Getting over a 10 years old heartache still infrequently causing sadness

[Curious]

Hi all,

So sometimes (maybe once or twice a year) I have memories from this hard time popping back up for a few days, like now, via dreams mostly.

This heartache was a rejection back in my mid-teens (not the first one then but certainly the hardest), so the hormones were high !

The girl was the first one I really be-friended, and so the rejection was the hardest.

Until then, nothing anormal. But I have had two long term relationships and it has been 10 years since then. And it still keeps coming back !

I do not know what I am supposed to do with that. I think I listen to these hard feelings that come back from that time, so what am I doing wrong then ?

Am I a freak or do some of you experience or experienced this ?

Any advice ?

Thanks for reading

Edited October 27, 2019 by Curious

[Hello from Russia]

Do some shadow work, bro

[mandyjw]

The same thing happened to me, I was 15 at the time and there were other strange family dynamics involved with the rejection. A couple years later my sister met him and had a conversation with him and he told her that he didn't remember me which as you can imagine really added fuel to the fire of my feeling rejected and completely threw off my sense of reality entirely. I tried not to think of him but I would dream of him. A bunch of shadow work happened to me leading up to an awakening/no-self experience this past spring and that storyline was a big piece of it. The way it happened was that I saw the truth that my life story was a fiction just as much as my favorite childhood stories were true. I saw how the traumatic situation helped me to have certain realizations and pointed my life in the direction it needed to go. It was as if my whole life "flashed" before my eyes and I understood why that is a saying or a thing people say happens before you die. I saw him as a perfect character in the story without the personal viewpoint which was what was creating the trauma. Later I ended up sending him a message on Facebook forgiving the whole situation. I don't think that making contact is necessary for everyone but you will know. 

Edited October 25, 2019 by mandyjw

[Curious]

@mandyjw Thank you for sharing your story.

Sometimes i have these empty awareness experience, without identifying much to my mind's self-story.

It is almost like being the guardian angel of the particular body-mind one is assigned to.

And while in those high awareness states, sometimes this particular pain comes back.

Oh man, how hard it was... Being 3 years in the same classroom after being rejected was quite a thing.

Maybe more time is needed still for it to disolve.

[universe]

I have a similar backstory.

What I can recommend is see what the situation made you feel. Go back to that very moment she rejected you and welcome all the feelings that come up. What did it made you feel. Maybe it made you feel unloved, unworthy or something like that. Can you accept that feeling? Do that for a couple of minutes and then visualize a change, let love and worthiness wash all through your body. You made a choice back than to feel that. You dont need that (love, validation... ) from anyone as you can give yourself all the love you want! Make a choice today to give it to you. Its just a choice really. Look up the Sedona Method. Maybe find an experienced mental coach in your area who goes with you through this process.

[Curious]

@universe Thank you for your advice !

I was re-visualizing this moment and the feeling that came up was quite physical:

A subtle achy pain in my chest area, front (around the sternum) and back (around the spine). It felt like something was kinda blocked there.

I tried to understand this feeling, and pardon the cheesiness but I think it was the love for her that I felt, and which I couldn't express after the rejection, that kinda staid stuck in there. After the rejection, we were not even saying hi to each other while we were in the same class everyday for 3 years (which is also my bad because I chose not to stay friends after).

So before falling asleep, I tried to visualize kinda "sending" her this old love I felt wherever she is to get it out of my system. Waking up this morning the chest/back area felt better.

But then again I might be totally misinterpreting this and it could just be normal back pain feeling better after the night laying in bed

[Cocolove]

Definitely means you have some trauma. Shadow work. for sure. trust me when that's gone you will be so diffferent 

[Curious]

@Cocolove @Hello from Russia Thanks for your advice

Forgive my ignorance but what exactly is shadow work ? Like what are the practices ?

Is there already a "shadow work how to" video ?

[Cocolove]

Shadow dance is a great book, full of practices. Plenty on youtube, but none from Leo.

This girl comes on this forum.

[Curious]

@Cocolove Thanks ! A very good video indeed @Emerald !

So, in that context, would my shadow aspect be the part of me wanting that person, which was obviously repressed after the rejection ?

And in that context, just being aware of it (like what happened over the years) will gradually let it go ?

Edited November 1, 2019 by Curious