Why Would I Need A Girlfriend?

[Psychonaut]

Im in my early twenties and never had a girlfriend or sex with one. There was an urge to get a gf but it never really was a priority. After all I could always watch porn and masturbate. 

Then I realised how damaging masturbation is and quit it almost 7 weeks ago. I was hoping that would make me go out and get a girlfriend. Well my sexual desire is going down even more. Quitting masturbation made it a lot easier to meditate and pursue enlightenment.

I really don't feel like I need someone else to make me happier. I'm extremely happy as it is. 
I just feel that the further I progress towards liberation the harder it is going to be to find someone. 

It is already getting difficult to talk to girls, because some of them are so attached to their ego it hurts me. I would like to help them, but I know there is nothing I can do. I also don't really feel like brushing up their hurt ego every day. Sometimes I have to suppress laughing because the things they say are so mindbogingly stupid. Its no wonder they are unhappy and need a man to somehow fill all the gaping holes in their ego.

This all sounds like I don't give a shit about girls and in fact I don't. I don't care for all the stories in their minds, all the things they believe themselves to be. Just as I don't really care about all the stories my mind makes up all the time. I do care about the underlying person, not the illusion of the ego.

I went on this journey to improve myself and make myself happier. I'm making some progress and there are girls interested just because I'm happy and a mystery to them. It's just funny how now I'm like "meh whatever I don't really need this". Maybe my mind is just making up another story. That would be funny. I don't know, I really don't.

Edited May 23, 2016 by Psychonaut

[Falk]

I can kinda relate. Since i have a comparably low sex-drive, hunting girls was never my main ambition. At the same time whenever i realy was interessted emotionaly/sexualy i lacked courage to communicate since i felt inadequat under the veneer of beeing cool/happy/having no needs/stoic...

Be careful to not become a person that plays beeing desirable but "unavailable" (happy and a mystery, especially good looking men can easily fall for this one!) and in that way inversing how you initialy felt about women ("they are so desirable but i can´t get them")...and now this is your revenge  you know what i mean? stay true to yourself and if a women realy interessts you it will still take courage to tell her and one should express that ..it is healthy...and if you are fine without a gf ...also good.

 

btw...your "TO-DO-list" is funny... concerning your first point you should rename it in a "TO-BE-List"  

[askdfjnak]

@Psychonaut I know exactly what you mean. I don't know what to do either. It's a weird paradox. 

>you become more comfortable in your own being

>sexual desire diminishes

>confidence and compassion radiate out of you

>all of a sudden, women everywhere are looking at you with starry eyes

Do you ignore them? Do you help yourself to sex? What happens to your own ego?

If I sleep with egoistic women, how badly is it going to hurt them when they realise that I'm not playing the same game?

How badly will it hurt if I ignore them?

I guess this is just the next problem my mind is creating. It's tricky, though.

 

Monk lyfe:

1. Ignore bitches

2. Deny money

 

[Flower]

6 hours ago, Psychonaut said:

 

I really don't feel like I need someone else to make me happier. I'm extremely happy as it is. 
I just feel that the further I progress towards liberation the harder it is going to be to find someone. 

If you do not feel like you need anyone and you are happy then why do you worry about if it will be hard to find someone?

why do you 'need' to find someone- my point is that you don't

I feel like we are often sold this idea that as part of the normal human progression through life-you know- education, career, marriage family and so on... that it is normal to have a partner, and if we don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend we are somehow missing out or that we are not competent- I do not think that this is true.

I am telling you from my personal experience. I am single now, and working on self-development, and unlike other times where I thought about a better relationship or finding someone in time, this time I have really embraced myself fully and realised that when I am truly happy with myself I have no need to seek another. When I find myself slipping or falling into the trap of considering a relationship, especially when there is an opportunity - looking deeper I discover that it is only desire and I do not wish to disturb the relationship I have with myself particularly whilst I am trying to be a better person and doing self development. 

I would like to discover everything within myself and realise how much richness there is to this inner life, so that I do not need another- and If I do end up meeting someone, they will only complement the completeness of my being, not add anything to it thus removing the need for any dependence. 

@Psychonaut If you are happy as you are, do not worry about girls or helping them with their 'ego'. you can find happiness in your beautifully complete singularity, and with time you will be with the right person at the right time- and if not, that's ok too! 

 

[Telepresent]

Hello!

"I really don't feel like I need someone else to make me happier. I'm extremely happy as it is. 
I just feel that the further I progress towards liberation the harder it is going to be to find someone. "

I'm sorry, but I'm a little confused: this seems - at least to me - to be a massive contradiction.

"I went on this journey to improve myself and make myself happier. I'm making some progress and there are girls interested just because I'm happy and a mystery to them. It's just funny how now I'm like "meh whatever I don't really need this". Maybe my mind is just making up another story. That would be funny. I don't know, I really don't."

I would suggest your mind is making up multiple stories: about what is happening in these encounters (because you never know what is in someone else's head), about your responses to them (because you are sounding rather defensive), and why you are posting this here (because it feels like you're seeking validation).

Of course, you may disagree with me, but I feel like you're trying to work something out and so I don't want to mince words.

[charlie2dogs]

On 5/23/2016 at 3:18 AM, Psychonaut said:

Im in my early twenties and never had a girlfriend or sex with one. There was an urge to get a gf but it never really was a priority. After all I could always watch porn and masturbate. 

Then I realised how damaging masturbation is and quit it almost 7 weeks ago. I was hoping that would make me go out and get a girlfriend. Well my sexual desire is going down even more. Quitting masturbation made it a lot easier to meditate and pursue enlightenment.

I really don't feel like I need someone else to make me happier. I'm extremely happy as it is. 
I just feel that the further I progress towards liberation the harder it is going to be to find someone. 

It is already getting difficult to talk to girls, because some of them are so attached to their ego it hurts me. I would like to help them, but I know there is nothing I can do. I also don't really feel like brushing up their hurt ego every day. Sometimes I have to suppress laughing because the things they say are so mindbogingly stupid. Its no wonder they are unhappy and need a man to somehow fill all the gaping holes in their ego.

This all sounds like I don't give a shit about girls and in fact I don't. I don't care for all the stories in their minds, all the things they believe themselves to be. Just as I don't really care about all the stories my mind makes up all the time. I do care about the underlying person, not the illusion of the ego.

I went on this journey to improve myself and make myself happier. I'm making some progress and there are girls interested just because I'm happy and a mystery to them. It's just funny how now I'm like "meh whatever I don't really need this". Maybe my mind is just making up another story. That would be funny. I don't know, I really don't.

when you become self realized you will see through all the crap, and that behind the masks, you will instantly know what others are doing and what their intention is, you will know what they are going to do, you will know them by just observing them, reading their writing, listening to them they will reveal everything to you, and the reason is because your level of consciousness is higher.  Other people will be like an open book to you, and yes it will be harder to find a woman that you can be one with.  and for the record a lot of men need a woman to fill the gaping holes in their ego too, but generally its the woman that gets the raw end of the deal when dealing with a human identity pretending to be a man.

[ranzo1]

Okey,nice. But consider this option. Sex also means new life. Animals also do sex,this is energy of creation. This is so true to me. And it is important. Animals dont have social condition and do not feel wierd,or ashamed,or some kind of negative emotion. Why ignore that? If you dont feel needy , greath! This will help.  And pe playfull. Be with girls,hurt yourself,fell that, fall in love,feel that. Very big problem from this actualized,we constantly looking for answer. What should i do? Tell me,what should i do?  Try by yourself,that is real actualization. My invitation,try by yourself,be with some girls,and you will know. Really, you do not have much time ,because you will not be young for many years. And when you try that and you are not passionate for that,you decided what is most important to you. @psychonaut

[JustinS]

In your case it will be wise to be with someone that is on a similar path to self-actualization. 

[Markus]

I guess I'm in somewhat of a similar situation, with the exception that I'm not as deep into enlightenment work as you are. Confidence with girls is actually one of the egoic desires that motivate my pursuit of consciousness, though at the same time I acknowledge I possibly wouldn't give a shit once I actually do become enlightened.

In order to make your post though, you have to somewhat care. I imagine your problem is basically one of failing to live up to society's expectations and standards. I believe pursuing enlightenment is much more worthwhile than entertaining the problems your mind creates, especially since you're not there yet.

[Psychonaut]

The reason for my post was actually a girl that I really liked and that was really interested in me. She wasn't that hot but I still was attracted to her because she was different. Initially I was just being nice to her, a few days in we started kissing and making out. A week later we ended up having sex. I was disappointed. This was the first time I had sex. I kinda thought sex is gonna be better. I didn't want to have sex with her again. She wasn't really confident in her sexuality at all. I knew she could most likely never satisfy me sexually. 

I still talk to her almost every day. But she can't handle me. I was afraid that I was going to hurt her. I know it is not me that is hurting her. It is her own mind hurting herself. Yesterday she asked me what is wrong with me. Why I changed completely. She got really upset at me today. Was almost crying. She asked me if I had any feelings at all. If I was just supressing them. If I was too afraid of showing my feelings. She is getting really annoyed at me being what she calls "zenlike". What initially attracted her is pissing her of more and more. 

I also made the mistake of telling her what I think about and self actualization stuff. Initially she though it is entertaining and interesting. I'm beginning to realize that she only understood a fraction of what I told her. Now she thinks about things even more and it gets in her head even more. 

There were lots of oppurtunities to maintain the character I was initially playing or change to another one and maintaining that. I knew this girl is really emotional and in someway in need for emotional comfort/stability. I could have continued playing a character satisfying those needs. But I didn't feel like it. For who would I do that? Definitely not for me and in the long run it wouldn't serve her either. I still gained a lot of insight from this endevaour and don't regret it in any way. 

[ranzo1]

You think that for first time you will be really good,or be satisfyed ,when you do that for much more times you will know what you want from that and what you like. And also,we also have some kind of instict, we know what we want,but maybe we are confused . This forum will not give you answers. You are in charge,in life,you can do what ever you want and feels right for you.