What Is Love?

[Daniel Miheilov]

Happiness is the ultimate goal and it's basically achieved when you are able to unconditionally love everything and follow the great wisdom of "if you love something, let it go". In a sense, at least. So no wonder I'm hearing a lot about love in Leo's videos. 

However! I honestly have no idea what love is. Maybe it's a silly question but I'd really appreciate a detailed answer.

My relatives apparently love me, my girlfriend loves me, probably some other people love me. But I've never been confidently able to say I loved somebody. It's always puzzled me whether I do or do not. From all I've been told I can only gather it's something you just know is so and if you have to ask yourself, then it probably is not. Is that really correct? 

My prime guess is that I've set my expectations far too high for this "feeling of love". So much so that I'm waiting for something huge I've never felt before to shake my little world so hard it's impossible to mistake it. Is that bad?

I'm quite lost on this matter. Often when related topics come up I get quite awkward about it and try to avoid it at all cost because it feels like I'm different. A heartless person or one who lies about it as some kind of pretentioussness. And my truth is that I just don't know. Maybe I love nothing and maybe I love everything but my expectations are so different I don't notice it.

So, am I heartless? Are my parents not worth loving and I haven't found the right girl either? Or have I misguided myself?

[VividReality]

I can only tell you what i do, personally if i where feeling like that, i would just sit down and think, or not think, the point is to sit down and let time slip on by, that BEING is good, is LOVE... honestly... i feel like words won't be able to explain what love is, but let me give you a sensory description.

Love to me is feeling my body fully energized, with each and every single breath i take, ESPECIALLY THOSE DEEP, LONG BREATHS that fill my lungs, that is love to me. Every single time i step into the daytime, and the sunlight hits my face, my body, that to me is love. Every time i take time to sit down, and start to learn a new skill, or work on a skill towards betterment, i feel love. Being Present with Positive mindsets, setting the right moods in your head... that is love.... It's refreshing to know you are living with your values... that is Self-Love.... Learning to love yourself is never a misguided act, for if your doing, and if your are contently doing... just doing tend to auto-correct. 

So are please... keep on the road forward towards this Amazing life, this amazing presence you are reciting in and keep on being. 

[Ian]

I really like Scott Peck's definition from his book, "The Road Less Travelled" (on Leo's recommended list - and definitely on mine!).

He defines love as, "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." The full explanation of this is rather nuanced, but I'll try my best to explain it.

The key word in the definition is 'will'. Love is not a feeling, but an action, a choice. Any time you take any action which helps you or others to grow as a person, you are, in essence, creating love. He goes on to describe all the ways we mistakenly use the word love and what he means by "extending one's self"

***ORIGINAL IDEA***

Peck doesn't talk about enlightenment explicitly, but I think it's fairly clear to see that once one transcends ego and the whole of reality becomes unified, then the definition could become even simpler.

"one's own or another's" becomes a meaningless distinction.

"Will" no longer exists.

"Spiritual growth" is simply being.

 

So once all these partitions are removed, love becomes indistinguishable from reality itself. Isn't that cool?

***END ORIGINAL IDEA***

I have no idea how far along the self-actualization journey you are Daniel, but I hope you can glean something useful from this

 

Edited May 29, 2016 by Ian
Typo

[Daniel Miheilov]

After a long walk around, it comes back to this problem. Help.

[Self-Mastery]

Love is all about GIVING. It is not about RECEIVING.

It is a quality that we develop in ourselves. The more we develop this quality, the more we love. Our love becomes an inner quality regardless of the external circumstances. It becomes less and less dependent on the subject that we love (e.g., girl friend etc). You love your girl friend regardless of her flaws etc; and the whole expectation goes away.

Having said that, it does not mean that one will not take a proper action when dealing with his girl friend. He can still leave her and do whatever he thinks that is right to do, but he still loves her. I hope it makes sense!  

 

[Daniel Miheilov]

I love you and also basically everybody else is not very satisfying sentence to hear.

My biggest problem would be identifying love. I surely have a lot of it, just can't find it. I want to be able to confidently say "I love this person" without the "Eh...but do I, really?"

And the other way around, it sounds damn empowering to be able to grasp what others actually mean when they say "I love you"

What people GENERALLY mean and when I should feel comfortable I'm answering THEIR demands of "love" is my main question.

The more advanced and far more useful actualization advice is greatly helpful in the long-term but really, it's this crisis I want solved.

 

[Self-Mastery]

11 minutes ago, Daniel Miheilov said:

My biggest problem would be identifying love. I surely have a lot of it, just can't find it. I want to be able to confidently say "I love this person" without the "Eh...but do I, really?"

Do affirmation and visualization! You have limiting beliefs in your subconscious mind that makes you uncomfortable to say "I love you". In my opinion, it is a self-image issue. If you want to resolve this issue soon and in a very practical manner, I think affirmation and visualization are the best tools.

Leo has good videos about affirmation and visualization.

I hope it helps

 

Edited October 8, 2016 by Seyed

[Flicker_boy]

baby don't hurt me! no more!

[Key Elements]

So far, this is what I understand...

A great situation for a couple (let's say) would be...

Both have a life purpose, both understand what's detachment, and both accept each other for who they are. Of course, this works in other relationships. 

[key]

Here's another topic that explores the subject of love

 

[ajasatya]

i see love as the best reasonable choice after seeing that there's no fundamental reason for the existence to exist.

but it is just a conscious choice.

[The]

You're asking the wrong group of people.. 

 

 

[Shin]

"So much so that I'm waiting for something huge I've never felt before to shake my little world so hard it's impossible to mistake it. Is that bad?"

 

The thing you're searching is egotic love, not true love, and it just doesn't last, it just can't.

True love isn't about loving someone or something in particular, it's just being happy whatever the circonstance, and it has nothing to do with relationships.

Now, that doesn't mean you can't have a relationship, relationship are nice, they help you grow because you have to be mindful of how you act and take care about someone else. It is also really cool to have someone to talk about deep subjects, cheer you up, having intimate sex and cuddling.

But all of that isn't necessary at all, it is a plus, a nice one, but that alone (even if you have all of it) won't fulfill you in the end.

Also, at some point you'll realize you can be with pretty much anyone (except extreme neurotics/annoying girls), you'll love that person as much as anyone else.

Edited October 10, 2016 by Shin