Here we go again?

[Lubomir]

It's more then 2 months since I brake-up with my ex. Well, to be more specific, she said it first.

I'm sure that you can find history of it at my profile if you're interested (older topics).

But why m I here again looking for tips, thoughts and  ideas?

 

Since that time we met each other just few times, didn't talk too much. But few days back we had our graduation ceremony at university. There we had 5-10 mins to talk to each other before the ceremony start. It was cool, we were both kinda unsure at the start, but it lastonly few sec and we started talking like a good friends again. After ceremony she came to me and ask me if I have time for a cup of tea or something... I told her taht I don't, because we're going with my family to lunch, but atthe afternoon I should be back in the city again and I don't have a problem to go with her and talk. She told me that she's going to work after 15:00 so forget it, maybe later then, bye, bye...

(It's kinda important to say, that the night before I was with another girl, which I'm dating right now. We were in my room having "fun" but not sex really)

That day after graduation I had some work in the city and I should done it early, but something messed up and i ended at 19:30. I called the girl that I'm dating if she still have some time, she didn't sound like she really have. She wanted to see me, but I could recognize that it's complication for her. So I said "ok, I'l see you next dayor something"... I went to my car, started engine and in that moment I felt strong feeling that told me "Visit her at work, she invited you 3 times already and you always had something to do, go to her now". (This feeling was about my ex ofcourse)

So I went to the place where she used to work (I didn't know if she's still work there). It's small artistic cafe,not so popular (because nobody knows it exist, but extremely nice, calm and clean place). She was there and alone. The moment she saw me, she started smiling and shaking at the same time. I sat down and ask her for a tea and toast with a smile on my face. She was surprised the whole time and extremely glad that I came. We talked a bit and I discovered that she's still love me. At one moment she almost said it. But it wasn't sad orsomething, it was great, we were having a good time... I was there only for half hour and then left.

 

2 Days after that I was at my work, in sport bar with bowling in it. I'm working there as a bartender. She texted me if I wantto meet her this day at "her" cafe again, but today it's closed, so we would be alone. (That text for me was like "Do you want to have sex with me?")

So I responded that I'm at work today and I'm going to be there till midnight. She asked wheredo I work? I told her the name of bar. She didn't text back, but ofcourse, after 1 hour she came through the front door to the bar. She stayed for another hour standing next to the bar just so she could talk to me. And there, there my friends, I started to be more curious. Even that I knew where this will go...

She asked if she can see me another time. I instantly told her "how about next day? I have time till 17", she agreed even though she couldn't believe it. After my work I checked my phone and there was message from her "Here, there's your ticket" - she bought be a train ticket from my home to the city for a next day just to "make sure" that I'm coming... I did not respond.

Next day morning she messaged me if I did not changed my mind? I responded "Do you need some sort of confirmation that I'm coming?"

We met at trainstation, went for a lunch, had few drinks, talk... I gave her kinda hard time. Her self-confidence were much bigger then it was when we brake-up, so she were even more dominating then before... but not to me, to me, she was scared and careful. She told me that because of me she discovered this power of dominance in her and that she's kinda playing with it right now, that she want's to know where's the limit of it. She's using it to "play" with other people. She also told me that she feel like I brake-up with her and not her with me - and with this I agree, I couldnt stand her behavior anymore. She would want me back. It was obvious that we both want to talk about it more deeply, but for it we needed private. 

So at first we went to "my" bar, but here was friends of the owner so we went fora plan B - artistic cafe which was that day closed too.

There we went to the gallery with a bunch of drinks. It was emotional and fun. After a while she join me at the couch and we started to talk even more deeply. She said that she still love me, but that she know that we can't be together untill she do something about herself. I said that we both know it, then I took her by the hand and told her about the girl that I'm dating right now. She started to cry, saying things like "ofcourse... ofcourse, what else you could do... i know... you're awesome perso..., ofcourse there is another girl already..." we cuddle a bit. Then went to our sides of couch and talk about us more. She told me about that guy that she loved too, when we were together - she don't love him anymore, thanks to me she discovered that she can love only me...

It wont take long and I knew it's coming... And I'm not going to lie, I went for it. I went for a kiss and it started... How much I love having sex with her. We fucked, heh, for about 2 hours at that couch till we both needed to go. It was 16:40 and we both needed to be at 17 somewhere else. So we stoped... but just because of it...

 

We went out, we looked each toher straight into the eyes and wehugged each other strongly.

That was 2 days ago.

The same day at night I was with that girl I'm dating. We were alone at "my" bar at the couch too and I told her about "my day"... I knew she will understand and she did. I closed the doors to her because of it, (in terms of some unshakable relationship) but we are still having fun with each other, text each other and todaywe are going to the cinema. I'm having awesome life right now and it's only because I'm doing and saying what I truly feel. And yes, I truly feel deep connection to my ex. She's going abroad in 2 moths for another 6 months, so there's definitely no space for something more... And also, there's the girl that I'm dating and a lot more... I kinda don't know what to do with that

Thank you so much <3

 

[Lubomir]

Also... yes, I see the devil in her and in me. I think I'm kinda conscious about what I do and what I don't...