Generally I’m happy, but the desire for women makes me unhappy.

[Nickyy]

1 minute ago, Key Elements said:

@Nickyy I think everyone has the right to their own opinions. Calling out someone as enlightened or not is judging. Btw, you're off topic.

I never said you're not entitled to your opinion.

You like to bastardize words to suit your preferences. 

It's not a judgement that you're not enlightened, it's a fact. 

 

[Key Elements]

@Nickyy you're off topic. We are trying to help someone with dating and all that. This is not the topic of whether or not you think I'm enlightened.

I never asked anyone whether or not they think I'm enlightened. Does it help in one's journey to ask such a question? Of course not. Being obsessed with enlightenment is not enlightenment. Going around and diagnosing ppl (whether they're enlightened or not or self-actualized or not) is not enlightenment. I don't go around in real life doing this too. If I do this, what's the difference between me and a stage blue or red missionary/cult. Nothing. Just drop the obsession and stay on topic.

[XYZ]

Yes, it's the attachment to sexual desire that causes suffering, not that the desire exists.

There's no one right way to go about it, to change yourself to get the sex/relationships you want, or to change yourself to be just as happy without that. But in the end you come to realize that desire is empty, it cannot ever be satiated. No matter how much sex you have, intimacy you experience, or how much porn you jerk off to, it will never be enough, you will always want more, there is no end.

Forget all the talk about becoming desire-less or enlightened, you can't will yourself to become those things directly. All you need to do is take a step back and observe the body, it's thoughts, feelings, sensations, without identifying with them. But without falling into the trap of denying or repressing, or disowning your animal self, the key is to become acutely aware of that aspect of your being and how it tries to convince itself that it's entirely what you are.

[Buba]

11 hours ago, Mikael89 said:

No I don't think I have said that.

I took antidepressants for a short period of time before I found this forum.

Why are everyone talking about sex sex sex... For me it's more than sex. For me it's mainly about having a love relationship, having a connection, being a couple, you know, not just sex, jeez.

Sorry Mikael, I confused you with someone else. My bad.

[JoshuaBell]

Sounds like you know what you want to do. No need to wallow about it. Either do it or you don’t. If you want to talk to the girl, grow a pair and talk to her. 

What’s the worst that can happen? Well she could turn into the Incredible She-Hulk and Hulk smash you across the room (nonsexually). She could throw a weight and crush your head with it. She could barf on you and run away. 

These are all possibilities, but the most common outcomes are her either rejecting you or you having a great conversation and hitting it off.. leading to dates.. leading to sex.. maybe even a relationship!

I hope you enjoyed this read. Good luck out there! 

[Key Elements]

14 hours ago, Mikael89 said:

 For me it's more than sex. For me it's mainly about having a love relationship, having a connection, being a couple, you know, not just sex.

You're doing really well here when you said this. Healthy boundaries--that's what it is. When you do find that gal, of course, love her but don't get attached. There's a difference. Relationships are commitments. And, don't forget to work on other areas of your life--great career, great life purpose, health/mental health, etc. All these things contribute to attractiveness. Of course it's not just about sex.

When you work on other areas of your life, you will be becoming more social because you'll run into ppl and get to know them in general. I also don't see the point of approaching 100-400 gals off the streets when that time could be used in other areas of your life.