Life purpose and identity

[Pernani]

My identity 3 years ago is not my identity today, and it keeps changing, so in a sense I've already died many times. Does my life purpose have to keep up with my identity? Is that what an authentic life purpose means? Or is there something deeper to it? 

I know some of you might find this question silly and all, but I still wanna hear what you have to say. 

[Knock]

• Identity is based on self-perception and boundaries, which are predicated on values. 
• As you grow, your values will change, and so to will your desires
• Authenticity is living aligned with your highest values.
• Hence it is imperative that your life purpose is aligned with good values and not shitty values. Good values that are internally predicated and stand the test of time are called principles. (Steven Covey talks a lot about this).

[Pernani]

15 minutes ago, Knock said:

• Identity is based on self-perception and boundaries, which are predicated on values. 
• As you grow, your values will change, and so to will your desires
• Authenticity is living aligned with your highest values.
• Hence it is imperative that your life purpose is aligned with good values and not shitty values. Good values that are internally predicated and stand the test of time are called principles. (Steven Covey talks a lot about this).

Highest values as in the values that are most authentic to you, aka the most meaningful, aka the ones you identify the most with, right?

If these values are related to identity then they are subject to constant change, even if we call them authentic, they're only authentic for a short period of time (which means they're not really all that authentic to begin with). So what do u mean by "standing the test of time" ? 

[Knock]

Yes, authenticity is not static. It is forever changing, as you change. When someone is having an identity or life crisis, and they go to "find themselves", what they are doing is going to finding new values.

Principles are values that stand the test of time. You will want to align your values with principles. This will become self-evident in a minute. Let me explain.
Good values are composed of the following 3 categories:

1. They are evidence-based
2. They are constructive
3. They are controllable

This is opposed to shitty values, which are:

1. Emotion based
2. Destructive
3. Uncontrollable

Now, in both examples, the first 2 points are quite self-evident and don't necessitate explaining. The last category however, is one that most people don't know the full extent of. The values that are controllable can only come from within, and are not external to you. That is, they are process and mindset based, not results or goal orientated. Here are a few examples of values to illustrate:

• Getting a six-pack abs = shitty value (results based)
• Taking 100% resonsibility = Good value (process/mindset based)
• Making a million dollars = shitty value (results based)
• Showing up and putting in the hours = Good value (process based)
• Wanting everyone to like you = shitty value (externally based)
• Loving yourself regardless of others opinions = Good value

Now, there isn't anything wrong with desiring external things, but that should not be the basis for your happiness or fulfilment. The very act (the process) of working towards your goals is what is fulfilling, not the result. This is why short-cuts to success make one feel empty. It is not the fame, status or money that people want. It is the fulfilment of working towards something meaningful. 

That is why it is so very important that your chose right values. If you are doing your life purpose so that you can be admired by others, then your life purpose sucks, because 99% of the time you be feeling deficient. If instead it is based on taking responsibility and working with integrity, everyday you can be a success. Hence responsibility and integrity are good principles to live by. These values are immovable and stand the test of time. 

[Pernani]

4 hours ago, Knock said:

Yes, authenticity is not static. It is forever changing, as you change. When someone is having an identity or life crisis, and they go to "find themselves", what they are doing is going to finding new values.

Principles are values that stand the test of time. You will want to align your values with principles. This will become self-evident in a minute. Let me explain.
Good values are composed of the following 3 categories:

1. They are evidence-based
2. They are constructive
3. They are controllable

This is opposed to shitty values, which are:

1. Emotion based
2. Destructive
3. Uncontrollable

Now, in both examples, the first 2 points are quite self-evident and don't necessitate explaining. The last category however, is one that most people don't know the full extent of. The values that are controllable can only come from within, and are not external to you. That is, they are process and mindset based, not results or goal orientated. Here are a few examples of values to illustrate:

• Getting a six-pack abs = shitty value (results based)
• Taking 100% resonsibility = Good value (process/mindset based)
• Making a million dollars = shitty value (results based)
• Showing up and putting in the hours = Good value (process based)
• Wanting everyone to like you = shitty value (externally based)
• Loving yourself regardless of others opinions = Good value

Now, there isn't anything wrong with desiring external things, but that should not be the basis for your happiness or fulfilment. The very act (the process) of working towards your goals is what is fulfilling, not the result. This is why short-cuts to success make one feel empty. It is not the fame, status or money that people want. It is the fulfilment of working towards something meaningful. 

That is why it is so very important that your chose right values. If you are doing your life purpose so that you can be admired by others, then your life purpose sucks, because 99% of the time you be feeling deficient. If instead it is based on taking responsibility and working with integrity, everyday you can be a success. Hence responsibility and integrity are good principles to live by. These values are immovable and stand the test of time. 

Thanks for the very elaborate reply. You said that the act (the process) of working towards your goals and what is meaningful to you is what is fulfilling, not the result. Can you verify this in your experience? How fulfilled are you feeling in the process of doing that? Because honestly even though I'm working towards things that are important to me I am not feeling this fulfillment that you speak of, not when i'm not seeing results

[Knock]

@Pernani

Yes, I can verify this in my experience, however there is no way I can prove this to you, but I will try and illustrate it in words.

You are not feeling fulfilled because you care too much about the results. You think the results or goals will make you happy, but I am here to burst your bubble. It won't. The exuberance of reaching a goal fades quickly. Hedonic adaptation happens. You become complacent and take it for granted. You may feel joy/excitment/relief when you get what you want, but not fulfilment.

This may be hard to believe, because it is counter what today's society teaches you. But if you look back at the most fulfilling times in your life, you may get a glimpse of what I am saying. It's a mindset shift, and a very hard one at that. 

That's not to say that goals are bad. In fact you need those little dopamine hits of mini external success as positive reinforcement. But the fulfilment happens prior to this joy. When you are living your highest values and doing good in the world, you don't need anyone to pat you on the back. The very process of doing such is inherently fulfilling. 

Look back at your most fulfilling times in your life. Was it from the moment you obtained the trophies, or was it from the journey?

What makes you think this time when I reach my goal I will be happy? What will you do afterwards? Will you still be happy 1 month after you achieve your goal? Or would you be happy again only once you start working on a new meaningful process?

[Pernani]

2 hours ago, Knock said:

@Pernani

Yes, I can verify this in my experience, however there is no way I can prove this to you, but I will try and illustrate it in words.

You are not feeling fulfilled because you care too much about the results. You think the results or goals will make you happy, but I am here to burst your bubble. It won't. The exuberance of reaching a goal fades quickly. Hedonic adaptation happens. You become complacent and take it for granted. You may feel joy/excitment/relief when you get what you want, but not fulfilment.

This may be hard to believe, because it is counter what today's society teaches you. But if you look back at the most fulfilling times in your life, you may get a glimpse of what I am saying. It's a mindset shift, and a very hard one at that. 

That's not to say that goals are bad. In fact you need those little dopamine hits of mini external success as positive reinforcement. But the fulfilment happens prior to this joy. When you are living your highest values and doing good in the world, you don't need anyone to pat you on the back. The very process of doing such is inherently fulfilling. 

Look back at your most fulfilling times in your life. Was it from the moment you obtained the trophies, or was it from the journey?

What makes you think this time when I reach my goal I will be happy? What will you do afterwards? Will you still be happy 1 month after you achieve your goal? Or would you be happy again only once you start working on a new meaningful process?

Don't get me wrong, my goals aren't really external, they're mainly internal and about making permanent shifts in my whole being. I even think I'm not focusing as much as I should on the external, but I get what you mean, I appreciate quality advice with heart behind it. Thanks a lot man <3

[Pernani]

I'm still not sure if there's something deeper to life purpose beyond it being based on identity

[Codrina]

It has to be based on identity. The fact that you are a life form is based on identity. It is infnate consciousness identifying with a finite form. I am questioning my life purpose often. On the one hand I think I can choose what to identify with, because I learned much about the nature of reality, and at the same time I think who am I to choose? I chose THIS FORM for a reason. Is it not the form that has a purpose? We all talk about life purpose as something constructive. There is a lot of distruction in the world. And we all agree it has it's purpose, otherwise there wouldn't be any. How do you decide you have a noble purpose and not a destructive one? Can your ego trick you into believing you should be a good, honest, helpful human being when you were actually borned to be an ass?