Children of Divorce ( how to accept yourself)

[Brian KWJ]

As I go into this work, I realize the importance of having a loving household as you grow up. Unfortunately for many of us, we faced emotionally turbulent conditions in our childhood. This forum is about how divorce greatly affects your psyche to this day. 

[Raptorsin7]

My parents are not divorced, but they had an arranged marriage so not a great relationship either. I don't know how that affected my relationships but i'm sure it hasn't been good. Cool idea for a topic (:

[Ampresus]

It always has left a scar on my subconscious mind. I remember the critical moments when I was little and didn’t know what was going on. I heard screams and before I knew it the police arrived.

Currently it is not much of a pain in the ass, besides that I have to give my Sundays up cause the judge thought it was a nice idea for me and my siblings to spend the Sundays with my dad. Even though we all agreed we didn’t want to and testified against it.

My parents are both imperfect and ignorant. I am almost 18 and will instantly move out when the time comes. I have huge international plans and will at some point not look back at what is left of them. 
 

Just a few more years....

[Chakra Lion]

Before my parents divorced, we lived in a nice house in Germany, family life was great. 

After, my big brother and I would stay with my mom during the week, and my dad on the weekend. They didnt spend more time with us, instead it became much less, or they'd send us to babysitters or have nannies do most of the work. 

Quickly Mom married again, and she took us and the new guy to Florida. That man traumatized us, but mom only used him to get into the USA. After several months of living uncomfortably with him, we left him and moved back to Germany. That experience was enough for me to leave her and my brother, and move to Austria to live with Dad. He really just dropped me off with my Grandma, as he was busy starting a new life with the new step-mom and she was pregnant. 

Eventually I moved back to my mom in Germany, because I missed my brother, and soon after she remarried again to Step-Dad #2. He already lived in America, so half way through the school year, we flew across the Atlantic to call some new guy dad. He was also pretty crazy, mom obviously not making the best choices, so we left him after a year, and moved into some shitty apartment in Vegas. Literally a month later, Mom found another man, from South Dakota?!? Without ever meeting the man, we moved into his house, which was a blessing, because he saved us from poverty and who knows what. Lucky #3 I guess... 

So... To This Day, Divorce has affected me in several ways. I had been to 12 Schools by the time I graduated High School, making friends was easy, but keeping them, and caring for them is hard. The many times of leaving friends without byes, has build a wall, to keep people away, but also to keep myself from getting attached. 

The Wall also goes for Family. Not trusting and not letting them in, especially with Mom. But I love, thank, and forgive her for everything she did.  

But most importantly, it showed me that Love and Marriage are very fragile and breakable. It is easy to give up, to leave and forget. Thankfully my wife blessed me with her infinite love. Our Marriage is a partnership between best friends with benefits, continuously developing into heaven.  

[Hello from Russia]

@Chakra Lion  Very profound story, you seem to have a rollercoaster childhood, I feel for you man. Nice to hear that you have a happy marriage after the example your parents gave you. So you guys are not a monogomous couple?

[ivankiss]

My parents split when I was 3. They were never married, it was a high school romance. My mother had me at barely 18.

Since, I saw my father a handful of times. Not more than 10. He established a new family. Never bothered to reach out. Never called, not even on my birthday.

Been living with my mother, well, at least kind of. Since I was 6 she was working abroad and would be absent for months at a time. Meanwhile I'd stay with various caretakers, who did not give much crap about me, really.

We moved frequently. Never had a sense of home. At age 15, mother decided to move me to the country where she worked. New territory, new language, new people... And I was hitting puberty hard. It sucked.

She wanted us to be close after all those years, I guess. But that didn't work out well, since I got way too used to being by myself. Having nobody around. She also lacked emotional intelligence, big time. And the wounds were already too deep. Still healing to this day.

Thank God; I discovered my bigest love and passion at a very young age - music! It was my parent, my friend, my everything. I doubt I'd be alive without it. It guided me, protected me, nurtured me. I was all about music. Nothing mattered besides my guitar for a very long time.

It's still what I breathe for.

I would not wish my childhood on anybody. No child should be abandoned and neglected.

However, I also came to see beauty in my story. I found strenght in solitude. Burning passion and self-love. I can relay on myself, truly. I learned how to be there for myself. How to believe in myself. Take care of myself. Listen to myself.

It surely planted the seeds for a fast, deep and intense awakening.

I look at it as both a blessing and a curse. 

Today; I am happy with where my life's headed. It's an epic adventure. I moved to the other side of the world, far away from anyone or anything I knew. Everyday I come to know and love myself a bit deeper. I am also slowly developing a healthy connection with my mother - from a distance.

Things are good.

Living the dream I dreamed of as a kid. Writing my story. All thanks to music and its miraculous power.

 

Edited October 26, 2019 by ivankiss

[Matt8800]

@Brian KWJ My parents split when I was three and I rarely saw my dad while my mom worked full time as a waitress. I raised myself. In many ways, loved it and it was perfect for my path. I didnt want anyone telling me what to do and I needed to choose my own path.

I have a touch of Asbergers so that might explain my unique perspective. Raising myself taught me tremendous inner strength and to rely on myself.

Edited October 26, 2019 by Matt8800

[ajasatya]

@ivankiss Nice story. Looking back at disgraces and being able to feel grateful is a genuine sign of virtue.

[allislove]

My parents split when I was three... looks like a common thing in this thread.

Soon my mother found the guy-alcoholic... In general, I think I had normal childhood, that guy loved me, but for me he was mostly like a friend and not father. 

Anyway, I am grateful for childhood since I think due to divorce I had more love from grandma and grandpa.  

Edited October 30, 2019 by dimitri

[ivankiss]

@ajasatya Thank you