My emotions sabotage me trying to attract a girl

[LaucherJunge]

To be honest I have been very lazy when it comes to pursuing women in a really masculine way moving towards them and so on, in the past I would rather run away basically. All the girlfriends I had I've met online and this was really smooth and effortless then, but getting together with a girl through a real life connection seems so hard to me.
I just started studying and there is a girl in my group who I hang out with all the time basically but it's like so hard for me to stay me, I really get lost, lose my authenticity basically in the pursuit of her, my emotions are just really overwhelming like they've always been, I feel like I get addicted to the person I pursue and whenever any bit of closeness fades I feel pain and this makes me basically budge to the circumstances and lose myself. 
It's not even about this girl for me honestly, I can go a little into detail about what's going on with her and me but it's really not that important after all, I just need to start choosing me finally and figure out how to solve this issue for good.
It's so hard for me to handle this, it's already enough for me that we get into the room and randomly don't sit beside each other this gets me really uncomfortable and can be painful already, or her being at her phone all the time writing with others or whatever.
At the weekend we actually were on discord together and played a game I also asked her if she wants to come to my place with me someday after university she agreed but when I saw her this morning she was just on her phone playing and basically didn't even look at me when we said good morning to each other. She is kinda socially awkward I guess, studying IT with me so that's not a surprise. I'm just trying to stay strong with her and get closer and closer step by step but I feel like in the process I am getting hurt more and more.
Gosh it would be all so easy, but it's just my emotions that are so hard to handle for me. Obviously I'm wasting way too much thought over her anyway but again this is predicated by my emotions, they are really controlling me like crazy, when it comes to girls and relationships I have always known that some things I was doing or was about to do are going to drive me away from them but I did them usually anyway because my emotions forced me to, it's just like constant torture for me, the pain won't go away until I act, I just can't sit still sometimes, can't have the patience.

Edited October 21, 2019 by LaucherJunge

[28 cm unbuffed]

@LaucherJunge

meditative, third person perspective state is a key

easy to say, but you can train that - just start to ignore emotions that you don't like to experience and follow the ones you do like and consciously decide that you want to go after and experience these

if you feel like getting hurt - just take a break, don't tell her that, it's a sign that you are pushing too much, your emotions are like a feedback mechanism from Universe, you should always follow love, bliss and joy 

give yourself some time with getting more into "feeling" what to do and going with the flow, push-pull energy dynamic in relationship and after some time and training you will perfect your game and it will just become natural to you