Help me, my life is a failrure

[toth7]

Hello everyone, my name is Andrés and I am 28 years old on November 11, Sorry for my writing, I am Bolivian not native speaker.

My life went numb over time, due to my low self-esteem and dissatisfaction with everything I did.

In the professional part I left at 27 years of university, I dedicated myself to being at home masturbating, playing ps4 or smoking marijuana.

I live with my parents who give me comfort but I have nothing on my part, I got a temporary job of 9 months and I feel useless.

It is very difficult for me to start conversations with people, I feel inferior when I talk to people, I feel anxious every time I talk to people, even when I walk down the street I am afraid to see people in the eyes.

In the love part, it is worse for me, I had a girlfriend 7 years younger than me, who fell in love with her and left me broke. Thanks to that immense pain I could see that really without lying to me I subconsciously seek a woman who loves me and approves me.

I think the need for love is because my mother never accepted me as a child and often beat me.

When I am close to a pretty woman or not, I always end up looking like an idiot, an old infant, and it makes me very sad, so I prefer to ignore women since I have them on the highest pedestal because nobody is interested in me.

Friends I don't have, I managed to isolate myself from everything and everyone, I don't have hobbies, I'm not interesting and I have a bad mood and abundant sadness.

I do not think I am the ugliest in the world, I am 1.83m tall, I am relatively attractive, but I feel horrible and I have very bad results with women and people in general.

I feel sad to know that I don't need anyone to be happy, but my being longs for love and the stupid idea of having a woman who loves me and endures the shit of the person I am. It is a useless battle but every time I pass the street and see all those couples, or successful people it makes me very bad.

Anyway I am a complacent beta male, in need of affection, weak and without any vision for my life, I do not know if it will be too late for me, I do not know what, or how to change my nightmare of life, if someone had any advice or Some similar experience would greatly appreciate it, thanks for reading.

[Devi Shanti]

@ajasatya

[ajasatya]

@toth7 Have you ever tried just asking questions and listening without the urge to impress? Good listeners are quite rare.

[Swagala]

I would recommend cutting off on masturbating for a bit. It depends on the person but I believe that for a lot of men when they are masturbating or after ejaculation, they start to feel guilty. Feeling guilt can get you into a bad mindset, you'll start to feel like you're weak.

I notice a victim mentality from reading all the "bad" things that happened in your past. I'm not trying to gloss over the fact that these bad things happened but you need to realize that they were in the past. You are in the Now. It seems like you are using the past to justify feeling bad about yourself. Tap into the Now and notice that the past almost feels like they didn't even happen at all. Stop living in the past and start living in the now. What can you do now to start feeling great for yourself and live a life you want to live?

I also notice a mindset of lack. There's too much focus on the things that you don't have. Too much focus on the things you don't want. Take deep breaths in, and become aware of your senses, tap into the Now. When the mind calms down and is silent, you notice that you can be okay in the Now. You're only ever not okay Now because you're too focused on the past, the future, and you're too focus on how things should be instead of how things are.

Take more deep breaths in, silence the mind, tap into the Now and begin to notice that you can be okay with how you are now. Any resistance that shows up is the mind wanting things to be a certain way.

[toth7]

23 hours ago, toth7 said:

 

@ajasatya

22 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@toth7 Have you ever tried just asking questions and listening without the urge to impress? Good listeners are quite rare.

23 hours ago, toth7 said:

I tried, but I always end up being unconfortable and I see that people notice that 

I

[toth7]

20 hours ago, Shiva said:

@toth7 when was the last time you felt really great and why?

To tell the truth when I was with my ex girlfriend two years ago. I know that is wrong but thanks to that I realize that I´m needy as hell

[toth7]

22 hours ago, Swagala said:

22 hours ago, Swagala said:

I would recommend cutting off on masturbating for a bit. It depends on the person but I believe that for a lot of men when they are masturbating or after ejaculation, they start to feel guilty. Feeling guilt can get you into a bad mindset, you'll start to feel like you're weak.

I notice a victim mentality from reading all the "bad" things that happened in your past. I'm not trying to gloss over the fact that these bad things happened but you need to realize that they were in the past. You are in the Now. It seems like you are using the past to justify feeling bad about yourself. Tap into the Now and notice that the past almost feels like they didn't even happen at all. Stop living in the past and start living in the now. What can you do now to start feeling great for yourself and live a life you want to live?

I also notice a mindset of lack. There's too much focus on the things that you don't have. Too much focus on the things you don't want. Take deep breaths in, and become aware of your senses, tap into the Now. When the mind calms down and is silent, you notice that you can be okay in the Now. You're only ever not okay Now because you're too focused on the past, the future, and you're too focus on how things should be instead of how things are.

Take more deep breaths in, silence the mind, tap into the Now and begin to notice that you can be okay with how you are now. Any resistance that shows up is the mind wanting things to be a certain way.

How can I stop this mentality?? And how can I stop being so needy and silly with women?? and most important how can I start accepting my self and grow a pair??  If you can share with me some tips, I will be very helpfull. I started doing some breathing excercices yesterday and help me a little, thank you

 

 

[outlandish]

Sounds like you already know you need to ditch the ps4, weed, and wanking too much.

Do you live in la Paz? I've been there and loved it. You could spend some time hiking up in the mountains up there, you're in such a beautiful place. They will teach you a lot more than the ps4, and make you a strong man. You could find some friends you can go camping with. Go eat some San Pedro and explore the mountains.

I think you need to build up your own self-worth, and it's not going to be something you can trick yourself into by doing some positive thinking, or repeating some affirmations. You need to start actually doing the things that will make you feel better about yourself. Don't worry about women too much for now, work on yourself. Get strong, physically, pursue the interests that make you feel good about yourself. Get a job (I know that's not always easy) so you can help out your parents and not feel like you are so dependent on them.

Your english is very good by the way.

[Aquarius]

Hello dear, reply from a female member here...

Been there but with males, now guys call me hot and beautiful and jokingly strangers invite me for a cake in town or coffee lmao and i get a lot of dates. I usd to be very masculine and weird and kinda autistic to the max but i grew it out, so maybe I can give some advice, honestly u dont seem bad at all, you just got a self esteem problem

Ok mate so... stop this isht with "beta" and "alpha" and omega and stuff and whatever. It doesn't translate to nun in the real world, you got me?? People who use these things are always depressed and comparing themselves with others. 

So do yourself a favor and don't. Please.

We are all just humans. Doing human things. In my eyes I don't see any human being being uglier or prettier than the other. Even with deformities in my eyes everyone is the same.. eventually I see people's souls cause I'm clairsentient but that is some philosophomythical isht that doesn't have place in this thread... anywayyyy

So you gotta like get into this flow state, you see?? I don't know/care how you do it but I can give you some advice.

 

First of all, forget about all the looks and personality and attraction thing. Just be yourself. Be super authentic, radially honest and adorably genuine. Girls usually love that, whoever you may be. So just be natural. Be yourself.

You mentioned masturbating a lot and playing videogames. Dude, just get a pair of sneakers and get outside in the central park and move your butt a bit. I mean seriously, it makes such a difference!!! It sounds ultra basic but it rewires you completely.. I mean just go outside for a walk every day, force yourself... and just go... and look in people's/girls' eyes. You'll get used to it. Not in a creepy way but in a relaxed way. Look at people. Study them. Just dont stare at boobs or body ...das creepy af...

Seriously, all people on this forum need some nature walks honestly. It changes so much. I never thought it would but that's what changed me.

And find some cool hobbies, live a life of your dreams. Be your own best friend, your on most intimate lover.

Trust me, it means sooo much...

And girls sense it.

 

And answer me this: How is your relationship with yourself?  

 

Maybe go to the gym or to the library and read books. Buy Leo's list.. I bought it and will read stuff this month, I plan so... I'm just so busy.

And well, you're lucky cause you got a job. I don't even have a job for 4 years now and people still enjoy my company.

All I did was explore spirituality, detox from social media and learn some social skills...

First it is hard. 

Especially to talk to strangers.

 

But here's an exercise... You possibly have interests, right? Maybe even your ps4 games... join some facebook groups on that for a start and leave comments.

Or leave lots of youtube comments

ESPECIALLY REPLIES!!

it is not real life talking but great practice and means a lot

Try it. You learn to socialize.

And I recommend higher consciousness topics though... lke spiritual groups and all that

or diet and lifestyle

or some interest or hobby you have or plan to take up

Philosophy groups, photography groups..

 

And quit porn. Try real life sex. Hook up with a good one from okcupid. Or look for a girl in a Facebook group where you share interests. I think you can still use social media for communicational purposes, but not to binge porn and dumb stuff...

Go on an inner journey and seriously, let go of porn and things that take up your life. Connect with reality more, you seem like you need it

 

And. Forget. Beta. Incel. And. Other. Shit.

We just all cute humans.

 

I hope this helps. Maybe message me in private if you wanna have a chat.. you seem like a good person and I really feel your pain and would like to help as much as I can.

Define success .. YOUR WAY!!!

 

Edited November 5, 2019 by Aquarius
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