feel bad.)

That’s too much, no?

How can you see the sun when you dont see the sun, are anxious it or have no hope, feeling alone and depressed? When you lost people? (No matter how) and you miss them?

Edited November 7, 2019 by Leen1973

[Hansu]

59 minutes ago, Leen1973 said:

So, how would I be able to feel good when I lost a loved one, when a lost friendships that really are important, etc?

By finding something to celebrate on losing a loved one or losing friendship. It sounds harsh, I know, but there is positive in everything.

The book "Way of the peaceful warrior" gives good examples of this (Spoilers ahead)

In the book a man who is spiritual master in the western world loses his restaurant which he has built and kept for years. The restaurant burns down, and the man drops on his knees screaming and crying his lungs out. 2 minutes later he jumps up and is like "Well gee, looks like I finally have time to do the other thing I have been planning" and next week the guy goes living in the forests to connect with nature(Or something like that)

Then later this said guy dies, and his friend who is also a spiritual master and a good friend of the main character celebrates his death. As the main character lashes on what is wrong with this old man who is dancing and partying after losing his friend, the old man says that he is envious of his friend who has found peace in his earthly journey (Or something like that)

Though the old man rarely shows emotion in the book, he did show emotion after having to defend himself and the main character against muggers. He was sad that he had to harm someone.

The teachings I learned about emotional mastery from this book would is that its not about feeling good all the time and avoiding negative emotions, but its about controlling your emotions and choosing what you feel, which gives you the freedom to align your emotions to your own view of the world. You mourn on what deserves mourning, and celebrate on what deserves celebrating. You choose how much, when and why. You are the master, not the slave.

[Leen1973]

Thank you so much for your view Hansu.

So its not so absolute, you mean.

We still have the brains we have, we are built the way we are. Like in trauma, it changes the brain. Its really hard work and no so simpel to change the filter. 

We also have unconscious persuasions about the world and ourselves and this colors everything. Beginning to be aware of this and questionning it is very important.

Edited November 7, 2019 by Leen1973

[Hansu]

47 minutes ago, Leen1973 said:

So its not so absolute, you mean.

We still have the brains we have, we are built the way we are.

This is my view, yes. For example, if you want to accept/gain control over the emotions you ran through when you contemplated on how its possible to feel good when someone close to you died, then try to accept the emotions, know that they are there and just be aware how your ego wants to act on them. If your ego succeeds in acting on the emotions, try to find the source. Usually just shining awareness on the reason why your ego acts on the emotion is enough to gain control of your ego on thay particular context

Personal example: I had anxiousness when I read/heard about particular political topics and it was based on the fear that one day these people could be in leadership position and then go on to act on their delusions. However, then I realized that they are too incompetent or misinformed to ever have that power and my anxiousness disappeared ?

 

Edited November 7, 2019 by Hansu