Life is too bright - Journal of experiences.

[JPaulo]

I write this for myself. I ask in which these words come to form? As I read in which they come to make meaning.

Am I the empty space in which populates all?

From words to form to meaning.

Edited October 26, 2019 by JPaulo

[JPaulo]

I have a speech for my father's 50th birthday tonight. Like many, I have always feared public speaking due to potential public  humiliation. This new paradigm shift has and seemingly  continue to test the character.  

It won't be for a few hours so I will make the most of my moment to remain still and attempt to verbalise the love I have. 

Edited October 26, 2019 by JPaulo

[JPaulo]

tonight ended the way it should have ended. full of laughter and love.

the speech turned out good. I was able to let the situation be... and did not get sucked into the "negative" physical feelings of anxiety...

It was present of course - but it didn't throw me off my game.  The body was composed and was able to truly absorb the situation. laughter and smiles all around...more importantly I got my feelings across to the birthday boy.

 

The rest of the evening flowed -  the relative world is truly too bright. it is wonderful.

 

 

[JPaulo]

Since opening up my home for rent to a colleague at work who also is a great friend. It has slowly changed my habits to my commutes at work.  Where I am  generally on my phone playing games and or sitting quietly meditating. Instead we talk about shit and honestly it is the best.

This room mate of mine seemingly has lost himself with the dramas of life. There is anger and sadness when he speaks; Despite this he can still laugh out loud and still make jokes - he is a good man and I promised him it will be good soon...and if it hasn't I told him he can find me and refund the statement with a punch. 

I tried to haiku ( I know, hahaha)

See pass the content
know not the structure of Is
Only then you know.

 

 

[JPaulo]

During my commute today I was doing a meditation and I came to a insight...this might come obvious to some but I finally come to experience what FAITH is.

Faith is to abandon reason and logic; to transcend the body, mind and the world.

To an outsider looking in faith is a strong belief to a doctrine...Which is okay to I guess. Hahah

- I know I could have googled this...

[JPaulo]

I have been craving isolation since this shift within me. I look forward to sitting alone and being immersed in whatever I am doing. Be it writing these small journal notes or watching my surroundings.

I don't know what it is but I seem to also connect more with people... I no longer need to put on a face...ITS SO GREAT!

My relationship with my family is slowly getting better...its healing.

My body and my mind are on the mend...I feel great ...the mental dance is not here anymore and if it does come i simply acknowledge it and move on. Its like knowing you are breathing and then you forget about it.

.

This is truly living... I may not be as articulate as many but I hope to get better to communicate this experience....which you are experiencing now!  but it is simply being overlooked so - If you are reading this... Stop and open yourself to it.

Remove all the mental divisions you have placed and know that there's only this.

 

 

 

[JPaulo]

Well this week has been a little up and down.

Due to my  "outward" facing path I am focus more on  my experiences  and this question came up...

Does awareness rely on the body and mind?

As a child I have no sense of body nor mind - I was simply  being and even in deep sleep...but does being in the relative world involves these two aspects to channel awareness?

Is body and mind necessary  ingredients  to be able to ask "am i aware?"

-----

After some contemplation and digging around...there's only one thing going on and that's present in both deep sleep and the waking state. So yes body and mind is necessary to witness the "waking state" of the character. 

 

I began to be sold by the objects of awake state as real and considered the non objects of dreamless sleep as false.

 

 

 

Edited November 6, 2019 by JPaulo

[JPaulo]

Today I went out for lunch as usual. I walked to a not usual spot by the park under a tree to eat. The sun was nice, the wind was cool  and the tree covered me enough to get ample sunlight to keep me warm. As I ate, birds were chirping ...I decided to meditate but this time I asked my surroundings  to guide me. The chirping of the birds intensified as if telling me to go away...they were above me tweeting away….quite violently...my mind was also darting around in there to… they got closer until they were above my head I can see there were 2 of them.

So I began to playfully  talk to them, "..this is my spot as well, fck you."

I then decided to let my mind go and the birds moved to a branch closer to me still tweeting away...I began  to think they will shit on me out of anger for trespassing. I decided fck it, I asked to be guided and this is what I got - let's work with it.

 I began to still the mind and the body. the birds went from aggressive noises,  which turned to sporadic tweets, to a gentle chirp and then... silence. 

 

The silence was filled  with so much  thick emotion that I nearly burst into tears ..not sure  why I held back...I guess I didn't want to upset the birds with my tears haha.

Then I noticed the two birds were looking at me turning their little heads to get a better view. I laid there for 30 minutes in silence with the two birds sharing the moment… it was sublime and as a bonus I didn't get shat on. 

Edited November 13, 2019 by JPaulo

[JPaulo]

The moment we label an object, the mind gets absorbed in the words rather than the significance and the depth of the object.

Drop words, labels and you will see everything with wonder.

Edited November 14, 2019 by JPaulo

[JPaulo]

I am writing this as the "tingly" feeling . My body is no longer a subject of my experience but is my experience. The collapse of the knower and the known is such a peaceful state....

I can see this state is what we are all seeking and it is everywhere. Art, hobbies, people, nature, drugs, work...

 

[JPaulo]

"Do you talk  to everyone like this?"  She said.

"Yes I do" ...with a pause and a smile.

 

How does one avoid to talk about the divinity of day to day life. In fact I do find myself constantly sharing it's majesty. Is this an illness? ...

 

I am just in love with life and I just can't shut up about it.

 

 

 

[JPaulo]

In the flow of life ... strong and persistent thoughts and emotions keep arising when the body becomes still.

I acknowledge and let it be as there are no action I can take in the moment. 

The longing to express my emotions to another can no longer can be contained.

The situation has become complicated however I desire to express these emotions despite the outcome.

 

-

 

Feel everything,  there are no actions to be taken. Accept all arising in the moment..it was built up due to it not being acknowledge and not felt. These emotions and thoughts are good. It's okay to want.

Edited December 10, 2019 by JPaulo