Trip report: 20 grams of Psilocybin truffles

[Brainsports]

My inner work and self reflection has led me to a place where I wanted to confront my subconcious. I wanted to see myself from another perspective and look into my being from the outside, beyond my own personal bias and ego. I had meditated for a while on this which led me to think about taking psychedelics. I booked a trip to Amsterdam in Europe and me and my friend both took 20 grams of Dolphins delight truffles in the hotel room (Both begginers)

The come up was something I had never experienced before. I suddenly burst out laughing, losing control of my actions and thoughts unable to look at my friend without laughter. I then suddenly felt myself jolted into a new frequency and reality. My world became like an oil painting as I was teleported into another dimension. The first thing I saw was the patterns on the carpet changing colours and moving. The structure of the pattern looked like an alien dancing infront of me. I then looked at the TV and could see the female on the screen now appearing 3D and reaching out to me. I was then given one of my first spiritual insights of the day. 

I began looking at everything in the world which seemed to embody the essence of my father. The TV, the bed, the windows, my face, even the concept of time and space seemed to somehow represent my father. I visualised my genetic father in everything. I began to understand that I am an extention of him in the anchestrial ladder of existence. His experience is embodied in my experience. I realised that I cannot help but view the world through the lens of what my father taught me since I was a younger child. We learn a lot as children and some of our deepest held beliefs and mental indexes/belief fragments can come from these times that become some of our strongest inner convictions. 

Am I just a reflection of my father? Is this a bad or a good thing?  I began to relax and just experience. The psilocybin began to attack my identity. Suddenly depressive thoughts raced to my awareness. 

''You are taking psychedelics in a hotel room with a male friend and you are a loser''

I couldn't shake off this negative mindset the shrooms were showing me. Time itself began to collapse and I was in a four dimensional bubble looking through time from the outside. I saw time as a series of changes like the seasons. With each season that came up completely changed my mood. I felt happy one moment and then sad the next. I could hear a bell outside which would strike every 3 minutes or so and everytime it struck it changed my awareness and mood. My friend felt the exact same thing. The happy season was fun and interesting but the cold season came on abruptly and made my world cold and unbalanced.

My friend was pacing up and down the room which started to annoy me. I turned to my friend and yelled at him to stop pacing (he paced around the room for 2 hours asking if I am okay) I then tried to get away from the world and hid under the bed covers. I looked up and didn't feel disconnected from the world at all and came back to the surface. I then tried to let all emotions run through me and just be and experience. At this moment the shrooms began messing with me and threw me out of the trip. It was the strangest thing because I felt like I hadn't taken any. Suddenly I was thrown back into the trip and my 'just be'' philosophy was forgotton as the naughty mushroom I thought I was possessed by was messing with my ability to control the trip. 

The next phase became a bit more scary. I began to panic as I thought I had overdosed. I started hearing paramedics outside my hotel room which sounded like they were trying to get in. I ran to the door and opened it and no one was there. I then started searching on my phone about magic truffles and I saw a big red screen which i imagined said ''We are the paramedics trying to get to you'' - I seemed to think there was an ambulance inside my phone trying to get to me. I ran into the bathroom and envisioned repeatidly smashing my face into the sink. I could feel the blood gushing down my face and see my teeth smashed as I stared into the mirror. 

I then could hear my friends thoughts. He said things like ''Help, he just tried to kill himself'' - at this point I knew I had taken too many magic truffles. My friend was having an extremely bad time as well as both of us were convinced we were about to die. Then my reality seemed to break down into three as I found it difficult to trust these realities. The first reality was simply the magic truffles had taken a hold of us, the second was my friend was trying to kill me and the third was we had overdosed and needed urgent medical assistance. 

Suddenly 2 hours went by and I cannot remember much of it. My friend told me I tried to eat a mars bar to save myself from the trip but It had been unsuccessful. The day suddenly went dark and I had no recollection of what happened. Slowly, after about 6 hours my friend started to come out of the trip. He tried to get me to remember who I was and picked up fragments of why we were there. I tried to follow him and it only slowly started to come back as I was stitching my reality back together again. As I was coming out of the trip and could feel more coherent I began babbling some spiritual insights that seemed to not come from me

''I am the centre of the universe that powers it. Nothing exists outside of me.

''I am eternity and nothing at all''

''I truly exist inbetween thoughts''

''I am everything that I don't have''

At this point I started to come out of the trip suddenly. My friend broke down in tears as I just realised I had the most profound experience. My friend swore to never do psychedelics again as I realised that my journey had just begun. As a conclusion to anyone wondering I never hurt myself on the sink and I had just visualised it but it never happened. 

My goals now are to get even deeper into my own spirituality, psychology, philosophies and experimentation of psychedelics and experiences. Even though I had a bad trip, it did not feel like a bad trip? I just see it as 'it just is' rather than trying to apply a label to it. Everything is beneficial which expands experience and self-awareness.

 

 

 

Edited October 29, 2019 by Brainsports
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[Leo Gura]

Lol, noobs and psychedelics.

Sigh...

[Cocolove]

That sounds dangerous!