I am bigger on the inside

[JessicaKatherine]

 What is it to be alive? What is death? 

What is any of this, why do I have senses and why am I conscious? 

Why can I ask these questions and why am I in a body? 

Why don't I know these answers and why is it seemingly impossible to know?

Why is it my nature to not know and where or when can I find out? 

I want to know, what am I? What is this? 

Where do I come from? Where am I going? 

 

 

On the the other hand I am embracing the temporary. I want to be human and embrace the mundane. I don't want to be human, I don't like the sufferage.  

 

This is good and bad, It's a miracle that there is either. 

 

[JessicaKatherine]

 So today is day one of creating an online journal. I feel like with my phone being readily available wherever I am, this should be a more productive outcome than pen and paper has been over the years.

I want to record current events so that I can stay track of a new starting goal for where I am heading  

•I am currently working towards my fitness goals. I've been on the upslope of health for the last five years. I started school five years ago to become a fitness trainer and never became state certified when I passed the school test. Fit weight, age 27, was 220lbs. Currently 135lbs. I eat moderately well. I would like to work towards an even more conscious diet and more consistent exercise.

•I can meditate up to one hour at a time after an upslope of meditation over the last three years. I would like to become consistent and less distracted. My meditation is skewered. It's scarce with few sessions between. 

•I would like to finish school to become a life coach. I am currently half way through and motivated weekly to keep up with my studies. I am consistent. I would like to gain coaching experience before I charge income when I am certified. My goal is to see results for my clients through my ability to assist. 

•I am currently reaching for my savings goals. I started saving money several months ago after spending two years removing myself from the poverty mindset. I have paid off $19,000 worth of debt and turned it into $3,000 worth of debt. I would like to have this paid off as soon as possible. I direct deposit 15% of my pay into savings. I also add to it when I come into extra money. I want to continue to my next  thousand dollar saving milestone and continue to stop spending where I don't need to. 

 

•I have adopted a lifestyle  minimalism  mindset when I found Buddhism as a teaching six years ago.  I don't follow religion it was just a turning point in my perception. I used to hoard things in my apartment when I first moved out of my parents house. I now own a home and keep tidy and clear. I would like to see it more reduced of distraction. I watch myself to not fall into hoarding behaviors. My goal is to find out what can be decluttered at this point and what I don't have to purchase so much of going forward so that my wallet and home will be in a better place for my mentality. 

 

Also I am not sure if I am posting correctly as an online journal, that's why the second part to my first post is a comment. I'll get it figured it out eventually though. 

Edited October 23, 2019 by JessicaKatherine

[JessicaKatherine]

@modmyth Thank you, I agree with you about setting more specific goals! As I wrote on the forum I realized I need to start solid on the things that are important to me. This time in a more meaningful measurement. I have gone in waves over the years to improve in layers on how I can do better. I've never been more focused than in my current years so I feel like I am with you on that, this would be like a sharpened blade if I take my time and slice things right. I am going to recreate a system that is more concrete. This month for 30 days I am focused on my weight loss goals again. After my entry I took a tangible direction to build on the things that are important to me one at a time again starting there. It seemed like what motives me the strongest currently is my fitness goals. It's never too late to hit restart. 

On October 26th I started to do my fitness affirmations and began a calorie deficiency while I clean up my diet again. Soon I will be recording my days. I didn't know if it was a solid plan to put it to pen and paper until I read your advice and felt encouraged to start sooner than later. (Thank you).

Here's how I feel about why I am going to start again on my physical health and improve on my lifestyle changes; I know the value of my physical body is made of what I ingest and the quality of my consciousness ties in intimately with the information and foods and beverages I take in and how much I work on high quality output on my actions. In the past my actions were more egotistical based desires where in recent history for me I am seeing the value of proper self care as I mature. 

It's a domino effect on other areas, it's a web that stretches into my daily actions. When I over eat I am glazed over with a fixation to keep eating and the hypnosis of my unhealthy food cravings dulls down my entire "energy field" (so to speak). This delays other goals. I do not over eat like I did when I was at my heaviest but the milder cravings I have are definitely derived from my food addictions in the past. I am going to weed these left over bad habits out now that I am at a consistent in my health currently and won't fear so much progress backlash from going too fast. Slow and steady has finally won this race.

 

Also, would you mind telling me how I might be able to start a second page of my journal entry? That would be a huge help, I haven't figured it out yet! Thank you so much! Have a great evening!

[JessicaKatherine]

@modmyth, My attitude towards fitness fluctuates although I do consider this to be one of the top ten importances of my self improvement, sad and happy to say. I either feel motivated organically or sometimes I have to force myself into shape because my default position returning and assuming bad habits. I am on the side of avoiding ego backlash by trying not to force things here days until I change naturally, but this comes with the pain of "not consistent enough" patterns that happen with me.  Thats where my pain comes in. Any tips?