Meditation Report- Losing Interest In a Lot of Things

[emind]

So I've been meditating very consistently for the past two months and a half. An hour every single day, mostly alternating between focusing on my breath and "Do Nothing". Some really strange things have started to happen, and although I think they're good, it's kind of confusing.

These are the changes I've been noticing:

•  No sex drive whatsoever: I used to be addicted to fapping, all I would think about was sex. I used to masturbate around twice a day on average. Since at least the past month and a half, I have had no sexual cravings whatsoever, I don't feel motivated at all to pursue sex, and the times I have masturbated (like 3 times in the past 50 days) have been merely to "remember" how it felt, and it felt kind of forced to do it when I didn't feel like it... I know it sounds really weird.
•  I've started noticing how messed up the people whose attention and validation I  so much craved before really are. I used to be so invested into going out, hanging out with "cool people", meeting girls and hooking up, etc. Now I see how screwed up and unhappy many of those people are behind the shining facade of superficial happiness. I still care about my appearance and how other people perceive me, but my concern for this has decreased very noticeably.
•  This point relates to unhappiness more broadly. I have come to look at the world through this very bleak outlook. Noticing how unsatisfied and miserable people are in every facet of life. Disconnected from their jobs and what they do, unable to sustain even unconscious relationships, living paycheck to paycheck, needing someone to "complete them", being carried away by advertisements, meaningless fads, and trivial trends like a leaf in the wind, having corporations dictate their interests (e.g. "OMG did you look at the new Iphone?!" "Did you watch the new movie that came out? It was awesome!") etc...
• Feeling at times so inspired by life that tears are almost dripping down my face, and also, at other times, hopeless at the utter meaningless of existence.
• As arrogant as this may sound, I say it with complete honesty- I've just started noticing how low the lowest common denominator really is. How mediocre the average person is, how much failure is the norm. And deep inside myself, I've noticed a fear of becoming this way, and a growing negative motivation to work hard to not end up divorced, overweight, with an alienating job, etc.
• Feeling very lonely, like no one really gets me or shares my vision for life.

Things that haven't changed

• My Neuroticism has pretty much remained the same. Although I have episodes of satisfying emotional stillness and bliss more frequently, I am still pretty anxious and stressed a lot of the time, and I still get triggered by pretty much the same things.
• I haven't lost ambition in the least. It just seems to be that the objects towards which I channel my ambition have changed. I contemplate with more frequency the impact I want to have on the world,  unprecedented and extended discipline in fitness and nutrition,  contemplation on my life purpose, etc.

 

So my question is, are these things normal? Are these feelings and shifts of attitudes a sign that Im on the right path, or mere delusions and rationalizations?

 

 

[zeroISinfinity]

Yes. You are at good place to be. No worries. 

It is hard to Light up the candle

It is easy to curse the dark

Keep with practises. ♥️

[Fede83]

I can relate with ur problems, the spectrum u describe as negative and unpleasant it actually what can make you expand ur consciousness to the next level.

stay with the vibe ! Enjoy ur pain,for that suffering u gonna reborn different.

 

 

Edited October 26, 2019 by Fede83