oMarcos WRITES his mind

[oMarcos]

Quote

I am exactly like Fiona Apple only I have never done anything that proves people should wait for me to finish whatever I am working on. But in terms of taking a long time to do things I am fiona apple

 

[oMarcos]

Inga Moore (Anglo-Australian, b.1945) - The Wind in the Willows 

[oMarcos]

Tonight I feel loneliness, hate and grief. The feeling of being stabbed on my back, and having the courage to pretend I didn't felt it.

How much can I take this. Does it even makes any sense, how true is all this negative emotion, why is it here.

I can't help it. I just can't stand it. I need connection.

Edited July 6, 2020 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Pretty much everything we do in life is to maximize love, even those who might denie it, they're just playing hide n seek, the rabbit hole falls in the same ending place for everyone.

How much of it is just selfishness, me trying to get love for myself without being able to share it, how come someone can know consciously that it's doing this.

My best guess is that love can't be an idea you chase with your thoughts. It's the way someone percieves one self, without being disturbed by judgement of others, that's love bravery, free from fear, right there.

[oMarcos]

Fuck. fuck. fuck. My self-esteem is disturbely influenced by the way I think others percieve me (not that much as it used to be, getting better at this as the sense of "I" dissolutes) but I can't help it to feel grief for those who don't see me as the way I see them.

Am I a pleaser? Am I just constantly avoiding conflict? How much of it is worth it, is it worth it to pretend? To play the game of who wins at loving one self the most? Lol, yeah, fuck you, I love me, but I can't have this just for myself.

[oMarcos]

A stable and comfortable life is often what people think to be the necessary to feel fulfilled, but it never really comes just from that.

It seems that the right ammount of uncertainty is much healthier and misunderstood that what most people think. Can we appreciate the beauty of the unkwown? It's just pure potential. Nothing is decided. Most of our pain comes for this "not knowing what will be", we are afraid, tired to plan, consumed by fear of failure, disapointment.  

Future needs to be seen as a constant blank canvas ready to be painted.

 

[oMarcos]

Restart number 10.000

[oMarcos]

Humble attention is the key for Will and manifestation.

[oMarcos]

Intuition and my balls is all I got

[oMarcos]

How to be a good friend?

[oMarcos]

Everyone is just living their on Utopia, there is no one truly awoke here.

Move on

[oMarcos]

There comes a time when we should know the right time to drop the gun and bury it underneath the dirt.

Things get naturally fixed without any need to create turbulence, if we want to.

Edited August 7, 2020 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Accepting things as they are, without need for change, is what brings change.

[oMarcos]

Things need to change, and not merely the way I think, but mostly how I manage things to happen and manifest into my life.

Feels like I am holding on every aspect of my past for it survive, which is leading me into suffering and not being resilient.

Way too much things that I carry. All this energy holding. Fear, hate, repentance of every thing said and done.

I can't go on with certain patterns any longer, because they will lead me nowhere.

Some dreams need to fade so others can arise, there is absolutely no choise here.

Now the dream has changed the shape, this shape is yet strange for me, I'll let it unfold without to much judgment, I'll respect this process.

It took me an big amount absurdity long time to let go, now once again, I pay the price for that silly persistence, which was not hope, but fear.

 

 

I am a dreamer, I just like to dream whatever about the future. I'll try to be more present and think less, to do more. I will try.

It's not important that some people will leave my life, is not important what they think or judge, I'll just let them all be as they are.

I will be leaving soon, just soon enough for everything unfold in the proper direction that needs to go, with resilience and hope.

 

[oMarcos]

IWNBTFGA

[oMarcos]

 

Give more, expect less.

Edited August 8, 2020 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

genesis by observership

[oMarcos]

I shouldn't have said that. It's often error to assume others will understand us as if they had the same daydream as we do. 

Think before you sleep and think before you speak.

[oMarcos]

And even if you are full of good intentions, no one knows about your intentions: They will assume whatever, It's a dice game.

[oMarcos]

Next message goes on Friday 23h00. Some self-control is very important, even though it may seem irrelevant in this case.