Maybe I'm weird but when people are chatting about someone behind his back

[Nivsch]

I will defend that person in front of the group.

I dont know if Leo will think its connected enough to the forum. For me its maybe a regular argument with friends, BUT i feel that precisely this forum is the place that can bring out very smart insights that maybe i dont see now, and can improve my relationship with people and make me learn better about understanding social situations.

I think i understand well, but no without problems, and i really want to be more socially clever. Even tough its a very daily topic, i think that the conversation can be high quality!

The story IN SHORT:

I was not ok about someone in one whatsapp group and I didnt realize my talking about politics made him stressed and angry about me (i thought he was just "arguing" and debating). 

Now they dont want me back in the group even tough i apologized him. Actually they have like inner "clique" in the group (4 people in group out of 8 people) so now i know better why these 4 people dont want me back, even tough the mistake i did was only about one od them and i apologized ro him.

My friends in this group (real friends i meet in my/their home very often) were NOT defend me when someone started to talk very bad about me. It was shocking

Its uncatchable foe me. I would always defent my friends if it were them.

It just a whatsapp group. What a big deal??Yes, right, but it hurt me because is a tiny group of 8 people that im in it since 2014 and have social conversations that i liked and enjoyed. But now this clique dont want me to back, and i have real friends there (2 that are NOT in this clique).

Edited October 16, 2019 by Nivsch

[CreamCat]

The group has run its course for you. It's time to let go.

[Smurfinstein]

Doesn't sound like the group is worth your time or attention... also, and repeat it after me... political arguments on the internet (or WhatsApp) are a losing game. Always. No matter what. That's not even Self-Actualized talk, it's just straight-up laws of the universe. Sorry this happened to you-- if you feel called to, discuss it with your friends, in person, face to face. 

[Nivsch]

How a friend of mine that is much deeper than those silly superficial people wasn't defend me it still sound weird for me. He is has much more high values than them. Thats why it is surprised me.

@Smurfinstein @CreamCat your are right.

The need of people to be loved in a group with all cost is just probably survivle behaviour wired in us but i dont sure its convincing enough explanation.

I was lucky to scroll back two weeks in my friend phone (he permited me) to see it.

Edited October 16, 2019 by Nivsch

[SerpaeTetra]

Is that a complete sentence?  Maybe construct you titles better.  Also, avoid politics and religion when hanging out with friends.  Save those topics for people that don't mind talking about it or online.  

[Aeris]

Don't be needy. They loose you. You don't loose them.

Maybe your high conscious friend lack energy or is afraid to be a part of the ban by protecting you.

This topic and this experience show the conventionnal Dynamic of tribe.

Me I have this kind of tribe.

But I don't argue with people. Or I m right and true about being me or they loose me.

I don't have any neediness cause I know I can have new Friends and learn about new peoples all the time.

Why would you stay with people that doesn't make you feel great at least, most of the time.

 

[CreamCat]

2 hours ago, Nivsch said:

The need of people to be loved in a group with all cost is just probably survivle behaviour wired in us but i dont sure its convincing enough explanation.

Accept the fact that you are going to join and leave groups over time in one way or another.

Having multiple options makes you less desperate. Join or create a few high-quality groups so that being asked to leave in one group doesn't dismantle your entire social life. Don't put all eggs in one basket. Fortunately, you belong here as well.

Accept the fact that your friends didn't defend you. It is what it is. Being anxious about it is counter-productive. But, you can learn from your friends. Exploit your friends to grow yourself.

 

Edited October 16, 2019 by CreamCat

[Harikrishnan]

On 15/10/2019 at 3:35 PM, Nivsch said:

 

My friends in this group (real friends i meet in my/their home very often) were NOT defend me when someone started to talk very bad about me. It was shocking

Its uncatchable foe me. I would always defent my friends if it were them.

 

If it was you, you would have defended him, but you cant be him, dont expect to get treated like u treat them. 

6 hours ago, Nivsch said:

How a friend of mine that is much deeper than those silly superficial people wasn't defend me it still sound weird for me. He is has much more high values than them. Thats why it is surprised me.

Maybe one of his value is not to defend anyone. Maybe his values are so high that he knows there is no point in defending anything.

That watsaap group is not for you, if you are on self actualizing path. and try to avoid topic like politics and religion its not worth your time and emotion. Imagine leo talking concious politics 6 years back, people here supporting him now would have gone mad(maybe not)

[Nivsch]

On 16.10.2019 at 11:35 AM, CreamCat said:

Accept the fact that you are going to join and leave groups over time in one way or another.

Having multiple options makes you less desperate. Join or create a few high-quality groups so that being asked to leave in one group doesn't dismantle your entire social life. Don't put all eggs in one basket. Fortunately, you belong here as well.

Accept the fact that your friends didn't defend you. It is what it is. Being anxious about it is counter-productive. But, you can learn from your friends. Exploit your friends to grow yourself.

 

Thanks ill watch

And you are right

Edited October 17, 2019 by Nivsch