oMarcos WRITES his mind

[oMarcos]

Tonight is Halloween, and I am at home studying Pharmacy, my mind is telling me: "Look at you, everyone at partys, and you are so boring here doing nothing." But then I think, tomorrow morning I will wake up fresh, and those people who are at partys will wake up late and feeling dizzy, and they probably failed all the flirting approaches. My mind likes to imagine that everyone fails, so I can feel good about myself. But don't get me wrong, I really like to go out, but in my current life circumstance and the place I live, does not allow me to be that social animal. So I try to evolve my spiritual life and finishing my course, so in the future all of this "loliness" was actually a very important part of my life where I was growing and being in peace. 

[oMarcos]

I also want to say that this thread is oficially sponsored by Eris

 

 

[oMarcos]

Hapiness comes from being where you are RIGHT NOW, period.

[oMarcos]

Losing fear of Expressing myself is a key point for my Self Esteem, and Synchronicity will fall into place.

 

 

 

[oMarcos]

 

LAURA HAS SECRETS, AND SO DO I

 

Day 1: 3/10 - Feelings of hate, rage, violence, self-pity, love, longing and loliness arise towards you, but I do know, It's not meant to be like this

forever, and I will change this mind pattern. C.H.A.O.S Confidence Honour Attention Organization and  Sensitivity.

 

Inertia shall not win, I will conquer.

 

 

 

 

 

[oMarcos]

vulnerability = Ecstasy

the quality of being vulnerable (= able to be easily hurt, influenced, or attacked), or something that is vulnerable:

 

Edited November 18, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Day 2: 6/10 Feelings of Guilt, Victimization, Anger, Self-Pity, Craving, Mental Isolation - embrace them as friends do

IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT

I CAN'T DO ANY BETTER, I DON'T EXPECT A THING

 

What I want is not what i Need. What I want destroys me, what i Need heals.

O que eu quero não é aquilo que eu preciso, o que eu quero destrói-me, o que eu preciso cura-me.

Edited November 19, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Day 3: 5/10 I will accept that I can't control my thoughts, I will accept them as they come, no matter how turbulent and malicious they might be, I will conquer. Don't be afraid of change

Edited November 20, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Day 4: 3/10 I don't need this

 

love and loss are flip sides of the same coin

 

love =  attention and validation EGO MIND GETS APPROVAL, ego mind enters a new paradigm 

loss  = loss of attention and validation  EGO MIND GETS DISAPPROVAL, ego mind exits a old paradigm (this exit can be easy or hard depending on how much our personallity shifted and formed  along the way during the relationship, are we still the same identity after a break-up?  The part of our identity related to the relationship worldview slowly fades.) Fears of change and dark future expectations arise due to life circumstances, easily solved with enough self-care and self-esteem.

Memories are the final and eternal judge.

THE CYCLE ENDS  "love" is not something to be craved for to get ego mind approval

but rather, love comes natural to us without any effort or planning, without intention, such as the brutal nature of Truth

love must stop the craving.  "loss" is not something to be denied, but rather exists for reasons beyond control, I can only control myself, and that's enough.

 

next episode: WHY DO I NEED TO BE UNDERSTOOD, IS IT JUST TO MAKE SURE THAT MY CONFIRMATION BIAS IS NOT AN ILLUSION? 

 

Edited November 22, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Day 5: 3/10 I can't do any better and my mind will be saved, I am moving on. 

The need to be understood is gradually fading away, that's good good news.

 

Red Colour

Edited November 22, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

 

"What I do I say
But I can't get far away
Oh, I go back to
A memory again" 

 

and couldn't be more accurate_ "there's something in the melody, filled with hope, joy and uncertainty. and allows you to see through the years, like it's all going to work out, with the one you're with, or without, a future we can't see, and you don't need to be afraid of it, if you know it's there."

 

I've been going to bed almost at 3:30 am as an habit this past few days, I must drop this habit soon as possible. what keeps me stuck on the computer for so long is the search for online companion, something to hide the fact that I feel uterly alone and have no one to talk to. So I stay late just to feed the mind with intellectual stuff and make the lonerism fade away. The night should not be an escape but a moment of sleep. 

Edited November 23, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Day 6: 3/10 Peace on my private island. Just follow the track.

watch the throne

Edited November 23, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Day 7: 2/10 Action makes you feel worth it.

[oMarcos]

Day 8: 5/10 The mind will dream even when we are awake, aware carefully how the dream will unfold.

 

 

Edited November 25, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

repetition makes things trivial

 

a repetiçao torna as coisas banais

 

 

Edited November 25, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Day 9: 3/10  dream baby dream. the mind will dream and will make you do it/ is my will to not compare myself to nobody, don't watch others. this is my dance of reality, shall we dance? dance a good dance, dream a good dream.

is my will to dream my choosen dream, reality is my dream board-

 

blue colour

 

I've always done funny short videos with mask effects on the phone, with a strange voice. I've always found it funny. today during my meditation I just recieved this dream about making this videos to open public and publish them on instagram story. At first it sounds very temptive to expose my funny side to others, without being afraid of being disliked by someone, it's just me free will to express my sense of humour, and I do feel great to do that. For now I will just consider the idea, and I'm thinking about a name for the carachter I will create. 

 

today my mother asked me where I'm going to spend my new years eve. and I've no clue, friends = none; girlfriend = none; I really don't care, just wanna live in the present moment without thinking about where I will be on that particular day where everyone is suposed to be wild and having hot sex. I am living and learning how to feel good being alone, it's not an easy task. sometimes I wish it could be better but I don't complain, I am in this position because I created it. And sooner or later, when the time is the right, I will unfold to other direction and learn again.

 

tasks: study pharmacy, ride bycicle, having good night of sleep. do something creative and expose it, learn new recipes. what about meeting new people? I can't do that now I guess, internet is not a good place to do that for now.

let's just... be patient Marcos.

Edited November 26, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

Day 10: 3/10 don't compare, do that.

 

Inertia is my worst enemie. I must defeat it.

 

Edited November 28, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

after this 10 days, I decided that this journal will no longer be daily. I'll post whenever I feel like I'm posting and not making such a big deal of it.

 The level of my psychological peace - pain will remain to exist in every post from 1 until 10. 10 is maximum pain 1 is peace and contentment ~

 

today is 5/10 - anxiety levels a little bit high, and I can understand why. No Fap November was really a great thing that I get involved, I noticed positive changes considering the levels of energy, self-esteem/ self-worth, confidence & less anxiety. I will continue to do it for the next December month.

November = 7 NUTS and I will try to reduce it for 5 in December, that would be like 1 nut per week each month, wich I think is the perfect balance.

I never actually understood why should someone do it, for me is clear that interaction with women gets easily corrupted if I am just chasing sex, if that is not my primary intention, I'll be much more relaxed and grounded when interacting with the opposite sex. without 2nd intentions (let's try)

 

Stages of Action: The Cycle

Inertia → Intelectual Independence → Impermanence → Possibility → Intention → VULNERABILITY → Sense of Direction → Flow → Synchronicity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 28, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

I don't need needles on my heart, this is serious Marcos. Don't put yourself in a position where you'll find a needle, protect our mind all costs. I order Psychic protection, safety, preservance, self-esteem, hope, light, magick, I deserve it.

Permanent Goodbye.

 

 

"Make sure you don't undersell your progress. It's easy to forget how much we grow, especially if we grew a lot.

It's good to remind yourself once in a while how unconscious you used to be."

Edited December 2, 2019 by oMarcos

[oMarcos]

shadow work: at first there is a problem, and then It's gone, because we changed our mind about it

- but the body of the issue seems very real, It's only when we explore that we will discover his form: nothing.

<p align="right">Why was this body created (or should we call it evil spirit) within us: making us feeling like a victim, what is the purpose of such sadomasochism? I call it egotism, egotism creates such body's. This bodys are lifeguards that are trying to pull back the world the way we want it to be. so I would say that expectation from something different that it is, not being grateful for what we have, complaining and whining, comparing our life's with peole we don't even know. we forget about our own value, no one will tell us that we are good enough unless we already know that we are good enough. why is the need for validation if the mind is one and everywhere! Here I call it, I have been selfish. The world is not only about my desires,  or the things I like. The world is about discovery and interaction, it's not an island where I get everything I want without making an effort to contribute somehow with the rest, I am apart of the scenario, trying to put myself outside of the scenario creates monsters, I don't need protection from monsters. Instead, this monsters will guide me through the things I already know that I don't need, the monsters are good if I don't interact with them, but it's important to know that they already arrived and are dominated by the self. They are dogs to protect my house. Good dog, stay quiet, and protect my house.</p>

 

 

 

 

Recognize the Self-Love even if the Monsters appear.

Reconoce el amor propio incluso si aparecen los Monstruos.

 

Edited December 5, 2019 by oMarcos