Entering into silence (progress report) + 1 question

[Aaron p]

I'm speaking a lot less, thinking a lot less. It feels as though there is nothing to say, only that there is my self to realise. I've been so quiet on the form here I didn't even realise I hadn't posted in 3 or 4 months. Every now and again my consciousness shifts and I feel everything in my perception bow down to me. In these moments all I can describe it is like a "deepening". 

Starting DMT retreats soon (Sunday). I'm also noticing all of my evil side. It isint the nicest thing to have to see but I feel as though it's necessary.

One other report; I'm becoming very knowledgeable and far wiser than I was before. It feels like I have childlike wisdom growing inside me. And my presence is becoming..."heavier". For some reason I seem to dominate social groups without even saying much. It's like when I walk in, something about my presence makes other people want to impress me for some reason hahaha. I'm a little bit scared of not being a person for much longer. 

The longer I practise, the more I want to practise. 

 

**I have a question as well... (Context; I was a completely psychotic person and still notice my tendencies to become psychotic and flip out at people. Over very little. Attention seeking, inappropriate, crazy head kinda guy.)

My question is this, if I go to the doctors to get antipsychotic medication, will this in any way affect my path? Thanks guys, love you all

[SriBhagwanYogi]

What kind of meditation you do? 

[Aaron p]

@SriBhagwanYogi kryia yoga, self enquiry 

[Mu_]

Antipsychotic could be useful. Try it out. If it’s not useful give it. Simple as that

[VeganAwake]

Yep give the meds a shot...nothing to lose everything to gain...

[Aaron p]

Lovely advice gentlemen, thank you. God bless <3

[phllip103]

Your room look cleaner ? For me its like i clean up my mind

[Aaron p]

Nah mate it's a proper condition. I find it extremely difficult to even socialise a lot of the time because of the mad shit my mind starts thinking. It has it's benefits (low latent inhibition for example makes one extremely creative) Low latent inhibition is a condition where the person can't stop analysing everything, makes for an incredible detective...but crap for being a social being. Having moments of authentic laughter followed by thoughts then forcing myself to continue smiling so it doesn't look weird me stopping smiling of a sudden. It's a proper genetic condition. 

However, I dont mind one aspect of it. Because I'm psychotic I have an easy time finding truth. Very easy actually. A psychotic person will typically resonate deeply with religious concepts. Someone who is psychotic and very clever/wise/intellectual will discover spirituality. I actually feel quite lucky, I am absolutely perfectly fitted for spiritual enlightenment. Because my mind constantly tortures me, I have nothing to lose. And everything to gain. 

[phllip103]

Sometimes conscious of thoughts. One walk out into that One created. One look at what One created. Just look. There is no you and i or reality. One is observing itself. This is what "clean up" mean. Words.

Technoiselogy fucking annoying. I know couple of shit talking out of his ass about tech the whole times. Even their survival needs racing each other compete who is more speed of finger pointing to the moon. Fucking annoying.

[Bittu]

I feel you Aaron. Im psychotic aswell and am on the path too. Similar experience with social situations too.

[Aaron p]

@phllip103 yo, I'm really sorry bro but I didn't understand a single fucken thing you just said hahah?

Edited October 23, 2019 by Aaron p

[Aaron p]

3 hours ago, Bittu said:

I feel you Aaron. Im psychotic aswell and am on the path too. Similar experience with social situations too.

@Bittu mate that's mad. It's such a torture isint it. I've definitely noticed a considerable change in my mind. I knew that if I didn't take up the path I would literally end up some kind of twisted guy. Like, legit twisted...things that I'd rather not say here. Being psychotic is literally shit in and of itself...but I wouldn't have found the path if I wasnt so I duno, I defo wouldn't change how I've lived up until now. 2 things I've realised are;

1 - Psychotic people are absolutely fucked without spirituality...very very little can help. Trying to stop thinking, by thinking...never works. 

2 - Only those who suffer more than anyone else, are attracted to the most powerful healing teachers. Leo is the most powerful teacher in my opinion, my low latent inhibitive opinion. 

These two truths I had to face. 

I find bring my awareness to the palms of my hands helps when I feel my mind becoming psychotic. It's scary to think that this is literally related to being psycho...literally.

I'm just fucken glad I found leos teachings for God sake. Fucking close one 

[Bittu]

I personally feel it is a gift now. Long walks and running and deep breathing in nature really makes my mind quiet. But yeah, I totally agree with points 1 and 2. I would be so fucked without discovering spirituality. 

 

E: It did feel like torture for many years though. Like a dark night of the soul.

Edited October 24, 2019 by Bittu