What to do when meditation does nothing but stir up negativity?

[lmfao]

It feels as though my meditative states are far too different from my normal states of conciousness that I get massive ego backblash during any meditation session. Depressive feelings, yucky feelings. 

Whenever i meditate, im usually quick to zoom into the bottom of my experience as much as I can. And when a small glimpse of no self kicks in, my mind goes crazy in reacting to the state. Does anyone else here have similar issues? That their meditative and ordinary states are just far too different? Or that they realise too much too quickly? 

To preface, ive probably meditated an average of 1.5 times a week for the past 1-2 months. 

Edited October 28, 2019 by lmfao

[cetus]

You are purging the negative thoughts and emotions that are latent in the subconscious. Meditation is allowing them to come to the surface of awareness were they can be released.

[StarStruck]

30 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

You are purging the negative thoughts and emotions that are latent in the subconscious. Meditation is allowing them to come to the surface of awareness were they can be released.

Exactly. That is the point of meditation; becoming more conscious. 
 

First step is becoming conscious. Second step is treating the emotional wound. Third step is recovery process. 

[inFlow]

@lmfao Try to stay on it. Sometimes feeling like shit is just the part of the process. Eventually you will shed off that negativity in the end and just be Positive with a capital P. But if you can't handle it anymore take some rest.

[Nahm]

Take “no self” out of your thinking, and pop in “no mind”. Then, you see the change in the path is letting thoughts go, rather than trying to realize anything, or “become” a “no self”. Likewise, everything that is ‘stirred up’ - let it go. The understanding follows, because understanding is itself, being. Understanding is the no self, the no mind. That’s why it feels so amazing. Meditation is the stark opposite of doing something, or trying to realize something. 

Also, if you don’t have a dream board going, front and center of your living space and life, then you should stop and ask yourself, why am I doing any of this? Why would I let go? Why would I inspect how I feel, uncondition myself, etc? What’s the point? For now, I’d suggest the “point” is to live the most amazing life possible. To dream the impossible, and then actually live it. 

You might think of it like wanting to see Jupiter, and buying a telescope. It’s not enough to just buy it, set down, and look. There is a tedious process of adjusting, of zooming in & out, which creates breadth and focus. This process takes you to the point of...’you know what - fuck this...there’s no way anyone could ever.....“ and boom! There’s Jupiter. 

[DoubleYou]

5 hours ago, lmfao said:

It feels as though my meditative states are far too different from my normal states of conciousness that I get massive ego backblash during any meditation session. Depressive feelings, yucky feelings. 

Whenever i meditate, im usually quick to zoom into the bottom of my experience as much as I can. And when a small glimpse of no self kicks in, my mind goes crazy in reacting to the state. Does anyone else here have similar issues? That their meditative and ordinary states are just far too different? Or that they realise too much too quickly? 

To preface, ive probably meditated an average of 1.5 times a week for the past 1-2 months. 

Become aware that there's no such thing as "depressive, yucky feelings." All feelings are neutral. "Depressive and yucky" is how your ego has labeled them. This doesn't mean that these feelings aren't intense or overwhelming. But more and more try to open to the possibility of accepting them as is. That's where transformation happens.

When a small glimpse of no-self kicks in, the only thing that's happening right now is you resisting that which arises. In this case, these so called depressive feelings. So the only way to get comfortable in no-self, is to get comfortable in silence. The more you do, the more you start to trust it, because you become conscious of the fact that there's nothing there to be feared. And in time, this will accelerate the healing.

This fear arises simply because you don't know what will happen when you let go. If you knew, you wouldn't fear it. So make it your goal to find out, to learn to trust it.

[Consilience]

Very similar experiences lately. Ive only been seriously meditating for two years now but one consistent theme is that the sessions oscillate towards feelings of freedom, peace, love, joy, etc. and then feelings of depression, lust, laziness, apathy, etc. It makes me feel bipolar sometimes, but... overall the trend line has been a positive direction. Anytime the negative stuff keeps piling on, I just have to acknowledge it’s not existentially me, and keep going. Just keep going. That’s part of the process of meditation Ive realized, is that this negative shit is literally being purged out of the mind. Eventually the ego will exhaust itself and conscious will continue its expansion. The worst thing to do in these situations is stop imo. Even if you need to lower your session time, very rarely would it be worth completely stopping imo.