Love Vs. Infatuation

[Theherosjourney]

What does it feel like to love someone and to be loved?

Hey everyone, my first post here.

I'm actually very confused right now cause I'm dating a girl but I can't tell if I actually love her or is it just infatuation I have.

The thing is that I just turned 30 earlier this year and I've never had any serious relationship. I have a disorganized personality style (i.e combination of avoidant personality and someone who fears being abandoned to death), most of the girls that I dated thus left telling me that I was a mess. ouch.

But this past year I've been doing a lot of self actualization work along with taking some RSD courses that has made me become better at approaching and dating women. And I'm still working on it.

So right now the girl that I'm dating, we vibe really well. We share similar interests and she is usually very receptive to my advances. I don't think that I act so needy like in my previous dating experiences. But most times when I'm by myself, I find myself thinking a lot about her and playing mind movies in my head--some good and some bad. And I can't stop ruminating on the memories I have of her. It starts making me anxious to a point where I think she's actually gonna leave me in real life. 

I know it sounds ridiculous but I'm actually starting to doubt whether it is love or just some unhealthy attachment I have for her. I have no idea of knowing whether it is love or just infatuation coming from my old chode self lol. However, one thing is that when I'm with her I feel very authentic and playful.

I would love to have some insight on this matter. And also if you can share what love feels like in a relationship for you I would really appreciate it!

[Dlavjr]

I can't give the greatest information because in hindsight I'm not sure if I was in love either, but if I can give you some advice, try to keep yourself busy when you're apart. The more you think about her, the more you're going to infatuate yourself with her, and you'll create all these thought stories that'll ultimately give you expectations. Expectations are never a good thing, especially in a relationship. Just live in the moment as best you can, worry about her when you see her, and focus on making memories in present time rather than assuming what might happen. I think love is a momentary thing, you feel it in your heart when you see the person and when you talk to them. A good sign when it's infatuation is when you're slaving for them and you can't be yourself. You do what they say, you try not to disagree or argue, you put off things that you want to/need to do to spend time with them. Let things happen naturally and go with the flow. Hope that helps 

[Theherosjourney]

8 hours ago, Dlavjr said:

I can't give the greatest information because in hindsight I'm not sure if I was in love either, but if I can give you some advice, try to keep yourself busy when you're apart. The more you think about her, the more you're going to infatuate yourself with her, and you'll create all these thought stories that'll ultimately give you expectations. Expectations are never a good thing, especially in a relationship. Just live in the moment as best you can, worry about her when you see her, and focus on making memories in present time rather than assuming what might happen. I think love is a momentary thing, you feel it in your heart when you see the person and when you talk to them. A good sign when it's infatuation is when you're slaving for them and you can't be yourself. You do what they say, you try not to disagree or argue, you put off things that you want to/need to do to spend time with them. Let things happen naturally and go with the flow. Hope that helps 

Thank you. Yes, I think I sometimes expect too much outcome and keep thinking about it. And on really trying to make an effort to stay in the present moment, it's hard but I've been trying many meditations lately. 

I appreciate your thoughts on this. 

[drmiller100]

New Relationship Energy (NRE).   It is a thing.  And I think it helps some of us attach and open up and be vulnerable with a fabulous person. 

For me, it can be oh so much fun, and over time it does fade a bit. Sometimes the relationship fades with it but sometimes the commitment grows along the way and the relationship enters another phase and keeps going.

For sure you can condemn the relationship by metering the attachment - it becomes self fulfilling that you don't work out.  Or, you can live in the moment, and enjoy the journey and the fabulous person you are with.

[Shakazulu]

How long did it take before you got into a relationship after RSD? If you need a girlfriend, you shouldn’t even have a girlfriend 

[Theherosjourney]

@Shakazulu

14 hours ago, Shakazulu said:

If you need a girlfriend, you shouldn’t even have a girlfriend 

I still don't feel comfortable calling her my girlfriend yet tbh, although part of me likes to think she is already.

And I don't think I quite understand by what you meant there. Can you please explain?

[Shakazulu]

@Theherosjourney yea after the RSD program, you should take time perhaps a year in change to practice and embody the lessons! After that I’m sure you’ll be non-needy to the point where girls will be chasing you/ becoming attracted naturally. I guess that’s a better place to find “ love “ from right mate?

[Theherosjourney]

@Shakazulu Got you, yes I will give it  a year then.

To answer your previous question, I started reading pickup materials since May and have been tuning into RSD programs/contents for 3 months now. So I'm pretty new to it all.

 At least I'm glad that I'm aware when I start feeling needy every now and then even though I cant do much to change it every time. 

Also, I recently got Julien's transformation mastery program. Although that has hot nothing to do with pickup and girls, it has brought into my awareness the frame of scarcity vs abundance. And it's really helpful to let go of my infatuation for the girl which comes from a scarcity mindset.

[Shakazulu]

@Theherosjourney lol you’re not alone, I started on dereks 10 commandments back at May! I went to three in person programs, loved it! RSD is moving up, they have stage green concepts that correlate to pick up, even stage yellow  

[Theherosjourney]

@Shakazulu Oh cool. That's awesome! I've always wondered about Derek's cause the only video I've found of him is animations which were pretty interesting. Is he even a real person though? lol  

[Shakazulu]

@Theherosjourney  lol totally, he’s very real