First online date from ok cupid, feeling weird... (sexual stuff)

[Aquarius]

Hey, so I met a guy from okcupid who lives in a nearby city. He was a bit depressed and anxious but I guess it was ok.

First time meeting an internet friend. Barely knew him for 5 days. 

So we like chatted and sent selfies, then I was like you know what if you were here I'd do something with you (obv joking), and apparently it turned him on cause he said he has a car, and I was  like

"Cool, come over!"

And in 2 hours he was here!!!!!

And I showed him my town cause he's never been around.

Then he rented an expensive hotel room for a night, He only stayed a few hours tho...

And I took a shower cause I was working out all day and smelling like a skunk, was realising it turned him off but like whatever.

Came out from the shower, dressed up in front of him and cuddled him

He started weirdly massaging me like really aggressively and almost choking me, I was like

Woahhhh slow down m8.....

Apperently then the spark was gone.

Did blowjob, sex.

He got a headache.

I was cheering him up and took him in nature, in forest.

He looked very depressed, he had the saddest eyes I've seen.

He drove back to his town and I was talking to him, he admitted I am really cool and amazing, kinda felt bad for using an innocent young girl like me.

There was no emotional connection. Cold, dry, aggressive sexual encounter.

 

I'm not this type of girl so later at night after taking my sleeping pills I felt guilty..... I felt very empty inside and abused in a sense. Not too much but yeah.

Wished him good night on Facebook.

Today he didn't hmu.

Mad. Bad. Sad.

 

At least had sex soo.,?

Ok so I feel bad help me guys I'm not into this stuff..  

What should I doooo

 

[Leo Gura]

@Aquarius Go slower next time. Obviously lots of guys online will only want to use you for sex and never see you again. You gotta test the waters more before you dive in. Get to know his intentions and his character.

Careful. Lots of creepy fucks online. Don't just randomly sleep with them.

A depressed/anxious dude on a first date is clearly a red flag. He should be happy and excited.

[ajasatya]

@Aquarius Whoa, sounds like you really don't know what you are doing.

Why are you even touching online dating domains? They're full of sick people.

Get out of the mud, girl! You can do it.

[Leo Gura]

38 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

Why are you even touching online dating domains? They're full of sick people.

My brother found himself a wife on OkCupid. They have been happily married for several years.

So don't poo-poo online dating per se. It does work. You just gotta be careful (as with offline dating).

[mandyjw]

First of all, take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Do things to uplift your spirit. 

Then put some thought into how you want a real future relationship, encounter or partner to be. Write it down, dream it out. 

Realize that many girls tend to want to give, and give, and give, and give and give and give, and derive pleasure from making other people happy. You did not put your needs first and you did not consider your needs before the entire encounter started. 

Not sending the selfie, not giving men the physical encounter they want forces them to go into their emotions. It also weeds out the vast majority of men. Women don't "hold out" because they think it will make men want them more, they hold out because they want to see what the man is actually made of.

Otherwise more often than not you become an outlet for pent up emotions and desire and repressions. You are worth much more than that, that's why you feel bad but hey, now you know more clearly what you want. 

[ajasatya]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

You just gotta be careful (as with offline dating)

Not quite "as with". You gotta be 10 times extra careful.

[GGG]

@Aquarius I am curious - what was it about the guy that made you decide to meet him IRL? Did you have other options to choose from?

[Wisebaxter]

14 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@Aquarius Whoa, sounds like you really don't know what you are doing.

Why are you even touching online dating domains? They're full of sick people.

Get out of the mud, girl! You can do it.

@ajasatya My experience is different. I've met both of my last two girlfriends on dating apps and they've been amazing people. I met my current girlfriend on an app and we're so well suited, both into spirituality. She even watches Leo! 

OK Cupid isn't the best one, admittedly. Some are better than others and have less of the riff raff on there. I love Bumble, if you can get that where you are. 

Do what Leo said, take it easy, use your intuition. It sounds like you did want sex, but then you ended up feeling guilty and used. Perhaps you should be looking for a casual partner then, but ones that's a bit more up together and fun to be around. 

Edited October 26, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[lostmedstudent]

@ajasatya agreed.

met my fb through tinder. It works but you just have to be smart and clear about what you want . 
 

[Aquarius]

On 10/25/2019 at 1:01 PM, Leo Gura said:

@Aquarius Go slower next time. Obviously lots of guys online will only want to use you for sex and never see you again. You gotta test the waters more before you dive in. Get to know his intentions and his character.

Careful. Lots of creepy fucks online. Don't just randomly sleep with them.

A depressed/anxious dude on a first date is clearly a red flag. He should be happy and excited.

Aww thanks Leo, you're a sweetheart!  

Yes it was weird... Honestly I made it clear on Facebook that I only want cuddle

But in the hotel room he was asserting: I came here with an intention you know

Woah...

He, like, told me that his friends have fun and he feels lonely and only plays videogames, and he looked at me while we were walking and he said that in 30 years he had so much shit.

Also, he's a weed addict. Another red flag?

We shared a non-weed cigarette, plain menthol Kent. Was nice.

Honestly I felt like he was about to cry any second. Gosh....

I don't randomly sleep with people........ It's my first date. I didn't know what's ok  and what's not. So yeah test the waters they say... it will be fun they say... ugh.

Obviously have to know them better. Kinda felt he was this way. Idk why I still wanted to meet him. Too bad he has anxiety n depression.

On phone when i don't have to see his face he is pretty talkative...

Another red flag.. no touch and no kiss.

Didn't even want to have normal sex.. just hit it from the back. So that he would have no eye contact wtff

Edited October 26, 2019 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

On 10/25/2019 at 1:24 PM, ajasatya said:

@Aquarius Whoa, sounds like you really don't know what you are doing.

Why are you even touching online dating domains? They're full of sick people.

Get out of the mud, girl! You can do it.

Hello Ajasatya.

I had a boyfriend for two weeks. I met him in the nearby park.

It's true, they are warmer if they are local and they don't use you like that since here everyone knows everyone. Small town life heh...

He broke up with me excusing that I'm a child and I have no common sense and culture... Which is true!  No resentments it was fiiine.

 

So I wanted to date and this guy was kind and pretty chill. He wanted to do fun stuff I was like cool..

But his energy.. yuck!

First he was excited and even smiled but felt guilty and awkward after hotel room sex.

I actually got angry looks from locals and a guy told me when on the way home "won't u gimme ur ass to me too?" ... lmao how'd he known i had someone that day.??

I only had 1 bf I had sex with. Thought some good sex would help me relax after all this hospital drama back in the summer. It just made me depressed and detached.

But he had erectyle dysfunction or whatever cause it don't even last 30 seconds ugh.

Didn't even want to see my eyes, like avoiding eye conact heavily.

No emotional connection.

We both ruined this lol......

[Aquarius]

On 10/25/2019 at 2:01 PM, Leo Gura said:

My brother found himself a wife on OkCupid. They have been happily married for several years.

So don't poo-poo online dating per se. It does work. You just gotta be careful (as with offline dating).

True. Knowing each other 1 month prior. Videochat daily, serious flirting. I know the deal.  

Once I met a cool guy and we connected well. We still talk and send memes. Good times.... sad he lives too far away. Moving in bigger town tho. Tomorrow. Not sure if I'll be online but will check back to journal.......

[Aquarius]

On 10/25/2019 at 2:23 PM, Vxvxen said:

@Aquarius 

Delay the sex to the third date, get to know each other. Feel his vibes, identify what he values and trust yourself for making your decision

Learn to say no, if things are going too fast.

Don't get too excited.

Yeah wasn't excited at all, more like relaxed, bored...

Third date rule seems fine. Thanks!!

Yeah. Say no. Learn learn learn Aquariusss....  

On 10/25/2019 at 2:27 PM, mandyjw said:

First of all, take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Do things to uplift your spirit. 

Then put some thought into how you want a real future relationship, encounter or partner to be. Write it down, dream it out. 

Realize that many girls tend to want to give, and give, and give, and give and give and give, and derive pleasure from making other people happy. You did not put your needs first and you did not consider your needs before the entire encounter started. 

Not sending the selfie, not giving men the physical encounter they want forces them to go into their emotions. It also weeds out the vast majority of men. Women don't "hold out" because they think it will make men want them more, they hold out because they want to see what the man is actually made of.

Otherwise more often than not you become an outlet for pent up emotions and desire and repressions. You are worth much more than that, that's why you feel bad but hey, now you know more clearly what you want. 

Thank you dear Mandy!! So true!!!

Yes I want to give give give and get back sooo much less. Sadly.  

Yes, I want to know a man. Moving to bigger town so I might have some luck

Lots of creeps on Cupid.

Yes, he did SAY that... that he wants a woman cause he is repressed or something. uhh..???

[Aquarius]

On 10/25/2019 at 3:05 PM, ajasatya said:

Not quite "as with". You gotta be 10 times extra careful.

Guess I got luck?... Hehe?.. heh? ...............

[Aquarius]

On 10/25/2019 at 9:07 PM, GGG said:

@Aquarius I am curious - what was it about the guy that made you decide to meet him IRL? Did you have other options to choose from?

I don't know. He seemed good looking and I've never really been on a date. I had a boyfriend for about a week.....but he said I'm too young. 10 years difference. Hmm..

Then again I had a 4 years relationship that ended up the guy leaving me for a bdsm masochist..

Then this guy came and we talked about every night for 2-3 days. And I was like cool, a real human. And idk his vibe maybe. Friendly, easy-going. I don't really care about the sex stuff, I guess he just made me curious, plus I sensed that I could trust him. And it was OK. ^^ 

[Aquarius]

20 hours ago, Wisebaxter said:

@ajasatya My experience is different. I've met both of my last two girlfriends on dating apps and they've been amazing people. I met my current girlfriend on an app and we're so well suited, both into spirituality. She even watches Leo! 

OK Cupid isn't the best one, admittedly. Some are better than others and have less of the riff raff on there. I love Bumble, if you can get that where you are. 

Do what Leo said, take it easy, use your intuition. It sounds like you did want sex, but then you ended up feeling guilty and used. Perhaps you should be looking for a casual partner then, but ones that's a bit more up together and fun to be around. 

True. Maybe it was kinda new. And in my town we are kinda like... idk morally conservative? -- Lack for better expression from my part...

I love okcupid, very cool guys. 1230 matches woahhhh.....

Maybe the girls aren't as good idk?? I once put that im bi and the girls use it to went out frustrations mainly..

Like I had a girl tell me about her car accidents and all..

Another crying about her ex for 2 hours........

Guys never do that. Straight to the subject, cool, fun...

Maybe I just need to try more.   

Thanks! 

20 hours ago, lostmedstudent said:

@ajasatya agreed.

met my fb through tinder. It works but you just have to be smart and clear about what you want . 
 

Exactly, just what I did and all the creeps went away now I meet intelligent cool guys <3 

A lot depends on you. As an Aquarius (and vedic Mithuna lagna) I am amazingly energetic and talkative. I'm almost always the dominant one with the boys...  

Edited October 26, 2019 by Aquarius

[Wisebaxter]

@Aquarius What would be your ideal scenario here. What are you looking for with this online dating, ultimately? 

[Aquarius]

On 10/27/2019 at 8:12 AM, Wisebaxter said:

@Aquarius What would be your ideal scenario here. What are you looking for with this online dating, ultimately? 

Looking for a longer term relationship. But whatever, I already found two guys I like that would work, I have a date with one tomorrow. He is 18 (I'm 21) and he is coming to visit. And there is one (23) that wants a loooong term relationship that I'm meeting next weekend and with whom I'm gonna continue seriously and maybe move in. I just couldn't let this 18 old amazing intelligent guy to "slip away" without at least 1 date. <3 And the 23 year old knows that I still date guys... we are not together yet. So I am free to date this cutie tomorrow..