Experiencing my own death

[wesyasz]

So, yesterday I did mushrooms for the first time. 5g of them. 
That was the most beautiful and most horrific thing that ever happened to me. I have felt a rush of love and energy through my body to my third eye. But then I have felt like something has been entering my body through there. Different spirits. I've been pushed to the wall unable to move. Until it have got there and I have been transcendent to a different dimension where I could see the world with different eyes. I did felt possessed. My hands felt devilish. 
And then it started getting deeper. I don't even remember that much now, but I forgot who I was, I forgot my name, I forgot this reality. I was crying, I was laughing, I was screaming, I felt being Om. I felt weightless, I have watched my body dissolving into everything. I became god. I couldn't believe how is that possible I have ever believed that there was such a thing as death. I was HOME. I realized I have always been longing it, so is every being which I am. I understood what it means to be prisoner to this body. I understood everything. I couldn't believe how is this possible I have ever forgot that. I have understood that every single thing in my life has been pointing to that. Been preparing me for this. And then I have experienced my nearly own death. I have had a choice of falling asleep for infinity. And everyone who pointed me towards this direction been there with me, but in the same time I understood what it means to be there on your own. For eternity. I was dancer dancing it's dance alone forever. I was singer longing home forever. It never was me. It never was her. It never happened. I have had a choice to "die" and become 
"asleep" for eternity, but it felt so lonesome, even though this feeling was divine. I understood that dying is a choice of forgetting idea of this lifetime and moving to another one. But there was so much sadness of letting this go and attachment to this that I have decided to stay, even though I felt I could become anyone I want. In the same time I've realized that who I am is exactly who I want to imagine me to be.
Then I felt I have to recreate this reality. But I've been locked in eternity of suffering. I have been in this very room I am right now, but I couldn't do anything. Time has stopped.  I have been locked in one minute for a hundreds of years. Alone. With no escape. I knew that this reality is made out of love and all there is is love. So I have been trying to look for mantras, but my mind was non-existent. All I could make myself say was "I love you".
I slowly made it through back to here. First thing I have noticed was my breath. My attachment to this life was my wife who I was unable to let go memory of. Even though I knew it will free me. Funny thing is our paths are just splitting.
I am still collecting myself. I know I am all of you. And I love you all. But in the same time, I feel the most lonely person on this planet. Is this what awakening is? I wish I could unsee it...