Asking too many questions in a conversation

[Strangeloop]

I get stuck in conversations where I just start to ask a lot of questions without talking anything about myself I just dont know what else I can do in a conversation besides asking questions

[Knock]

Nothing wrong with asking questions, people love to talk about themselves!
Just make sure you don't come across as an interrogator 

A few tips:

• Try to keep your questions consistent to the topic. Look for 'key words' in the conversation that you can ask another question on if you are interested in that topic. 
• Be open yourself, and share your experiences too. This creates connection and will open up the other person more, but really it just makes a fun and engaging conversation when you can find shared experiences
• Be playful and joke around Half of my conversations at work are 'tongue in cheek' comments said with a smile. Creates a light atmosphere for banter and makes the work day move much faster

[PlayOnWords]

Don't be afraid to take lead of the conversation. When you're asking too many questions you give all control to the one answering, and you may even just be sitting there bored and uninterested but felt like you had nothing else to say so just asked a bunch of questions. If this is the case, take the conversation where you want it to go.

I have found once you become the questioner people assume this role for you and then you really need to honestly state your opinion to almost prove you're not just blindly following what they say but you have your own values too.

Questions should be asked from both sides but sometimes I find this doesn't happen. Some people just like hearing what they have to say and you facilitate that by asking them question after question.

Keep this in mind. 

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Strangeloop said:

I get stuck in conversations where I just start to ask a lot of questions without talking anything about myself I just dont know what else I can do in a conversation besides asking questions

Yeah, that is a classic newbie problem. You gotta train yourself to talk your mouth off about yourself. Be totally self-absorbed. Become a chatterbox. Don't hold any thoughts back. Talk about your opinions, desires, hates, plans, feelings, etc.

Talk about the smallest, dumbest things like how you were flossing your teeth today.

You can practice at home in front of a camera. Record yourself explaining how you ate breakfast today and how you felt about it. Make it sound interesting. You gotta turn ordinary life into stories.

STOP BEING LOGICAL in your conversations with girls! That is crucial. Untrain your logicalness.

A good trick is, rather than asking questions, make observations and statements. So instead of asking, "What do you do for work?" or "Where are you from?", you make random or informed guesses like, "You seem like a California girl" or "You seem like you work in marketing."

It makes no difference if your guess was right or wrong.

You can even make the dumbest observations such as: "Hey, did you know you're sitting next to a palm tree? Did you bother to think about it's feelings? What if it hates when you sit so close next to it? What if you smell like a skunk to the palm tree? Why are you so inconsiderate? "

This kinda stuff is gold, but you gotta train yourself to be this stupid.

[Aeris]

or do like me, find a girl more logical that has been studying science or a "logic domain"

find a girl that is high consciousness @Leo Gura

be 'racist' about low consciousness girl, if you have to dumb down yourself, don't stay with this girl. For me it's about someone who will improve or debate ideas to improve, I do with friends, but I do with my girlfriend, I m not saying "debate" I mean talking high subjects, like vision of life etc.. We all talk stupid things without consciously trying, I m not saying "be very serious" but just be you, and if it doesn't work, fuck it. Don't just give a bad interpretation in early game. Keep the high stuff for the mid/end game. Early you should be yourself, but the best flowing part of yourself.

sure my girl has still problem with instagram and buying useless shits , but she is 20 and already very dev. ( green lurking yellow )

she want mushroom trip and try LSD, so I believe, I don't need to tell her something about materialism, all this will sound jokery in the futur when she will do it. I just needed this kind of openness, cause myself is still growing up. ( I m not her teacher )

Edited October 18, 2019 by Aeris

[Strangeloop]

34 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You can even make the dumbest observations such as: "Hey, did you know you're sitting next to a palm tree? Did you bother to think about it's feelings? What if it hates when you sit so close next to it? What if you smell like a skunk to the palm tree? Why are you so inconsiderate? "

I saw it, I got excited about it, it's genius and stupid at the same time. 

[Thewritersunion]

@Strangeloop try the 80/20 rule

[Jameskells]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

This kinda stuff is gold, but you gotta train yourself to be this stupid.

@Leo Gura The exercises you explained in the how to be funny vid. Will they help with this?

[Strangeloop]

@Thewritersunion can you remind me of the 80/20 rule? I think it's like this 80 percent of work brings 20% of results. Or is it vice versa? So if I ask a lot of question that won't bring me lots of results, I have to balance it with saying statements aswell as sharing my thoughts, any thoughts whatever they might be.

[Knock]

@Strangeloop I think @Thewritersunion means you should talk 80% of the time and listen 20% of the time  (j/k)

In sales they say you have 2 ears and 1 mouth, so use it accordingly. But real life conversation is more nuanced then that. Sometimes you talk for 3 minutes straight, sometimes you just listen for however long it takes for them to finish their train of thought. Flowing in conversation isn't something you can just logically create an algorithm for and now its 'solved'. Like a tennis match, you have to constantly adjust your shot to where the player and balls is at. 

Being a good conversationalist is a skill. It's not a hard skill to learn to be competent at, but it does takes experience and constant refinement. Just get talking to people and don't take it too seriously, we all like to have fun  

[Thewritersunion]

@Knock I have a line:

 

go  up to her and say, is this your tampon, while opening your palm to a note.

the note says, “hey, what’s your number?”

[Sleyker]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You can practice at home in front of a camera. Record yourself explaining how you ate breakfast today and how you felt about it. Make it sound interesting. You gotta turn ordinary life into stories.

Wow! This is sooooo difficult for me, I never talk about that kind of trivial things and when I see others doing it, I just can't stand it. 

Didn't expect it was something I should do to have better conversations.

[Ananta]

3 hours ago, see_on_see said:

There's no need to be stupid. Saying funny things is good, but girls are not stupid

Glad you said it, apparently ppl here think women are total dumbass. What a shame. 

I remember in college I was on my way to my Chemistry class and there was a very pretty blonde woman walking the same direction in high heels. Some guys tried to hit on her with some rude, dumb remarks and she just ignored them. 

She walked into the same Chem room I was going to and went up to the front of the class. She was the teacher and had a Doctorate degree in Chemistry.

So much for women being stupid

[Ananta]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

STOP BEING LOGICAL in your conversations with girls! That is crucial. Untrain your logicalness.

I hope that if you ever need a neurosurgeon that its a girl! 

[Leo Gura]

14 hours ago, Jameskells said:

@Leo Gura The exercises you explained in the how to be funny vid. Will they help with this?

Yes

You can also just go to the mall and walk around while practicing making funny observations to yourself about ordinary things you see in the mall. Train yourself to have a commentary on any random thing you see: a tree, a car, a bird, a dog, a bench, an ad, etc.

DO NOT try to script or memorize this stuff. It won't work. Rather you need to train the ability to improv it on the spot.

It helps a lot to put yourself in a good mood as you try to do this. You gotta be relaxed and playful. Not stiff and business-like.

When talking to girls you gotta be like a kid in a candy store. Passionate, playful, spontaneous.