The recurring theme in my relationships

[ivankiss]

@DrewNows True words, brother. Thank you.

Again...I know. But the pattern keeps repeating itself  I may be a slow learner on this one haha.

 @Annoynymous

Beautiful. Thank you, I really appreciate it. You hit some nails definitely. Spot on. 

I resonate highly with practicing being on the receiving end. Definitely not my role that often. And you're so right it's necessary for a harmonious relationship.

Will keep in mind, surely.

Bless you.

[Nahm]

@ivankiss Just another lens to consider, if it’s helpful... Give some thought to just how different perception is in the beginning of the circle vs having gone full circle. One who believes the way they feel is because of their circumstances, and or other people, can not see otherwise currently. You can. When you come from your knowing, because they can’t yet perceive that way, they’re of course going to personify you rather than see it as a perspective , and take it as an attack on them because they are still identified. Leaving you scratching your head. It can be helpful to see the path is strictly a one off, and though it adds a ... triality (?)...think of the relationship as a third party, something you’re each caring for. 

“Trying to connect with the truth of their being. Their hearts. Not their masks.”

I totally hear that...but someone who has not done this yet themself, might be sort of meta-instinctually defensive. 

[Conscious life]

That is my what circumstances looks like. 

 

[ivankiss]

@Nahm I hear you. Will contemplate some more. Definitely helpful, thank you.

30 minutes ago, Nahm said:

someone who has not done this yet themself, might be sort of meta-instinctually defensive. 

I can sense that, yes. Can you tell me though...Why is it that I am able to have glimpses of their purity? Their highest potential? Is that just a reflection thing? Those moments might be brief and rare, but I know they are true.

It's almost as if those very moments are what keeps me "hooked". You know what I mean?

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, Bill W said:

Yeh but it I've got this right, she will also have to accept herself as God? 

That will fly even less.

Blue people cannot accept themselves as God.

[Nahm]

@ivankiss Yes, I know what you’re saying, I see it too. When you’ve seen through you, you’ve seen through everyone. It is your reflection, shaktipah, of your the highest calling. 

[JustThinkingAloud]

6 hours ago, ivankiss said:

It's not really a relationship if one side is unable to relate.

I’m not really sure what you mean. To me it sounds that you can relate with people and other people relate with you. Maybe you think that it all should be smooth sailing? Beware of perfection, it doesn't exist.

6 hours ago, ivankiss said:

I am far away from giving up on people. I love them. But it's precisely this love that often keeps me in for too long. I tolerate too much darkness and somehow justify it all by saying: "They just don't know any better. They just need love." 

Yes, they do. That’s why sometimes letting them be is love too. We all need to learn our own lessons and become independent. Sometimes, loving someone also means letting them to learn on their own.

Also, as much as your mind has expanded, you’re still in this body and you need to respect it’s limitations. There’s a reason why you’re on this forum because you can help a lot of people with one post. Trying to help people one on one is not as productive and it's nearly impossible to help everyone. Maybe if you start seeing that you’re helping here and that you don’t have to feel bad that you’re not using your love on everyone you meet.

[Angelite]

On 11/2/2019 at 2:32 AM, ivankiss said:

People tend to get increasingly uncomfortable in my presence due to the level of acceptance I show them. 

As if they are able to accept themselves nowhere nearly as deeply and honestly. 

They do not know how to interpret or respond to the light radiating in their direction. They are not used to the space I am able to hold for them. How closely I listen. How openly I talk. How comfortable I am with silence.

I often see them struggle to maintain their facade. Terrified for their masks that are slowly being melted away just because of my presence. 

They cannot fathom my unconditional love towards them. They often suspect that there must be some kind of a hidden agenda. A twist. A nasty, selfish reason.

When there really is not. I just am as I am. Trying to connect with the truth of their being. Their hearts. Not their masks.

It's just natural to me.

Needless to say, this scenario is even more exaggerated in intimate, romantic relationships. The closer I get to them, the more chaotic it gets. It's almost as if the light burns them too much.

The end result usually being one of these:

1. They start perceiving me as their saviour and develop a strong, unhealthy attachment.

2. They become more and more insecure about themselves and contract deep into their shells. 

3. They interpret my loving kindness as weakness and see me as a child who knows nothing about the "real world".

4. They get too comfortable with my acceptance and start using me as a puppet to project onto their unconscious nastiness. Full on, no breaks. All the pilled up pain, trauma, abuse. Everything. As if they're saying: "Here. These are all the aspects I do not know how to accept about myself. Can you do it for me?" 

 

I want to be no one's hero. Or saviour. Or puppet. My intentions are always pure and heart-centered when entering the relationship. Why do they end up this way? 

Is that just simply my role? Should I... accept it? Or should I avoid getting too close to anybody?

I often stay too long in these kinds of relationships, I admit. It's exhausting. Draining.

I just long for honest, heart to heart connections. Without any pretence or toxicity. 

Anyone had similar experiences?

What am I overlooking?

What's the leason?

Aww you're an artist~

One quote from Allah for you :

"And do not make your hand [as] chained to your neck or extend it completely and [thereby] become blamed and insolvent." [17:29]

This verse is about not giving way too much or too little of what you have. But to be in the middle path. 

This generosity can be applied to emotional generosity too . I literally asked God what He's got to say to you. Goodluck♦

?

♦Do not give more than what you're capable of giving.

♦Do not give too little of what you have. 

♦Allah is the Lover of all beings(re:creations) and the Sustainer of all It's Creations. It's not your job to love them more than God do and to give them more than what God wish to give them. 

So you can chill. God does not became tired... You're not God! Haha runnnn

Edited November 3, 2019 by Angelite

[ivankiss]

@Nahm @JustThinkingAloud @Angelite @modmyth

Thank you all so much. It is appreciated. Lots of different perspectives. Lots of aspects to shine light on. I've been inquiring a lot. Grateful for your help. Your generosity. Your love.

Here's a few more thoughts that entered my mind today;

Is it possible that I trust people too much? Too blindly? 

Is it..khm.. wrong to give 100% of your trust to the one you get intimately involved with? Should trust be built and/or earned instead; slowly, gradually?

Wouldn't that signify lack of trust towards myself? 

Am I just too gullible? Naive?

Should I always leave room for suspicion?

Why do I feel betrayed and heartbroken after these relationships when it is clear to me that the actions of others have nothing to do with me?

How can I be fully invested and committed without being attached? 

Is it simply supposed to hurt? Is life teaching me a lesson? Helping me grow? Am I lost in this game of relationships?

 

Edited November 3, 2019 by ivankiss

[pluto]

I've become used to it, Its natural, you'll learn as you grow

Just keep being you, that's the best thing you can do, everything will fall into place and the right people will eventually come into your life.

Sooner or later, those who cannot withstand your light dissolve from your reality and those who can become apart of it.

Like-frequency attracts like-frequency.

Namaste <3

 

 

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Is it possible that I trust people too much?

What is it which you believe you must trust people for? 

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Why do I feel betrayed and heartbroken after these relationships when it is clear to me that the actions of others have nothing to do with me?

Because you attached feeling wonderful to having / being with someone, or to being seen as such. 

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

How can I be fully invested and committed without being attached? 

Don’t believe in need or lack. Or, go deeper into it, total desperation and hopelessness. That’s great for realizing beliefs being held. All roads lead to feeling better no matter what you do. (Sorry)

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Is it simply supposed to hurt? Is life teaching me a lesson? Helping me grow?

It’s not supposed to be anything. If “it” was supposed to be something else, “it” would be already. “It” is awesome, all “it” is, is you. So, “it” literally is super fucking awesome. No hurt, no lesson, no help, no growth. These things are created by first believing you are anything less than fucking awesome as is. 

[ivankiss]

@pluto Thank you ❤

 

@Nahm Yes, I understand. But you are speaking of the mountain there  

I am the mountain. I am pure and untouchable consciousness.

That does not change.

I know the absolute holds the answers to all questions.

But,

Emotions still arise. Thoughts do. The pattern keeps playing itself out. The game is still on. 

I play.

And I love it, very much. Be it what it is. I would sign up for everything again and again. 

There is fun in not knowing it all at all times. 

I just want to improve my skills in a down to earth manner. 

God is so realized, he sometimes takes a vacation from himself 

Thanks ❤

 

[Nahm]

@ivankiss Seems maybe you are holding duality apart from non? Like “well ya, I’m infinite love...but girls...”.   Who / what are those emotions and thought arising in? What’s the relationship? What’s the pattern?

[JustThinkingAloud]

@ivankiss

I love your attitude, there's still so much to know and learn. I actually think that there's no end, we can always go deeper and deeper into the Truth.

The way I see it is that God is constantly giving us lessons. It's really hard to tell you what your lessons are and their solutions, you got the closest perspective. What I do, I try to see the lesson and then change what I do and see whether I still got the same lesson or whether I've done it "right" and got what I wanted. So keep playing with different things and you'll get there!

[Water]

Sorry had an issue with the quote 

Ivankiss said "I can sense that, yes. Can you tell me though...Why is it that I am able to have glimpses of their purity? Their highest potential? Is that just a reflection thing? Those moments might be brief and rare, but I know they are true."

I feel you on this one friend... I'm in the same boat along with some of what you said in the original post. I sense it may be the same for you as it is for me but when you get a hint of that purity and potential you feel a sense of obligation to help. I've helped people that went on to help others and I can't tell you how grateful it made me feel to impact people in that way, but for others either I was unheard, disregarded, or taken advantage of. 

I think some people just aren't ready for our type of support, and it's up to us to know when we're not the right person to help. 

 

Edited November 4, 2019 by Water

[Water]

 

 

 

 

13 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Is it possible that I trust people too much? Too blindly? 

I think that is the case friend.

 

 

 

 

 

13 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Is it..khm.. wrong to give 100% of your trust to the one you get intimately involved with? Should trust be built and/or earned instead; slowly, gradually?

It's not particularly wrong, but do you feel the ones you gave it to have earned it? If not then your already seeing the lesson. Yes, it is definitely supposed to be gradual. Give someone your complete trust upfront and they may assume you think it has no apparent value, but if you allow them to earn it over time they themselves start to place a value on it. For example. You give a friend your complete trust right off the bat and they obviously wrong you, and you turn forgive them because you know they know better and might just need more chances. The problem is you may have just opened a door for them to (consciously or unconsciously) think they can consistently get away with this type of behavior. On the other hand, if they spent months earning your trust the value they add is the time and effort it took for them to earn it. Now they are less likely to do something to make you distrust them because of the fear of losing your trust that they worked so hard to earn.

 

 

 

 

1

14 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Wouldn't that signify lack of trust towards myself? 

I honestly don't think so, why do you think that would be the case?

 

 

 

 

 

14 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Am I just too gullible? Naive?

Should I always leave room for suspicion?

I struggle with this as well sometimes, it really is a fine line. like Leo likes to say "open-minded skepticism"

We should never make assumptions but we also should set forth boundaries with other people, and be very clear about them. Boundaries are very healthy.

 

 

 

 

14 hours ago, ivankiss said:

How can I be fully invested and committed without being attached? 

Jeez dude that's a solid question... I don't have an answer but I think that question should be addressed after you found someone worth fully investing in. Don't sell yourself short, you have a beautiful soul which appears to have so much to give. Don't settle and when you feel like you found the right one allow her to earn your trust, Just as I know you will do your best to earn their trust.

 

 

 

 

 

14 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Is it simply supposed to hurt? Is life teaching me a lesson? Helping me grow? Am I lost in this game of relationships?

I would say so, to me this is the equivalent of touching fire. Enough times and you will realize, ok I need to stop doing that.

No man, you are absolutely not lost. With that said we do live in a male-dominated society where everything is a competition, it definitely makes having relationships more complicated. It's a learning curve, this is just another opportunity for you to grow. Or else you wouldn't be where you are now, on this forum, discovering how to overcome your own boundaries

[ivankiss]

@Nahm May seem that way, because commitment. Dedication. Immersion.

It is precisely because everything is Love that everything is allowed. Confusion, hurt, sadness. Everything. No one is trying to rise above. Rather; experience. Transform.

I am privileged to feel all this.

When I'm mixing a particular instrument within a song, I mute every other instrument. That way I can focus fully and exclusively on that aspect. Polish it. Make it sit perfectly in the overall mix. That does not mean I forget about the song as a whole. I can maintain awareness of the totality of the song, while narrowing my focus down to a specific aspect. A detail. I even jump back and forth between full composition and the singled out instrument. To hear how things blend. I do this for each and every instrument individually. 

You feel me?

It would be ridiculous for me to say: "it's all just one song. It's unnecessary to polish all these fragments." There's no mastery in that. Yes, the song would be whole regardless. But my skills as a producer would be shit 

Edited November 4, 2019 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

Thank you @Water @JustThinkingAloud

Wonderful, wonderful suggestions. Felt it deeply.

Change is definitely necessary. I obviously just straight up assume others will be able to open up, love and trust me the way I do. That's clearly not how this works. 

I really should value more what I have to offer in a relationship. Instead of believing others will somehow recognize the purity of my intentions. I take myself for granted. I forget how rare these qualities are in this day and age.

I guess it all comes down to self worth. I can see how and why that might be an issue. 

Much love to ya all!

Edited November 4, 2019 by ivankiss

[Angelite]

21 hours ago, ivankiss said:

@Nahm @JustThinkingAloud @Angelite @modmyth

Thank you all so much. It is appreciated. Lots of different perspectives. Lots of aspects to shine light on. I've been inquiring a lot. Grateful for your help. Your generosity. Your love.

Here's a few more thoughts that entered my mind today;

Is it possible that I trust people too much? Too blindly? 

Is it..khm.. wrong to give 100% of your trust to the one you get intimately involved with? Should trust be built and/or earned instead; slowly, gradually?

Wouldn't that signify lack of trust towards myself? 

Am I just too gullible? Naive?

Should I always leave room for suspicion?

Why do I feel betrayed and heartbroken after these relationships when it is clear to me that the actions of others have nothing to do with me?

How can I be fully invested and committed without being attached? 

Is it simply supposed to hurt? Is life teaching me a lesson? Helping me grow? Am I lost in this game of relationships?

 

I trust God. When you have give yourself to God, God will guide you and show you what's true and what to stay away from. It's like, I don't have to do the "suspicion" myself. I can skip both the trust & the suspicion process. God do it for me. 

The implication of this, is not how you'd imagine it to be. 

This can be applied to everything. It's like setting your highest standard. Beyond gods & goddesses.  

Allah is the One whom you should trust. The Creator of you and me who knows all that is hidden & obvious. I don't trust creations. I trust God. There is a fine line between creation and God. I trust God more than I trust myself.

God & His messengers, me, then everyone else. That's my hierarchy. 

[Nahm]

@ivankiss I didn’t realize you were purposely creating confusion, hurt & sadness as a reoccurring theme in your relationships. Sorry. Just seems foreign to me I guess.  Carry on brother and .....Godspeed...? I guess? ??