Dealing with people who try to sabotage your road to self actualization

[Nickyy]

On 22/10/2019 at 11:43 PM, GGG said:

Hi,

I am wondering if anyone has advice on how to deal with people who try to knock you off your path to self realization/development. I have had enough experiences in life to know that whenever I start to work on myself and gain momentum, whether it be career/life purpose, dating, finances, etc, there will be people who try to sabotage it. This is usually done unconsciously on their part. But reflecting on my past, it seems that it is almost inevitable that I will run into these people as soon as i gain momentum and try to change my life. Maybe it is something internal I need to work on. Please share any advice/wisdom that you have regarding this.

Thank You.

Accept everything with gratitude and continue to live in the present moment. Nothing can harm you as you are already whole. But as soon as you start demonizing people thats when they truly do have power over you and can control you.

[Nahm]

4 hours ago, GGG said:

@Nahm How do I reach a point where I am not judging people? Also, I think it is important to judge people...

Why do you think it’s important? Let’s examine a bit. 

[GGG]

12 hours ago, Nahm said:

Why do you think it’s important? Let’s examine a bit. 

@Nahm Not everyone has your best interest in mind. Some people want to take advantage of you in various ways. Salesmen want to sell you BS you don't need. Marketers wants to influence your mind in many ways. Politicians/news/political commentators/etc want to influence your thoughts. Your personal relationships might contain some of this toxicity as well. You need to be able to make correct judgements about people's motives. I think I actually want to improve my ability to judge people instead of not judging them at all.

I think I understand what you were saying and I want to get to the point where I am not concerned with what people around me think or do. I want to just stay focused on my life and self actualization. Maybe I just haven't reached a level where I have full clarity of purpose, where no one can influence or sidetrack me. I think this might be the issue. But even if I reach such a point, I know there are people who are suffering from envy and who look outside themselves for feelings of self worth, who do not like seeing someone doing better than them or being happier than them. I would be a fool to think that these people don't exist, and it is my past that taught me this reality.

Edit: Some people have the ability to make you feel so bad about yourself that it puts you into a state of depression and passivity.

Edited November 10, 2019 by GGG

[Key Elements]

Let's say you wanted to incorporate your career, entrepreneurship, and non-duality in your life purpose. (You know that it is possible to do this, right?) And, you're a teacher by profession. If someone asks you, "what do you do for a living?" You don't have to say, "I'm planning to become an entrepreneur," and explain the full details. This will sound woo-woo for most ppl. Just say that you're planning to become a teacher. Let them respond first. If they ask you further questions, just say that you might do it online, and wait to see their reactions. Don't reveal everything at once.

[Conscious life]

@Leo Gura

On 10/23/2019 at 3:31 AM, Leo Gura said:

Cut such people out of your life. Simple.

Unless you're making it up as an excuse. In which case that's your shadow at work.

I thought we embrace our shadow side? 

How do we observe our shadow if we cut them out? 

[GGG]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqr98O8QT3M

[remember]

@GGG  i guess the best way to not getting sabotaged is either knowing for yourself why you want things to happen and how you want things to happen, still staying open for constructive critique, be  aware of your reasons, motives and way of creating, or the other method is to find people who support you instead of sabotaging you, not in a oneway solution but in a self sustaining pushing  way. group ego where you put in what you get back. if you want to create something you have to constatntly fight to not being sabotaged, as mediocrity always tries to tear you back, you sometimes start to question if you did the right thing if you might not want to do it differently. these questions are also important. i also struggle with that, so not at the end of the journey yet, if the journey ever ends. (be aware that mediocrity ususally doesn`t, better is almost always possible)

Edited November 13, 2019 by remember

[GGG]

Good video, relevant to this thread.

[GGG]

 

[GGG]

Oh yeah, this guy

Edited November 22, 2019 by GGG

[TamaraD]

On 10/23/2019 at 2:31 AM, Leo Gura said:

Cut such people out of your life. Simple.

Unless you're making it up as an excuse. In which case that's your shadow at 

When its close family, its difficult to cut them out of your life. How do you do that when its a sibling? Not jealousy but annoyance. And I still want to be accepted and loved by this sibling because we were so so close. We both must have done wrong things, but talking about it seems impossible. How do you deal with them at an encounter like a dinner or more difficult situation (an illness or crisis in the family) and they avoid you and only talk to the other siblings? Do I have to say sorry for all the wrong I did to this sibling or just say it internally? Its really hard. Ps i agree my ego is playing a big part. I just cant seem to love myself in this situation of severe rejection of my sibling with whom I was so so close and now I cant even have a good conversation with to let everything behind us. Wanting to connect with the sibling again, is that ego? Or my heart... I just would like to reconnect. We are not even 1 year in age difference. So grew up together really close. But now I only feel disapproval.

Please can someone help or give some advice?

 

Ps we are in our 40's now

Edited November 22, 2019 by TamaraD

[TamaraD]

On 10/25/2019 at 10:24 PM, Nahm said:

 

Really interesting answer, Nahm.

[ivory]

@TamaraD What have you tried so far? I'd start by telling them how I felt and what I wanted. If they weren't willing to talk I'd tell them that I'd be patient and wait until the time is right.

[Nahm]

On 11/9/2019 at 8:23 PM, GGG said:

@Nahm Not everyone has your best interest in mind. Some people want to take advantage of you in various ways. Salesmen want to sell you BS you don't need. Marketers wants to influence your mind in many ways. Politicians/news/political commentators/etc want to influence your thoughts. Your personal relationships might contain some of this toxicity as well. You need to be able to make correct judgements about people's motives. I think I actually want to improve my ability to judge people instead of not judging them at all.

Yes but judgement is dualistic and separation. What you’re looking for is effortless intuition. It’s below, prior to, judgement. 

I think I understand what you were saying and I want to get to the point where I am not concerned with what people around me think or do. I want to just stay focused on my life and self actualization. Maybe I just haven't reached a level where I have full clarity of purpose, where no one can influence or sidetrack me. I think this might be the issue.

Yes. The “answer” is meditate every morning, and maintain a dream board. You know there are people doing this, and what other people think of them literally doesn’t even cross their mind?  Drop that “levels” future thought story. Today is for your dream. Pay no mind to what does not resonate with you. Do that in a room alone, and in a room of a hundred ‘sales people’, ‘politicians’, ‘commentators’, etc, there’s no difference because it’s your perspective, not what anyone else is doing. Relationships don’t “contain” toxicity, that is another perspective, which you are choosing. If you don’t care for the show, just change the channel. 

But even if I reach such a point, I know there are people who are suffering from envy and who look outside themselves for feelings of self worth, who do not like seeing someone doing better than them or being happier than them. I would be a fool to think that these people don't exist, and it is my past that taught me this reality.

It’s just a perspective. Believing it is conditioning. A good rule of them is if it doesn’t feel good, you’re judging them. 

Edit: Some people have the ability to make you feel so bad about yourself that it puts you into a state of depression and passivity.

There is no assertion, keep pretending there is, and you’ll keep feeling the discord with your inner being which tells you, in feeling, “that won’t jive, because it’s not true”. 

Make a list of solid actual reasons you can’t love them unconditionally... Notice every perspective you come up with is self centered and doesn’t feel good. Also notice, your mind, if left undisciplined, will simply find new justifications for blaming others about how you feel. That’ll play out until you stop believing your thoughts and get that intuition. 

@TamaraD ??

[TamaraD]

1 hour ago, ivory said:

@TamaraD What have you tried so far? I'd start by telling them how I felt and what I wanted. If they weren't willing to talk I'd tell them that I'd be patient and wait until the time 

I tried but the other person doesnt want a connection and feels fine with it and also added that with the other siblings the connection was good. That we dont have to get along. This might be true but it seems out of proportion. I cant do anything good it seems. Difficult to cope with. Doesnt really talk to me but to other family members. Perception got stuck overtime in extreme annoyance and I cant change it, even when I take into account what might have been annoying from my part. Is it my ego or my heart when this really hurts? I feel left out, but its not only a feeling, its also the reality.

Tolle says "give them you attention, listen" etc "go beyond the ego and conceptual mind" etc.

Leo gura says "cut them out of your life".

Its just not always possible. Even when you avoid more contact then needed, any encounter is stressful. Also sibling has some problems and possibly I confront but not on purpose with some things.

 

I am at a point where I am scared to begin this conversation. Conversation about reconnecting will not be welcomed I think. Only new annoyance.

Edited November 22, 2019 by TamaraD

[GGG]

@Nahm I only saw your reply today. I thought that I put you in a stalemate or something and never checked the thread. Thanks. I will think about what you wrote.

[GGG]

@cypres I wouldn't say that the things in your bullet points are recurring, but I have experienced them. Can you elaborate a bit more on the suppressed challenges you are talking about. 

[Thewritersunion]

What are their intentions and coping mechanism on why theyre stopping you?