Feeling of missing out in life

[Valach]

Hi there,

Recently I have after longer pause started working on myslef in terms of both spirituality ( mostly meditation ) and social skills ( doing pickup ). What I have noticed in last week however is that I have this very sad and annoying feeling that I have missed out in life. I am 23 years old and I feel like the stage when you are young and go drink with your friend and do stupid shit is kinda over both because of my age and because of me doing spirituality and that does not align with this. Even when I try to remind myself that I the presence is all that matters, this uneasy feeling comes back to me. Has anyone ever experienced this? And how have you overcame this? Thanks is advance guys

[Commodent]

I've struggled with this feeling a lot. I never feel like I had the normal teen experience.

However, I like to tell myself that I would never have been where I am today hadn't it been for all that suffering and loneliness. I probably never would have gotten into personal development, and I wouldn't be pushed to do the deep work. And I probably never would have thought of actually realising my full potential. All of that comes from deep suffering, and is not something I would have opened my mind to had I been living in comfort.

I'm now at a point where I feel more healthy than most people, both emotionally and cognitively. And I have all the tools and habits in place to keep the trajectory going upwards.

Where would I been if things had been comfortable and I hadn't been pushed into personal development? Probably like my dad. Living in my comfort zone with all my fears and worries.

You have not missed out. You have been taught valuable life lessons that other people have not, lessons that make you so uniquely you. Honor your history, take pride in it.

And as a final note, you're never too old to let loose and make mistakes. If that's something you want, then by all means, go for it.

[mikelyons]

@Valach what you don't want is the feeling when you're 33 that you wasted your 20s on dumb empty bullshit like drinking, partying, chasing underdeveloped girls.
It's much more painful, trust me.

[Rigel]

On 2019-11-06 at 2:24 PM, Valach said:

Even when I try to remind myself that I the presence is all that matters

You can't fake that. You have to actually be present. You are just avoiding the emotional labor with this comforting belief.

[Nickyy]

@Valach If you can become present, truly present, for just even ten minutes, a lot of these things tend to clear up by themselves, because it's your mind playing tricks in you because you haven't yet experienced for yourself that time is an illusion. So the "past" (which is where regret comes from) still seems real to you. 

Once you crack the present moment fully you just can't take any of this stuff seriously anymore. Once that initial identification is broken then its much easier not to get caught up in this stuff 

[CreamCat]

 

[undeather]

On 6.11.2019 at 8:24 PM, Valach said:

Hi there,

Recently I have after longer pause started working on myslef in terms of both spirituality ( mostly meditation ) and social skills ( doing pickup ). What I have noticed in last week however is that I have this very sad and annoying feeling that I have missed out in life. I am 23 years old and I feel like the stage when you are young and go drink with your friend and do stupid shit is kinda over both because of my age and because of me doing spirituality and that does not align with this. Even when I try to remind myself that I the presence is all that matters, this uneasy feeling comes back to me. Has anyone ever experienced this? And how have you overcame this? Thanks is advance guys

 

Dont let anyboy here tell you what you should do. People on this forum neither know your situation, nor whats best for your life. Most individuals in here life highly mediocre lives, a lot are clinically depressed. You see those people sharing "advice" while complaining about their miserable life in the next thread. 
I almost fell into this trap when I was your age (26 now) but thank god I took the other path. 

So you are 23?  Dude, you are young as fuck - most of my craziest life adventures happened in the last 3 years (from 23-26). 
Dont let anybody here tell you its a bad thing to do stupid things with your friends and having some drinks here and there. If you have this feeling, adress it - look whats behind that. 
Man, the most memorable times I had in my life were the vacations and trips, drunk at a beach, playing volleyball with the 2 hot girls we just met, almost crying of laughter because of some ridicolous thing that happened. Or the one time we got in a huge thunderstorm during camping - scary at first, but one of the most epic experiences afterwards. Those are the bonding experiences that brought us together for the long run, its peak experience and I felt pure love for all those people in my life and everything else that "exists".

You do pickup? Great! Picking up girls is a fun part of life and just another great part of this awesome simulation. 
Also, if you want to settle down in a few years, you can do it with a girl you really connect with, so you dont become just another divorce statistic. 

So I did all this crazy stuff in the last years, yet I still medidated every day & experiment with different kind of practices. I eat healthy (whole foods, plant based) at least 90% of the time. I do various kinds of physical activity to stay fit. I work hard to become financially independent. Nothing you do in a is mutually exclusive to living a spiritual life. Even after all the "enlightenment experieneces" I had, I still love to have drinks with my boys, smoke some shisha or date beautiful women (Duh!).

Play this "video game" called life AND do all spiritual practices/self developement you want. Dont limit yourself to one thing!
What "playing" means is completely up to your definition. Leo wouldnt want the things I do. Some other guy on this forum might prefer a completely different path. But if you tell me that you have the "feeling that you miss out on life", then maybe its time to take a closer look. The worst that can happen if you have this realization with 40 or 50. 

 

Quote

Even when I try to remind myself that I the presence is all that matters..

Thats the kind of shit that gets you stuck. You dont even know what that means! 
You read that in a book or saw it in one of Leos video. Dont put yourself in a certain box. Do what you enjoy, do it conciously. 

Again, dont follow anyones advice here, including mine of course. Just start thinking in a broader way and think about what you really want. 
Dont "let got" of that feeling. It will come again and again, until you adress it. 

IF you have questions, feel free to pm me! 

Edited November 8, 2019 by undeather

[Javfly33]

On 8/11/2019 at 7:12 PM, undeather said:

 

So you are 23?  Dude, you are young as fuck - most of my craziest life adventures happened in the last 3 years (from 23-26). 
Dont let anybody here tell you its a bad thing to do stupid things with your friends and having some drinks here and there. If you have this feeling, adress it - look whats behind that. 
Man, the most memorable times I had in my life were the vacations and trips, drunk at a beach, playing volleyball with the 2 hot girls we just met, almost crying of laughter because of some ridicolous thing that happened. Or the one time we got in a huge thunderstorm during camping - scary at first, but one of the most epic experiences afterwards. Those are the bonding experiences that brought us together for the long run, its peak experience and I felt pure love for all those people in my life and everything else that "exists".

 

LOL. The OP is saying that he suffers/fears of having missed out social/stimulating stuff and you just say to him that actually that part of life was the most fun and amazing of your life. 

I think you got his post wrong. He is not looking for motivation but rather help in not suffering from missing out.

[Hansu]

On 7.11.2019 at 5:53 PM, mikelyons said:

@Valach what you don't want is the feeling when you're 33 that you wasted your 20s on dumb empty bullshit like drinking, partying, chasing underdeveloped girls.
It's much more painful, trust me.

So, no matter what we do we we regret our twenties when we are 30?

I had this dilemma today that Im 25 and everyone around me are getting into relationships, and I feel like if I dont get one now then Im going to miss out of the whole thing, which is has creating more stress on top of my school work, thesis writing and my 9-5 office job.

Like when I have finished school, should I go 100% out and start pick up to catch up on what I have missed? I've never been in relationships and I've had sex only a couple of times. Im really introvert but I have no problem doing extrovert stuff (Some call it ambivert)

[undeather]

1 hour ago, Javfly33 said:

LOL. The OP is saying that he suffers/fears of having missed out social/stimulating stuff and you just say to him that actually that part of life was the most fun and amazing of your life. 

I think you got his post wrong. He is not looking for motivation but rather help in not suffering from missing out.

I exactly understand OP, cause I have been going through the same stuff. He DMd me after my response, so I guess I struck a nerve. 

A lot of older people regret the stuff they didnt do when they were young. OP IS still young, so maybe do those things now, than deal with the regret later? Kinda stupid, isnt it? Its like saying: dont eat healthy, get sick and learn to let go of the suffering/fear. 

[TheSomeBody]

you can always do stupid shit

 

[Javfly33]

14 hours ago, undeather said:

I exactly understand OP, cause I have been going through the same stuff. He DMd me after my response, so I guess I struck a nerve. 

A lot of older people regret the stuff they didnt do when they were young. OP IS still young, so maybe do those things now, than deal with the regret later? Kinda stupid, isnt it? Its like saying: dont eat healthy, get sick and learn to let go of the suffering/fear. 

Right, I was the one who didn't understood right then. I see what you are saying, OP definitely should be doing what he might feel drawn into. I don't agree that stimulation and adventures gives you happiness, but obviously if you are mature enough to do calm/still practices and live a life that way (I'm not including myself in there, but I hope I will be some day) then yeah you should go out to have fun.

But it's usual that going out or doing any kind of random adventure or party stuff doesn't make people happier or satisfied, that's why people end up having calmer lives. But yeah I agree with you in that you have first to realize it.

[rNOW]

Writing this as a 33 year old:

Never done parties, drugs, or alcohol, not out of reverence for spirituality or morality, but because I had different interests. Twenties went in being depressed and one failed relationship. I've had moments where I used to feel I'm missing out in life, but here's the truth when it finally struck- you cannot miss out from your own life. You can only miss out from what an average person defines as life. Your life is your definition. Same about success, relationships, careers, etc. Set your own definitions, and change them when it doesn't suit you anymore. Nothing is boxed in life. You're never too late for it, nor too early. 

Now when I meet my friends, which is very rare, most of them are married, have a stable career, kids, etc, I sense I'm lagging behind. Or am I? How can I miss the life I do not want? I have great health, peace of mind (mostly), and I'm in love with the way I live. A lot of people laugh at me, make sarcastic comments, and so on. So? That's the life they choose. Do I regret my 20s? Nope. I used to regret them when I was not aware where it was leading me. When you realize the purpose your regrets serve you, they cease to be regrets anymore and become reflections instead. You might have heard the saying, "People regret things they didn't do more than the things they did." I find this very incomplete and untrue. I find people regret things that they did or did not do 'in fear'. So missing out is 'fear'. Try not to do anything out of fear. Choose love and truth instead, whatever it may be for you. 

 

[karltiboleng]

Do whatever you wanna do. Your emotions dictate your actions. Just deploy awareness throughout your actions and serendipity falls into place. 

[Nak Khid]

On 11/6/2019 at 2:24 PM, Valach said:

Hi there,

Recently I have after longer pause started working on myslef in terms of both spirituality ( mostly meditation ) and social skills ( doing pickup ). What I have noticed in last week however is that I have this very sad and annoying feeling that I have missed out in life. I am 23 years old and I feel like the stage when you are young and go drink with your friend and do stupid shit is kinda over both because of my age and because of me doing spirituality and that does not align with this. Even when I try to remind myself that I the presence is all that matters, this uneasy feeling comes back to me. Has anyone ever experienced this? And how have you overcame this? Thanks is advance guys

So you are classifying pick up as not doing stupid shit?

[petar8p]

@undeather man, couldn't agree more on what you said. Different parts of life bring about different inclinations and natural desires for experience. 
He probably would've done more of the partying and socializing if he didn't felt like he couldn't and didn't know how to connect with people. 
It's just how you celebrate life. You can do whatever you want. What's important only is not to get attached and hooked, and look at your Happiness in it. But if it comes from a place of you already feeling enough and wanting to spend some time socializing, meeting girls, dancing, having orgies, hooking up. WHY NOT? There is nothing bad about those things, as I said, as long as they don't come from a place of chase, and it's real easy to fall into that place, I'm not denying that. But I really respect your reply here, I think it's most integral. 

@Valach Now, on the other note, you can use this feeling of missing out to dive deeper and do self-inquiry to help you discover the nature of who you truly are. Realize that without thought, there is no feeling. Without your mind coming up with different pictures in your head, imagining friends having a blast (which they mostly don't btw, because they do it from desperation) and you just wasted all those years. What have you done? 

Find the root of that voice. Look for it. Ask yourself, who is doing all this? Experience the sensations that come up when you think about it. Feel the craving of wanting to connect to people but feeling stuck. Dive into the emotions and experience them totally. Be with them 100% with no conditions. Not wanting to change them, make them better, make them leave, understand them. Just let them be and use your unconditional attention. 

I was dealing with this myself and I'm only 21 now. Having a social life currently is one of the best way to share my joy in life. You don't have to give up on it, just realize where the fear and attachments come from and really try to dive deep. If you need any help or further explanation with this process, feel free to PM me, I would love to be of help

22 hours ago, Nak Khid said:

So you are classifying pick up as not doing stupid shit?

What if he is? 

[Byun Sean]

this is an issue you will face constantly as you go deeper into the work. As you learn more and more about life thoughts will arise like "wow if I had only known this 3 years ago or 10 years ago I could have been so much further along!" 

But see you COULDN'T have possibly known that. Because you were trying your best what you knew then and you are trying your best now. Realize that you are trying your best and let go of being so perfectionistic. What makes life beautiful is your journey is unlike any other journey. It is unique. 

Drop this notion that you are in your "20's" so you should or should not live one way. Or you are in your "30's" and you should live another way. You are deluding yourself. You are exactly where you need to be.

Your thoughts that tell you you are missing out on life are your own making! Realize that anything you think you are missing out on is a story your mind is telling you. Like people are having fun and you are the only one missing out. Where is this happening? "Behind the scenes" somewhere? If you observe these thoughts from a distance you will realize all of them are your own fabrications and that you ultimately do not know what "other people" are doing. 

Stereotypes are only a reality for you. They are imaginary in the absolute sense

[Knock]

3 hours ago, Byun Sean said:

...but see you COULDN'T have possibly known that. Because you were trying your best what you knew then and you are trying your best now. Realize that you are trying your best and let go of being so perfectionistic. 

Great response @Byun Sean

Just to add to the above snippet, I think it is important to realize the above in other people too. Just like how you did stupid shit before you awakened, other people are doing stupid shit before they awaken too! To judge them is to judge your former self. This only brings pain.

That's why it is so important to accept and forgive your former self, as it instills the capacity to accept and forgive others.

When you learn to fully accept and forgive, you increase your capacity to love. Instead of judgement or ridicule, you feel compassion and love for those that are hurting and henceforth acting out doing stupid shit. Such capacity brings forth real inner growth and encourages benevolence unto the world.

[Michael569]

On 07/11/2019 at 3:53 PM, mikelyons said:

what you don't want is the feeling when you're 33 that you wasted your 20s on dumb empty bullshit like drinking, partying, chasing underdeveloped girls.
It's much more painful, trust me.

^^

[undeather]

Quote

what you don't want is the feeling when you're 33 that you wasted your 20s on dumb empty bullshit like drinking, partying, chasing underdeveloped girls.
It's much more painful, trust me.

 

So, is that mutually exclusive?

Because you can definitely party, chase girls & have some drinks with your boys from time to time WHILE doing serious spiritual and life purpose practices basically every day. If you wish, you can do that. I love to do that. The trick is to do it conciously.