Online Dating

[Beginner Mind]

I've been thinking about looking into it.  I'm a bit shy so I figure sending a message over the internet rather than cold approach might be more up my alley.  There's also dating websites like "Spiritual Singles" that allow you to connect with like-minded people, which is cool.  Has anyone here had any success with online dating? Any tips?

[Leo Gura]

Online dating requires above average looks, REALLY good professional profile photos (no selfies), and massive volume.

Online dating requires serious work. You don't just put up a profile and start getting dates. You gotta game it more than real life.

Online girls are screening you almost entirely on looks because they have nothing else to go by. Your personality has no chance to charm them. In real life you can hit much higher outside your league with charm and boldness. This cannot be done online. The girl has to decide whether she will sleep with you purely based on your profile photo in 1 second.

If you're turning online because you're too lazy to do it in real life, chances are your results will be bad. Laziness is not a viable strategy for finding attractive females.

If you have a classically handsome appearance, you can do well online. If not...

[joeyi99]

@Leo Gura

 

 

 

 

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

 

If you have a classically handsome appearance, you can do well online. If not...

....Stick with real life

[Armand]

I wouldn't limit myself to just "spiritual singles," as you can find spiritual people lurking on any dating app. Why do you think it's so important to find someone that's within the exact same space as you are mentally!? You can grow a lot by experiencing all different types of people and gain more confidence/knowledge by dating around a bit. 

Online dating is great for introverted people. I see nothing wrong with it. I've even urged my friends to seek out their now partners by going online. Being able to type out what your ideals are to another person, helps in gaining insight to the other person's mind. Finding out their likes and dislikes ahead of time can help a lot with compatibility levels, and intimacy. My online dates have far exceeded those that are set up by any mutual friends irl.  

It's situational, but the girls in my area that are single are not exactly mentally sound, or I quickly find out they have had relations with someone I'm close with in the past. Not to mention, I find the bars around here to be quite irritating and kind of like walking into a sausage fest. Raves are alright. Conventions are usually decent places to strike up a conversation with new people.

Physical looks these days are not as important as you'd think to attractive women. The ladies I hang out with talk about "e-boys," (Attractive boys/men online) in a negative way. In college I always noticed that the funny chubby confident guys had the hottest chicks around them at all times. They eventually married those insanely hot girls. I'm not sure why, but all the hot/intelligent women around here settle for less early on and never leave their partners once they commit to them. Pffft.  

Be aware that there are a plethora of catfish now pretending to be attractive girls online, but then there are REAL women that can video call to prove their actually real. I wouldn't trust just an image online.  

 

[Beginner Mind]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Online dating requires above average looks, REALLY good professional profile photos (no selfies), and massive volume.

Online dating requires serious work. You don't just put up a profile and start getting dates. You gotta game it more than real life.

Online girls are screening you almost entirely on looks because they have nothing else to go by. Your personality has no chance to charm them. In real life you can hit much higher outside your league with charm and boldness. This cannot be done online. The girl has to decide whether she will sleep with you purely based on your profile photo in 1 second.

If you're turning online because you're too lazy to do it in real life, chances are your results will be bad. Laziness is not a viable strategy for finding attractive females.

If you have a classically handsome appearance, you can do well online. If not...

I can see how less of your personality can shine through online, but you do have the opportunity to send messages and convey personality that way, no?  But I see what you mean.

It's not that I'm lazy necessarily, I just think it would be easier to "approach" a girl over the internet rather than in real life.  I'm not the most outgoing/social person, so I feel like it might be easier for me to interact online.  But I could be wrong.

[Beginner Mind]

7 hours ago, Armand said:

I wouldn't limit myself to just "spiritual singles," as you can find spiritual people lurking on any dating app. Why do you think it's so important to find someone that's within the exact same space as you are mentally!? You can grow a lot by experiencing all different types of people and gain more confidence/knowledge by dating around a bit.

Good point.  I've thought about this as well.  "Could I be with a non-spiritual person?"  And the answer is yes, I could see that working.  Perhaps I could show her that there is more to life than meets the eye, and she could show me what "real life" has to offer.  Could be a beautiful match...

[Lynnel]

16 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Online girls are screening you almost entirely on looks because they have nothing else to go by.

The way you counter this is having a curated instagram profile showing great moments with tons of social proof. That helps.

Otherwise just stick to reality.

[Leo Gura]

20 hours ago, Beginner Mind said:

but you do have the opportunity to send messages and convey personality that way, no?

Not in practice.

I've split tested it. Doesn't matter what you write as long as you got the right profile pics. And if you don't, no amount of writing will help you.

Try it yourself. Create a profile using some random handsome white tall masculine dude's pictures. Write nothing at all. Just say "Hi". Girls will come a flocking. Then try that with your crappy selfies. Crickets...

Some guys have it SO easy online. You just need that classic look. Or very low standards. Of course if you're willing to sleep with absolutely anyone, you can get lucky.

[Leo Gura]

14 hours ago, Lynnel said:

The way you counter this is having a curated instagram profile showing great moments with tons of social proof. That helps.

Fun social pics certainly help. But those can be hard to get if you're a loner.

If you're gonna do online dating invest $500-$1000 in a professional photographer. It makes such a big difference.

[Display_Name]

22 hours ago, Beginner Mind said:

's not that I'm lazy necessarily, I just think it would be easier to "approach" a girl over the internet rather than in real life.  I'm not the most outgoing/social person, so I feel like it might be easier for me to interact online.  But I could be wrong.

Of course its easier, it's easier for literally everyone, which is why you have 1000x more competition and your results will be a lot worse. 

 

Look, I'll break it down. Due to biology (the ramifications of pregnancy) women are a lot more picky on who they sleep with. Add salt to the wound, theres also more men than women doing online dating. 

Result: women have an insane amount of options, men have very little. 

The supply / demand is completely fucked. 

Say you're a 7/10 in looks. From online, thanks to the slanted supply demand, you can date 5s. Approach in real life where supply demand is normalised and you can raise your attractiveness considerably through social skills and subcommunications, you can date 8s and even 9s that wouldn't give you a second glance on online. 

That's just how it is

Edited October 17, 2019 by Display_Name

[Beginner Mind]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Try it yourself. Create a profile using some random handsome white tall masculine dude's pictures. Write nothing at all. Just say "Hi". Girls will come a flocking. Then try that with your crappy selfies. Crickets...

  I'll take your word for it.  Perhaps what I really need to do is work on my social skills and approach women in real life rather than online.  Or maybe a combination of the two?  We'll see.

[Beginner Mind]

1 hour ago, Display_Name said:

Of course its easier, it's easier for literally everyone, which is why you have 1000x more competition and your results will be a lot worse. 

 

Look, I'll break it down. Due to biology (the ramifications of pregnancy) women are a lot more picky on who they sleep with. Add salt to the wound, theres also more men than women doing online dating. 

Result: women have an insane amount of options, men have very little. 

The supply / demand is completely fucked. 

Say you're a 7/10 in looks. From online, thanks to the slanted supply demand, you can date 5s. Approach in real life where supply demand is normalised and you can raise your attractiveness considerably through social skills and subcommunications, you can date 8s and even 9s that wouldn't give you a second glance on online. 

That's just how it is

Yeah, I may have to work on my bravery and approach more women in real life.

[Spiral]

I’ve noticed that girls that are really into you from the start are the once that you get somewhere with. You don’t charm girls via just texting.

When I say really into you I mean they’ll wanna met up within the first few messages and often give random compliments. 

[Leo Gura]

On 10/17/2019 at 6:20 AM, Display_Name said:

Result: women have an insane amount of options, men have very little.

This your self-biased projection.

You have no objective understanding of the challenges of dating for women.

[Dan502]

Make sure your spelling and grammar are on point.

Make sure your photos are recent.

Steer clear of women whose profile is a list of rules. 

Some women like to chat and have lengthy conversations online. Others don't.

 

[universe]

Ive had success with these dating apps but nothing serious has ever gotten out of it. It can work quite good when you travel.

It might help you when you are shy to get some dating experience.

Just set up a profile and start swiping and see for yourself. You can do both on- and offline dating. In the end all these apps do is connect two people. So it all depends on the person you are talking with.

[Peo]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You have no objective understanding of the challenges of dating for women

What challenges do women go through when dating men? I would love to understand that, because I'm not a women. 

If i had to take a guess i would say that they have to have big tits and a nice body to get more option with men. 

[ADD]

My tips:

Smile in the photos, don't try to look like some model.

Good photos, no selfies

Put effort in to your biography

Be playful and fun, don't ask boring questions. Drop the seriousness, online dating is about having fun.

Start the conversations

Be authentic

 

[Forrest Adkins]

On 17.10.2019 at 0:47 PM, Leo Gura said:

Not in practice.

I've split tested it. Doesn't matter what you write as long as you got the right profile pics. And if you don't, no amount of writing will help you.

Try it yourself. Create a profile using some random handsome white tall masculine dude's pictures. Write nothing at all. Just say "Hi". Girls will come a flocking. Then try that with your crappy selfies. Crickets...

Some guys have it SO easy online. You just need that classic look. Or very low standards. Of course if you're willing to sleep with absolutely anyone, you can get lucky.

 

Edited November 5, 2019 by Forrest Adkins

[Ananta]

@Beginner Mind I'd advise you not to chat with women that live too far from you. Make an acceptable range and stick to it, this way once you make a connection you can make a irl date so that you aren't just some pixels to her.

My sister had this rule and also would only chat for a week or two before saying she wanted to meet in real life. 

The other reason for this is that you might think your building something "real" with them when they may just think of you as someone online they can chat with when bored or lonely, because they like your personality, but really they never had any intentions of making it "real life" with you.

Yeah, ppl are assholes! (Men and women)

Edited November 4, 2019 by Anna1