Feeling detached after "nothing makes you happy" meditation?

[Nadosa]

So a few days ago, I started figuring out what to do about my neediness and jealousy and I found Rupert Spira to be very helpful. 

I decided watching and actually to do the 50min meditation. After it, I experienced like 2hours of full non-neediness and unconditional love, I was basically just happy with myself. 

But then, when I went to bed (it was way too late, like 1am) my monkey mind got active, telling me that I am totally lonely and detached and I was close to a panic attack, because it reminded me everything of being dissociated and depersonalized (what I experienced two years ago), unfortunately I believed everything my mind told me and I realized that I still have unconscious problems and fears I havent dealt with for a long time. Still, I love the peace the meditation brought to me but at the same time I feel like having strong identity attachments and therefore problems.

But right now, I dont have the courage to meditate again, it took me like full 2 days to get back into "life" as a "person"...How should I approach this?

[zeroISinfinity]

Yes no thing makes you happy. 

Meditation 1 hour everyday. ❤️

[Nadosa]

Thanks, but that doesnt really help me, because I am kind of afraid to go back into that state since my mind can really mess with it.

Edited October 13, 2019 by Nadosa

[zeroISinfinity]

You Will lose that fear. ?

Just keep practising. Want instant solution. When fear arises or you got yourself lost in this Just let go and do something else. 

[Nadosa]

I dont have the courage to meditate again. I feel threatened.

[Forestluv]

@Nadosa It's a balance between love and fear. Love yourself and be good to yourself. Sometimes loving yourself means facing fears and working through them. To free oneself of fear. What a loving thing to do! And we can do it in a loving way. . . Imagine a child afraid the dark because there is a monster hiding. The loving thing to do would be to help the child work through this fear and become free of this fear.  We don't want someone going through life afraid of the dark. And not just freedom of this fear. There is also beauty in darkness. Imagine never enjoying a star-filled night. . . We can help in a loving way. We wouldn't pretend to be a monster and scare the child at night. This would just traumatize them. We may give the child a night light and allow them to acclimate to the dark. Or perhaps read a story to the child at night as they fall asleep. Yet along the way, there may be some uncomfortable moments. 

I wouldn't push the meditation to the point of traumatizing yourself. Yet I also wouldn't create a scary story either. That just creates a whole new conflict and makes it harder to work through the original issue. . . Perhaps do a short meditation and sit with some discomfort, knowing that you are allowed to stop if it gets too intense. Or perhaps go out in nature and meditate, you may feel safer there. Or perhaps meditate with a supportive person or group. . .  Meditation isn't just an escape. It is also a form of introspection and some inner stuff may arise. This is a good thing. It allows us to become aware of inner turmoil and blocks. Working through this allows a healthier mind and body - it allows a new freedom.  I have gone through anxiety issues like you describe. Walking through it to the other side is liberating. It's worth the work and discomfort 

[Nadosa]

Thank you. I tried again. The habit came back. It is a strong defense mechanism and I dont really want to meditate again. But on the other side I want to...but this feeling is just too uncomfortable to face again.

[Swagala]

1 hour ago, Nadosa said:

Thank you. I tried again. The habit came back. It is a strong defense mechanism and I dont really want to meditate again. But on the other side I want to...but this feeling is just too uncomfortable to face again.

I feel like this is gonna sound inconsiderate but you could try the practice of "Letting Go" which Leo did a video on. Let go of needing to be comfortable or not wanting be uncomfortable. Let go of the, I guess, 'traumatic' feeling and thoughts that you get from thinking about meditation. Maybe even let go of feeling like you have to meditate. Meditate only to meditate because you want to. Inside, you probably know that meditation is good and can help, run with that intuition and don't think about anything else other than meditating just for the sole fact of meditating.

Hope you get through this temporary hurdle <3

[Eu Sint]

Nothing can make you happy, because You are Happiness.   Meditation is not a tool that will bring you happiness.Do not use it for this purpose, nor do you intend to achieve anything by using it, not even enlightenment.Otherwise you will be disappointed. To meditate means to sit still and observers the flow of thoughts without being attached to them, as if you were watching a movie but without identifying with any character.Stay still in this state of witness and become aware of it.Awareness that you are the consciousness behind the thoughts.The role of meditation is to make you remain aware of and in the present moment.?