The recurring theme in my relationships

[ivankiss]

@Nahm It's an artist thing, I guess.

Point taken though.

Thanks 

[Nahm]

@ivankiss I just asked my wife, as I am also an artist. “How do you feel about me creating confusion, hurt & sadness in our relationship for a bit?” She said, “go on a solo retreat. Your ego’s got you by the balls”.  She’s so direct sometimes. 

EDIT: She literally just added “If you need me to be happy and in love, we’re both fucked”. 

I’s like “Don’t turquoise me bitch.”

She said “When you stop pretending you’re blue.” 

?

The audacity!

[ivankiss]

@Nahm

Some of the greatest music I've heard was created because of one's suffering.

There is depth in pain and sadness. 

 

 

[Nahm]

@ivankiss For sure. Just careful how deep you choose to go into that, in your knowing suffering = ego. Sometimes we go so deep, we think it’s someone else’s fault, and start talking about trust, etc. Can always let go, in love. 

[ivankiss]

@Nahm I have nothing against ego. It's not an enemy.

I'll go as deep as needed and guide it back to light.

God approves.

[Nahm]

@ivankiss By. The. Balls. ?? You’re believing ego is something other than your believing there is an ego. Where is your nuance, where is your understanding? Who takes ownership of this ‘ego is an enemy’ script? Do you believe someone else is saying this, or do you see that you are?  That statement is relieving, or provocative - up to you...and “you”. I would say good luck guiding the ego back to light, but that’s the thing, “it”  - It is You! Nonetheless, sometimes the only teacher is the hot stove. Sendin some love and wake-the-fuck-up-ness your way my man. 

Side-note...God’s not disapproving or approving. Unconditional, such is True Love.

“The first time you feel it, it might make you mad. Next time you feel it, it might make you sad. But you’ll be glad when you’ve found, that’s the power that makes the world go round.” H Lewis.

”Orange is young and full of daring, but very unsteady for the first go-round....and all these emotions of mine are keepin me from give my life - to a rainbow like you. But I - I’m bold as Love...just ask the axis.” J Hendrix 

“The suffering of which one gives creative credit, is the very blockage of creativity.”  - Anyone but Nahm

 

 

[ivankiss]

@Nahm Cool. But that's not what this topic is focused upon.

 

 

 

 

[Key Elements]

On 11/2/2019 at 4:49 AM, Leo Gura said:

Of course. You two will be living in different realities and disagee like cats and dogs because your values will be out of alignment.

I would never date a Blue girl. It would be like oil and water. Girl's gotta be at least Green understand me.

How is a Blue girl gonna understand that I am God? That won't fly.

Leo, there is something I got to say about this. This is a good topic actually. If a guy (or gal) really wants a relationship with someone in tier 2, that's fine, but I thought tier 2 looks more like this:

(biege+purple+red)+blue+orange+green=tier 2.

And, you said in your SD clip that you can't just skip stages. When you said this, it made complete sense to me. Every stage is profound and has something to offer. Just don't get obsessed and stuck in it. If you do that, then it's a lot of trouble. 

For instance, orange has entrepreneurship to offer. But, a person stuck in orange will turn this into a negative, like, for example, be obsessed with money. A person stuck in blue or green can't see entrepreneurship as a benefit. Even in green, if they are stuck, they will pass off passive income as laziness and as taking advantage of others with your wealth and "power," even though they have a laid back/friendly personality. You cannot go into certain topics with stuck ppl. They will find 101 excuses to think you're trying to be like Trump.

In other words, sure, she may understand that you're God, but if she skips, she may not understand how to get out of the rat race and be self-made, and include your (or her) journey to God along with it.

And also, skipping stage blue may be a lack of healthy boundaries. One day she tells you, "I love this guy too. I've decided to become polyamorous. Please be open-minded and accept this!" Are you going to accept? You cannot just pass off a basic stage like blue as rigid and dogma, and jump into orange.

So many factors, Leo.

[Nahm]

@ivankiss Much love brother, carry on. 

[flume]

@ivankiss Late to the party but I still wanted to share a few thoughts here. So many good answers already.

You might enjoy reading ‘The Road Less Travelled’ by M. Scott Peck. It’s a beautiful book about love, about what it means to invest in people and what a deep commitment it is to decide on growing together. It might reframe your definition of love a bit (relationship-wise) and it can help to pick up on certain patterns in relationships that are very common.

In a way I feel like wanting pure relationships means learning to be in this world again. Relationships are often messy and they require a lot of work. Notice if you’re just imagining some kind of ‘perfect’, effortless state of being together.

As an act of love, for you and the other, exercise your masculine.
Love is also moving on.
Love is knowing when to let go.
Even when your heart is breaking in the process…

Lastly, no excuses for being who you truly are. Let your light shine bright. It might seem at times that there’s no one out there for you but… I don’t know… Trust. At least that’s what I’m trying to do. Take care!

[Lento]

On 01/11/2019 at 8:32 PM, ivankiss said:

I just long for honest, heart to heart connections. Without any pretence or toxicity.

I would say keep looking. Somewhere in this world, there has to be someone like you longing for the same things. Don't close the doors yet, but rather close most of the other unpromising doors deliberately. Keep the door to your heart open ♥️

Edited November 8, 2019 by Lento

[ivankiss]

@flume Beautiful. Thank you.

Heard about the book, thanks for reminding me. Will give it a read one of these days. 

To me, relationships are how the Divine meets itself. The two come together as One and celebrate Unity and Love. No matter how the play is orchestrated. No matter how the stage is set. 

The Universe is dressed up as individuals who have much to learn, heal, share and embrace through each and every interaction. We're all both students and masters. We both learn and teach, simultaneously. 

It is magical.

I definitely hear you on "exercising my masculinity". Been giving that aspect more attention lately. Balancing it with the feminine energy, that seems to be flowing through me rather effortlessly and naturally. I've been a creative, abstract thinker since I know myself. Perhaps that is an explanation. 

Much love.

[ivankiss]

@modmyth Hmm.

As an artist, I find things that "require" some sort of resolution more interesting and beautiful. Deeper. More moving. 

 

I like when there is a certain amount of tension that seeks to be unravelled. A voice yearning to be heard. Something that wishes to find its way back home. Find light. Peace. 

Musically speaking, it makes the piece so much richer.

When the moment of release and triumph finally comes; it is far more blissful, meaningful and magnificent. 

Doesn't mean joy and happiness are not as profound. It's just that in my view; if there is something that brings contrast, be it musical or real life - light shines that much brighter.

I absolutely love music that gives me those "mixed feelings". When I cannot tell if it's sad or happy, dark or bright. It's all of it at once. It's whole. It's beautiful.

Here's a good example; 

 

[ivankiss]

@Lento Thank you 

The door is wide open ?

[YLayla27]

I'm just like you. It all comes down to boundaries, stopping self abandonment, not giving more than what we receive, not loving people more deeply than they are connected to their own true selves (loving someones potential)... I think this stems from a childhood of neglect, emotionally unavailable parents...we were never loved, seen, felt, understood as children. We try to solve this trauma by attaching to people with similar traits than our parents had and try to make these people love us by giving too much. Self Betrayal. Toxic wrong kind of empathy. Too trusting. Lack of discernment. Anxious attachment...ultimately lack of self worth. I struggle with the same thing. I know Im great, talented, intelligent, strong, think in my mind that I love myself yet Im chasing unavailable narcissistic sociopathic people with no conscience hoping they will one day love me like I love them while being fully aware that they are in full ego false self mode unable to see reality.

Edited November 9, 2019 by YLayla27

[Surfingthewave]

@ivankiss Why do you think you are you attracting girls that need "saving" as you so describe? 

[ivankiss]

@Surfingthewave Not exactly sure.

Perhaps I was subconsciously attracted to their pain bodies. One could say I have a thing for darkness  I am able to see beauty in it.

But I am obviously referring to my past experiences here. Expressing things here is just another way for me to shine light on my past and reach a deeper understanding of it. 

I doubt I'd be a match for similar relationships now. I've been going through a big transformation.

[ivankiss]

@YLayla27 Yeah, I totally feel you. It's definitely a childhood thing. I've been abandoned and neglected from a very young age, by both of my parants. 

It sure left a mark. 

However, I feel like I've healed most of those wounds. Took me quite some time, a vast amount of introspection, hardcore isolation and, well, a few unhealthy relationships... but it is all clear now. I know the source of it all. 

I hope to start building healthy relationships in my future. Wish you the same