My life is feeling hopeless. Doubting if i will ever be happy.

[robinmk4l]

Hope some of you can take the time to read this and give me some advice or maybe just some encouraging words, because i am feeling very hopeless and sad at this moment.

I am suffering from some sort of condition. I dont know if its gut issues, some type of fatigue syndrome or maybe just plain old stress/anxiety as the doctors suggest, even though I kind of doubt its only that...

I have had this since I was 17. I was a pretty high level athlete, then I got sick a bunch of times and took a lot of antibiotics for months. After that something happened to me, i started having severe skin infections, sick all the time, extremely fatigued, cognitive issues and pretty severe anxiety and depression. And this came out of nowhere after being a very energetic and happy kid who loved spending time with friends and doing sports. I quit school, quit boxing, isolated myself and stopped hanging out with friends. Im 24 now and its been like this more or less ever since. I would say im feeling better in some ways but its mostly because i have learned to deal with this condition better. Meditation, diet etc helps. I have been to countless doctors, taking every test, neurological testing etc and they all say i am fine and that its probably just stress and anxiety.

I dont know what to do. I know something is wrong with me and I would pay a lot of money to find out what it is and what to do about it. Twice I tried going on a balanced plant-based whole-food diet and both times after 3-4 months i started having crazy anxiety and insomnia, herpes and skin problems, tingling, numbness and fasciculations, so i had to give it up. And no one can give me and explanation why this happened? A normal healthy body should be able to be vegetarian/vegan. I have tried every medication and antidepressant out there, ssris, add pills etc I always react terribly and get crazy side effects.

I have not felt happy in 6 years. The only sort of hope of happiness that I have is that maybe if I just eat healthy, meditate, try to manage my stress and stay consistent then over months or years maybe just maybe my body could recover and go back to normal again. The problem is that I cant really do shit. I cant go to school, cant be with friends, cant do anything because of my anxiety and stress.

Theres so much more to write about my situation but whatever, maybe somebody can give me any kind of advice. At this point everything just feels so fucking pointless I want to end it all

[Nickyy]

@robinmk4l Research the microbiome. It has a significant connection to physical and mental health. Courses of antibiotics can harm your natural microbiome because they indiscriminately kill all bacteria (not just pathogens).

[Nahm]

@robinmk4l

The difference between a belief, and what is known - is truth. 

What ails you is this...

On 11/1/2019 at 4:14 PM, robinmk4l said:

I know something is wrong with me

That is a belief. 

The truth is, you’re fucking awesome. 

For as long as you believe that, and claim you know it, you suffer. 

It is a fact that you are fucking awesome.

So true indeed, you can believe you are awesome, and or know that you are awesome, and because it’s the truth, either way works just fine. 

[Vercingetorix]

in your situation I would try alternative medicine methods - ayurveda, homeopathy, reiki and such

[Superfluo]

@robinmk4l

Look for suppressed/repressed emotions. Emotions are mainly in the body. You'll be surprised by the effects of neglecting your emotional life. Did you know allergies as well as other physical and mental issues can derive from emotional traumas? Emotions and suppressed emotions run your life.

Most of the illnesses can be cured by realigning with your mind, your body and your emotions. These are the 3 main pillars of every person (+ environment). I suggest you to read The Ultramind Solution by Mark Hyman (body/health), Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton and The Completion Process by Teal Swan (emotions)

If you're interested in healing your inner wounds, check out these

 

[LeoX8]

@robinmk4l I feel you. I haven't been through your situation but at a certain point in my life i decided to end it once and for all.

It was painful, everyday i just came home and cry for desperation, why i could not get just some peace?

On 1/11/2019 at 9:14 PM, robinmk4l said:

At this point everything just feels so fucking pointless I want to end it all

You have to make a choice: even if its pointless and absurde, will you still pursue happiness? do you still want to be happy? Forget for a moment if its possible or not , if it does make sense or not or even if you deserve it or not, and really ask yourself:"Do i want to be happy?". 

It takes courage, but I really thought about that and eventually i answered.

Relax yourself, try to focus on your breath and when you feel calm ask yourself: "Do I want to be happy? Do I want to be the energetic and happy guy that I used to be?"

I answered yes and since than I never regretted that choice. It takes courage to answer that question, but you certanly can.

Once I decided to be happy, I started to get into personal development and find solutions for my problems. Its a long journey, but trust me, the rewards are high and happiness is surely one of them. I encourage you to do the same.

Now its your turn to make the decision. I really trust you.

<3

[robinmk4l]

@Nickyy @Nahm @Vercingetorix @Superfluo @LeoX8  Thank you all for offering advice and giving me support! After posted this i decided to take action again once and for all to try and become as happy and healthy as i possibly can from my circumstances. I now have 10 days of eating really healthy, meditation and no-fap, and i already feel a big improvement in my overall mood. Maybe i cant heal myself in three months but what if i go on like this consistently for three years? 10 years? Surely if i devote myself to becoming a better person and not give up something good must come out of it  I will try my best

[LeoX8]

@robinmk4l You did an amazing choice, I'm proud of you <3

[remember]

@robinmk4l  additionally to eating healthy, are you taking supplements like b vitamins and d3? if it is a mykosis, candidosis it could also be that the "mushroom" in your body is still taking up all of your energy. if it`s really that you need to take something that takes up the mykotoxins the "fungus" creates while at the same time fighting it with special diet and supplements - if it is that.

you could think about supplementing with oregano oil (organic aetheric food quality), coconut oil, zeolith and probiotics.

[Raptorsin7]

@robinmk4l Hey man i've been at a pretty low point in my life before too and I got out of it. Feel free to message me if you want to talk to someone about your progress.