Severe Motivation Oscillation

[electroBeam]

I've been going through a problem for the last 3 years and just cannot solve it.

In a nutshell there are currently 2 things I'm passionate about right now: providing value for the world, and experiencing alternate states of consciousness.

My motivation for these 2 things oscillate extremely on a month to month basis.

 

One month I'm deeply into meditation and go hard core at it. But then I realize no matter what states of consciousness I realize, that realization doesn't help the world: US broken healthcare system, animal cruelty, poverty.

So then I oscillate to being super passionate about my career... Until I realize the material real is extremely boring, I start feeling like what I'm doing is pointless and I just get very sick and bored of it. So then I go back to consciousness and the cycle continues.

 

This brings me a lot of suffering. Because when I do get sick of the thing I'm currently into, I'm in a really low place. And at the beginning of the cycle I put a lot of effort into motivating myself to do the thing, but then get no rewards for it.

 

This has been going on since mid 2017, and honestly a bit earlier.

 

There have been so many times where I thought I solved my problem. Yes! it's because I need to do the life purpose course again! Oh it's because I need to combine the 2 into 1 thing! Oh it's because my motivation techniques aren't good enough... I've tried so many times and have failed. Every time I come up with a solution I feel like I've just advanced to a new state of consciousness, it's exciting, relieving... Until I realized that the solution was all an imaginary fantasy and things are different now.

Just 2 days ago I thought I had solved the problem. Now ive realized i didnt because i am again sick and tired of materialism! and the solution didnt work. 

I know that I will be sick of consciousness again in 1 month... 

 

Has anyone had this problem and how did they fix it?

 

[Sahil Pandit]

@electroBeam could you tell us how meditation / consciousness work has helped you in your day to day life?

[VeganAwake]

@electroBeam  I used to use a lot of positive affirmations to keep me motivated for work: I have a wonderful job with wonderful pay, I do a wonderful service in a wonderful way. 

I always tell people not to resist what they're naturally feeling. If you naturally want to focus on Consciousness just allow yourself to do it and don't resist what is. A lot of pain and suffering occur when we resist the present moment. 

Maybe just try allowing yourself to go with the flow and not resisting.

Good luck buddy!!

[electroBeam]

2 hours ago, Sahil Pandit said:

@electroBeam could you tell us how meditation / consciousness work has helped you in your day to day life?

Strictly speaking I don't believe it has helped me in my day to day life but I can describe why I enjoy it.

1. Kundalini energy feels good and is deeply interesting to experience

2. Understanding more deeply what the ego is has allowed myself to redesign my life in more happier ways. For example, changing your values to something more fulfilling, changing your goals to something that will make you happier in the long term rather than distraction.

3. Opening the heart chakra enables you to act in ways that are morally Right from an absolute level, which makes you and other people happier, and makes sociological systems healthier.

4. Having the experience that you are the present moment takes away the concept of death, and physical limitations, enabling an unboundedness of happiness to occur.

5. Having a no self experience is deeply interesting as it's radically different to ordinary POV. this makes you want to explore deeper to unravel the mystery.

6. Letting go of a deeply held belief which you didn't realize was a belief takes away certain mental limits and this is deeply exciting. 

7. The present moment is deeply interesting in general.

[Sahil Pandit]

@electroBeam have you heard of Ken Wilber's "states vs. stages" model?

[electroBeam]

1 hour ago, Sahil Pandit said:

@electroBeam have you heard of Ken Wilber's "states vs. stages" model?

struggling to understand how states vs stages helps this problem

[Eu Sint]

It seems you want to have control over everything you do, trying to find the right solutions at all times. You make your plans, you come up with solutions and you are disappointed /satisfied if you do not get the desired results.Do not struggle to have control. You still operate from the cyclic plane of dualities, up -down, suffering -happiness, etc.What if you were trying to do as VeganAwake said:  “just try allowing yourself to go with the flow and not resisting.”

And I can suggest you try to keep your thoughts, emotions and feelings always under observation without attaching to them. What are the motivations? Who needs motivations to be present??

[electroBeam]

9 hours ago, Eu Sint said:

What if you were trying to do as VeganAwake said:  “just try allowing yourself to go with the flow and not resisting.”

I think that would lead to me getting no where, being a couch potato playing video games while eating pizza. 

[Eu Sint]

If that means for you to “allowing yourself to go with the flow and not resisting.”then it's okay. But be so present in this, without judging or interpreting it in any way, without making arguments pro or against you, without remorse for what you do.Let it all go and be aware that you are sitting on the couch, playing video games and eating pizza. Just be present in this unique moment.Do you think there is a way to get you somewhere? Do you think there is a special place where you have to reach and where you will be greeted with flowers and applauds, because you have arrived at your destination?Here all roads depart from you and return back to you.?

[Nahm]

There are two layers of identification at play, the roles, and the body. This is the root of the suffering. Which is why the paradigm of doer and consciousness is backwards, making it very hard to notice.

[electroBeam]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

There are two layers of identification at play, the roles, and the body. This is the root of the suffering. Which is why the paradigm of doer and consciousness is backwards, making it very hard to notice.

Why do these 2 layers cause oscillations?

[Nahm]

@electroBeam The conditioned self is trying to ”survive” and it wouldn’t short of skipping meditations. It’s a back and forth of emotional release and suppression. Feeling relative to thinking, it’s ups and down, the “rollercoaster”. 

[electroBeam]

3 hours ago, Nahm said:

@electroBeam The conditioned self is trying to ”survive” and it wouldn’t short of skipping meditations. It’s a back and forth of emotional release and suppression. Feeling relative to thinking, it’s ups and down, the “rollercoaster”. 

you nailed it on the head, survival is fighting with the 'role' of the mediator or explorer consciousness. Yes I can really feel the body is shit scared of not getting enough food and not having shelter. But the role of the meditator feels so suppressed and limited by this view.

I'm currently earning just over the poverty line and work 40 to 60 hours a week. But even so I don't like surviving, go as far as to say I hate it. Fuck this is a hard problem to solve. Now I see why suicide is so rampant on this journey. 

[Nahm]

@electroBeam Understandable, that’s the conditioned perspective. That’s what limits, making it seem like there are limited options and avenues. I would put how you feel first, and make choices from that standpoint. Based on what you want.