NPD, sexoholism, purpose

[Rebecca Kalamata]

Tsuki Dear, 

So much self criticism. So much analysis. It's a great challenge to observe myself without analyzing, critisizing and rewriting my story in my head, No?For a head type it's a comfort to consider Aspberger's Syndrome. Trying on a lable to see if it fits has it's comforts. It doesn't mean that I have to wear it once I recognize the way my brain processes the things of my mind. I have legs. I am not legs. I have a brain. I am not a brain. I have a mind. I am not a mind. I do not have an ego. Ego means I am in Greek. Ego. I am. Good. Now I must defend myself! Now I must aquire, I must have! Ego is the grand illusion, no? I am cause. I thought I was effect. 

Time to stop the beating up. Perhaps masochistic is a suit to try on. Ho'oponopono. "Forgive me. I'm sorry, Thank you. I love you." Easy as pie. Butttt....,100% responsibility WITHOUT guilt. Just let go of the guilt. Being guilty is such bitter,sweet pleasure no? 30 years is not such a long time.

Look how far you have come! Congratulations on a job well done. A wand of forgiveness has been waved and now you are free to just observe. ISN'T IT WONDERFUL!

[tsuki]

@Rebecca Kalamata I know that writing style. I'm glad to see you back.

Thank you for your message. Now that the guilt is out of the way, what am I going to do with the rest of my life?
Like, live it? Nonono, that's waaaay to scary. I'd have to actually do what I want and that could turn out not the way I wanted...

How do you people get this wonderful kind of energy?

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, tsuki said:

Have you ever tripped on LSD?

Does lsd help with that. That's great news. Thanks . 

[tsuki]

19 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Does lsd help with that. That's great news. Thanks . 

From what I was able to gather, it is believed that LSD works similarly to serotonin.
I have never stumbled across any scientific study on LSD (but then again I wasn't looking for it).
The very few trips that I had were some of the most profound events in my life.

Edited November 15, 2019 by tsuki

[Preety_India]

@tsuki  awesome. Worth trying 

[tsuki]

This is such a goldmine: Affective neuroscience

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Affective_neuroscience#Main_structures_of_the_limbic_system

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

My wife just gave this to me as a birthday present. A DIY dreamcatcher!

Actually, it's her 30th birthday but we agreed to celebrate it together.

[tsuki]

 

[Preety_India]

@tsuki that dreamcatcher is beautiful. I make my own diy types. Nice to see that 

Have a great day

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

 

[Rebecca Kalamata]

Tsuki Dear, 

So much self criticism. So much analysis. It's a great challenge to observe myself without analyzing, critisizing and rewriting my story in my head, No?For a head type it's a comfort to consider Aspberger's Syndrome. Trying on a lable to see if it fits has it's comforts. It doesn't mean that I have to wear it once I recognize the way my brain processes the things of my mind. I have legs. I am not legs. I have a brain. I am not a brain. I have a mind. I am not a mind. I do not have an ego. Ego means I am in Greek. Ego. I am. Good. Now I must defend myself! Now I must aquire, I must have! Ego is the grand illusion, no? I am cause. I thought I was effect. 

Time to stop the beating up. Perhaps masochistic is a suit to try on. Ho'oponopono. "Forgive me. I'm sorry, Thank you. I love you." Easy as pie. Butttt....,100% responsibility WITHOUT guilt. Just let go of the guilt. Being guilty is such bitter,sweet pleasure no? 30 years is not such a long time.

Look how far you have come! Congratulations on a job well done. A wand of forgiveness has been waved and now you are free to just observe. ISN'T IT WONDERFUL!

 

Tsuki, I can't figure out how to reply to your reply to my reply. Maybe this is it but it looks like I'm continuing what I said the other day. Anyway, I scrolled through all your stuff and YOU HAVE ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT ASPERGER IN YOUR POSTS! I didn't see them when I suggested trying it on.

This shit KEEPS HAPPENING TO ME! I write something and THEN I hear Leo talk about it. Now it has happened with you and Asperger Syndrome.

In my last journal entry I mentioned that Autism is a theme in my life. Let me clarify that I mean HFA, High Functioning Autism. My family is riddled with it and, and, and.... It's all such a long story. Everything that Leo talks about is in it. And it all started with my brother's and I say my father's HFA. The second cult (Christianity was the first), then my reversing the Pickup Game, then the sexoholicism, then Greece, then the 2nd Cult, then teaching special kids, then Greece again, then too much Autism, and Greece. And all the time my heart was BLEEDING. Too much empathy. How can I be an HFA Empath? Excuse me for rattling on. Things are happening so fast. Seriously it's time for me to begin a serious meditation practice. Thanks for writing, Thanks. Love is washing over me. Love your sweet young wife. Everything else is just hormones but without the hormones coursing through our meat suits we wouldn't feel the love or the fear. LOVE IS LETTING GO OF FEAR". 

Listen to "2 Cellos, The Show Must Go On" and check out " Jim Sloman Affecting Our Reality", Oh what a story of mine is his!

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

It's been a while since I posted and a lot has changed in my life.
Currently, I'm fighting against emotional violence in my workplace and actively working to get my manager fired.
I found three coworkers that were willing to speak out, but two of them dropped out right before the CEO's office.
The CEO said that he was not aware of the extent of it and seemed genuinely shocked. I said that if he is not fired by 1st January, I will hand him my resignation.

Right now, I am writing the letter from the staff where I describe his behavior and I am hoping that many coworkers will sign it.
Some of them seem to have normalized this behavior and dismiss it as normal, but some are genuinely pissed at him.
I feel like I'm living in the matrix - people seem to have forgotten things that were happening not as long as week ago and chat along happily.
It makes me feel like I'm oversensitive and it is exactly how a victim would feel. Thankfully, my wife is supporting me.

Edited December 10, 2019 by tsuki

[Zigzag Idiot]

Read this soon after you posted it the other day.

My thoughts have been with you periodically this week in a Tonglen way.

[tsuki]

@Zigzag Idiot Thanks man. It's been a rough week. I hardly slept, lost two kilograms and I feel physically sick.

I handed the letter to the CEO yesterday. After talking to everyone in the company, only me and one other coworker was willing to sign it. Everybody agrees with my assessment of the situation, but they are afraid of retaliation. They think that the CEO is covering the manager and that he won't fire him. People said that they will confirm the letter in person, but won't sign anything.

I trust the CEO, we had a lot of deep conversations when we used to work together. I choose to believe in him.
I do not hate the manager. He's sick and I feel compassion towards him, but I won't enable his addiction to power.

I spoke with two employees that were called to the CEO's office yesterday and they both told me that they confirmed the contents of the letter. They weren't asked to sign anything so it wasn't a formal hearing.

I'm having second-thoughts about leaving the company because I have no backup plan for my employment .
I will see this thing through so giving my resignation on the January 1st may be too rash.

On the other hand, I stand by what I wrote and I don't want to work for a company that supports emotional violence.
Two days ago, I heard the manager talking to one of the employees on the corridor with his signature tone of voice.
I couldn't contain myself and wept. I can't have this.

Edited December 14, 2019 by tsuki

[tsuki]

So, the cat is out of the bag. The manager has learned about the letter but does not know its contents yet.
He's now passively hostile. I was scolded for being my usual 5 minutes late. He was 10 minutes late in the morning and he was supposed to open the company door for my coworkers. He's also picking on the fact that I'm wearing headphones at work and forbid me from wearing them.

The manager seems to be convinced that I made a letter describing his lack of technical skill in managing the workshop.
He's been mopping the floor with my coworkers for the past two days, not realizing the this behavior is exactly the problem.

The CEO is out on the business trip and should be back today, or tomorrow.