Anatomy of neediness and desperation

[Annoynymous]

In recent times, i see many people and their actions are called as needy and desperat.  When it comes to dating, attraction and relationship, this is specially the case.

Why this is so common for people to become needy and desperate? What causes them to feel and behave like that? 

What is the way to stop feeling desperate and needy?

[Nickyy]

@Annoynymous I think its a normal behaviour, the root cause being a sense of incompleteness . Identifying with thought as a substitute for being ones true self is a state of incompleteness, seeking validation in external things. Enlightenment fixes all of that because you come to realize that you are already complete 

[Annoynymous]

@Nickyy are you enlightened?

Can't we get rid of our neediness and desperation without being enlightened?

[Nickyy]

6 minutes ago, Annoynymous said:

@Nickyy are you enlightened?

Can't we get rid of our neediness and desperation without being enlightened?

No, I'm not enlightened. But I study how to become enlightened, and I'm working on it. But if you're honest with yourself you can see how enlightenment teachings are true. 

No, nobody can get rid of neediness without being enlightened. Enlightenment is the true natural state, because we're conditioned to be needy and desperate we obviously dont realize were already complete. 

 

[Annoynymous]

@Nickyy many says in order to attract girls and be in a relationship with them you have to drop neediness and desperation.

So those who are successful at it, do they pretend it or they are all enlightened? 

[Nickyy]

@Annoynymous

I think for those guys dropping neediness is an ideal. Personal development is derived from enlightenment teachings and therapies, all if which try to make you authentic. So dating gurus read self help books and try to work on themselves, but don't have the complete system for change. Which is enlightenment.

I think the biggest task to eliminating neediness is to develop compassion and unconditional acceptance for people. To be in a state of resistance already implies that you have no personal power, and that you need others to change in order for you to feel better.

The only way to respond to unconsciousness in others is with surrender. 

 

[Annoynymous]

@Nickyy great insight, thank you

[Nickyy]

@Annoynymous

Take a look at some of this guy's material.

Tell me what you think.

He's very contrived , stiff, inhibited. He's taken in a lot of false behaviours and is trying to cover up his neediness. Which just makes him look needy 

But the reason he gets dates is because he's slightly more outgoing than other men, and more manipulative. 

Also think about the orange women he dates. Like attracts like. 

Both are needy and goal oriented. 

[Annoynymous]

@Nickyy i have seen him ago. Pickup guy. I always doubted pickup and it's way.

It felt very manipulating and artificial.

[Nickyy]

1 minute ago, Annoynymous said:

@Nickyy i have seen him ago. Pickup guy. I always doubted pickup and it's way.

It felt very manipulating and artificial.

I agree.

Can you blame them? I feel compassion for people who don't feel they have any other option but to play along with societies games in order to just get sex. 

There is nothing wrong with sex, it can be acquired easily by being authentic. 

But it's all the other complicated conflicting stuff that they have to go through in order just to feel like they are enough.

It's a shallow existence for most people living in our collective dream

[Annoynymous]

how to get sex authentically?

Seems like pickup guys get sex easily by manipulating.

But their approach is shallow and their relationships too.

 

[Nickyy]

6 minutes ago, Annoynymous said:

how to get sex authentically?

Seems like pickup guys get sex easily by manipulating.

But their approach is shallow and their relationships too.

 

Be yourself 

I gave some pointers here. 

 

[universe]

It doesnt matter why you are needy.

You can grab the needyness by the balls in two simple ways:

1. Releasing. That means to feel and accept emotions that arise from need for validation, security and perfection to the fullest. After you felt the abyss of being totally rejected, vulnerable and not in control many many times you will be free.

2. Try to change external circumstances so that you get what you crave to realise that it doesnt really make you happy. After that realisation you are free. Just dont be a fool and get tricked by the next shiny thing.

For the first way look up sedona method.

[Annoynymous]

@universe what is sedona method?

@Vxvxen thank you for your advice

[Theherosjourney]

@Annoynymous I feel like I'm in the same path as you are. And recently after learning from RSD instructors I've been able to let so much of my neediness and desperation go.  Still getting better at it everyday. 

Also yesterday I stumbled upon one of Leo's old video which explains Sedona method in detail.  

I also took some notes so here you go:

Sedona Method

Step 1
1. Get in touch with the feeling of resistance

(or any other feelings/emotions like sadness, anxiety, depression, in your case it is the feeling of neediness)

Step 2 (ask yourself silently)
2. Can I let this feeling of neediness go?

Step 3 (ask yourself silently)
3. Would I like to let it go?

Step 4 
4. When would it like to let it go?

Rinse & Repeat!

 

 

[Annoynymous]

@Theherosjourney thank you