To those people who never get offended or take things personally...

[EvilAngel]

I want to know what your secret is. Are some people just predisposed to being more easy going? 

I can be way too sensitive sometimes, and it's something that I hate about myself, but I can't seem to change. 

[TheAvatarState]

5 minutes ago, EvilAngel said:

it's something that I hate about myself, but I can't seem to change. 

To hate is to perpetuate. 

[EvilAngel]

@TheAvatarState so you're suggesting that I accept the fact that I take things personally? 

[TheAvatarState]

36 minutes ago, EvilAngel said:

@TheAvatarState so you're suggesting that I accept the fact that I take things personally? 

I'm simply saying that hating aspects of yourself perpetuate them. You can't begin the process of growth until you accept that part of yourself. 

This is how it works. Because you hate that you take things personally, you're inclined to adopt a victim mentality. This becomes something you were born with, like a bad hand dealt to you (this is the story you concocted because you can't accept it). You want to know other people's "secret." See, this is the perfect scapegoat for the ego since you focus outwards and not inwards. Growth cannot arise from this position, precisely because you've forfeited your power to change it. 

The first step is realizing that taking things personally isn't a "bad" thing. It's a sign that you're human, and that you can learn and admit mistakes. It's very normal to take things to heart, often a little too much. Once you accept this, the aim isn't to erase this human part of you. It's to maturely handle you reactions and emotions. This can only come about through understanding yourself and compassion for others. It will take some effort, but this is definitely something you can improve.

[Shadowraix]

Awareness. I recognize how I feel, take a breathe and let it go. You have to be honest with yourself about what your ego is doing. 

[DrewNows]

@TheAvatarState well said, it’s like upgrading one’s radar 

[Bill W]

To those people who never get offended or take things personally...

If the emphasis is on never, then don't be too hard on yourself with the comparison. I'd imagine in terms of people who never get offended or take things personally, I bet this doesn't apply to anything above 0.1% of the adult population. Probably less than that even. 

To not take things personally or get offended makes you Elite. Special Forces level of self-development. 

I'm just trying as hard as I can to get better at this, but boy, do many of us like holding onto our resentments and sensitivities. I think it was Wayne Dyer who said that we often end up walking around just waiting to be offended. Looking for it. Searching for it. 

Whenever I see something in life, on YouTube or sometimes on forums, when someone would normally act offended in that given scenario and they don't.... I think "I wanna be that guy". I admire this trait and skill so much. To transcend being offended. To transcend taking things personally. That's a one way to ticket to serenity. 

[Elham]

Is it good to not get offended at all??? 

[Bill W]

9 minutes ago, Elham said:

Is it good to not get offended at all??? 

Great question! 

I would say yes as my answer.

 

[Pernani]

The do nothing meditation technique reaallyyy helps me, you're just way more chill and aware over all. But also understanding why dicks are dicks and therefore feeling compassion for them is helpful

[DrewNows]

when we are afraid to offend others, we will also judge others...It always comes back to us and do judge our own judgements doesn't help with transcending them. I think it's the holistic psychologist on instagram/youtube that says when we get triggered it's a trauma arising from the past where we failed to express our emotions (we didn't show up for ourselves) and this can be seen as another opportunity to grow and gain a piece of ourselves back we have perceived to be lacking (shadow-side) 

self observation turns into situational observation (unattached-attachment )

[Elham]

@Bill W I don't get offended at all... although I am really I peace, it has some problems 

[seeking_brilliance]

I think the goal for now should be to have relaxed reactions, rather than no reactions, and to learn to observe the reactions with out judgement, and let them  go as quickly as they go

[FourSeasons]

@seeking_brilliance relaxed actions, especially when you get ofended (your ego) its Hard to take it easy. 

At this moment at my life, i really need this, and i think first rule of it is to dont react to anything but just listen and observe it. It minds, it creates crazy things.

I am at oath right now, where I have to make a change because it destroys me, my personal life, my carrier path and my marriage. 

So i am seriously will observe more and wish for you too, who strugles at this. 

And also waiting for Any other advice i could take, to apply it in my life and make it the best. 

[DrewNows]

14 minutes ago, FourSeasons said:

And also waiting for Any other advice i could take, to apply it in my life and make it the best. 

you're sweet, i'd just like to say trust yourself and your feelings...if you can, pay attention to your needs, it will make this self observation journey more pleasant. Also when we are creating healthy boundaries for ourselves it's going to feel wrong if it's not what we are expected to do (sometimes it's giving someone else the space they need even if it's not what they claim to want). I recommend the holistic psychologist on instagram/youtube: https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/?hl=en

 

Edited October 29, 2019 by DrewNows

[MAYA EL]

7 hours ago, EvilAngel said:

I want to know what your secret is. Are some people just predisposed to being more easy going? 

I can be way too sensitive sometimes, and it's something that I hate about myself, but I can't seem to change. 

 

 

Integrity and understanding I think are two very important things. The understanding that people are going to be different than you and just like you hold your ground they will hold they're grounded also and not to expect them to change especially if you wouldn't and that your opinion is no better than theirs.

 

 

And personal integrity to wear regardless of what somebody says towards you or towards somebody else you are not worried about your own personal integrity you are going to be who you are regardless of if there's no one left on the planet or There's 7 billion people on the planet because who you are is not swayed by other people therefore you're not worried by somebody attacking your epistemology or something along those lines.

Just my two cents

Edited October 30, 2019 by MAYA EL

[Soulbass]

it's when people ignore me, that i get offended or take things personally.

a recently came across this theory : "i grew up as a kid, feeling like if i was an accessory to my parents"

everything you can say is fine, as long as i exist for you

[FourSeasons]

@DrewNows ohh thank you so much! You really brightened my day with thjs. I really needed it. Some inspiration and some boundaries to set. 

I have been working with myself long time, even been going to psychotherapist for few months to make my life better. Because i started be so unhappy, so sad, so dissapointed. 

At this particular moment i know i have make changes especially about perspectives to others. 

I used to be quite annoying to my husband, point out what he is doing wrong, always unhappy and waiting to teach him a lesson. And it got worse. Since i understand its not his problem, but actually Mine and if i wanna have stable life with myself, husband and all the world i have to let go my beliefs and accept life the way it is. But sometimes it scares the shit out of me, because of our dear friend ego. 

If you guys have more insights, please share i really came here for some help..

[Commodent]

13 hours ago, DrewNows said:

when we are afraid to offend others, we will also judge others...It always comes back to us and do judge our own judgements doesn't help with transcending them. I think it's the holistic psychologist on instagram/youtube that says when we get triggered it's a trauma arising from the past where we failed to express our emotions (we didn't show up for ourselves) and this can be seen as another opportunity to grow and gain a piece of ourselves back we have perceived to be lacking (shadow-side) 

self observation turns into situational observation (unattached-attachment )

Reminds me of something that was said in an audiobook I'm currently listening to, "The Power of Vulnerability" by Brené Brown:

"We know why we judge. We have pretty good data that speaks to why we judge. Here is why and how we judge: We always judge in areas where we are vulnerable to shame, and then we always pick people who are doing worse than we are doing."

[lukej]

As someone who was bullied. Called words like "fa*****" and so on. Eventually, you become numb to it. You will see that it is not about you. It is really about the other person. How they see you. How you are not meeting their needs. How you are not reinforcing their worldview. Or how you are actually scaring them. 

Once you see someone who is so upset at you and you see that they are just afraid you will have compassion for them. No matter what they do or so. 

"it's okay. Take what you need. Make me bleed. You're just afraid. "

I'm not advocating being in an abusive relationship or anything. Take care of yourself. Stand up for yourself. But you don't have to get wrapped up in it.