Getting stuck in personal issues during mushroom trips

[StarStruck]

I’m taking mushrooms every two weeks. I noticed a clear trend where underlying personal issues pop up every time I take them; such as where I’m going with my life, my life purpose, my insecurities If I can do it and my personal problems like procrastination and laziness.  Obviously I’m not ignoring these and I’m addressing these. Is this stage normal? I would like to hear how others would act in my situation. Obviously there is a lot of personal things I need to sort out before I can even become enlightened and less self absorbed  It sometimes I feel like I feel guilty of not being there yet (where more enlightened people are). I don’t know how to deal with that feeling. 

[ajasatya]

@StarStruck Act upon them, for God's sake (literally). Make some serious changes and straight up your life. Take some responsibility.

How old are you? 18? 19?

[StarStruck]

14 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

@StarStruck Act upon them, for God's sake (literally). Make some serious changes and straight up your life. Take some responsibility.

How old are you? 18? 19?

I’m 30. I want to act upon them but my motivation doesn’t line up. For example some days I don’t meditate and I feel guilty. I’m planning to read one book very two days then don’t do it. I want to write and contemplate more in my journals but I rarely do. My Unconscious is sabotaging. I have the time and the ability to do it but there is a part who doesn’t. Most of the time he gets his way.  

[ajasatya]

@StarStruck There are 4 types of horses:

• Some horses just need to see the shadow of the whip to speed up
• Some horses need to listen to the sound of the whip
• Some horses need to feel the whip touching their skins
• Some horses need to feel the whip going though their flesh and touching their bones

That is an old Buddhist analogy. You seem to be the 4th type of horse. Behold your own suffering.

How low do you think you need to go before you implement those changes?

[StarStruck]

@ajasatya probably if I don’t have a choice. Like probably on the edge of being homeless or having no food (without others helping me). I usually really “do” stuff if I’m necessary out of my own unless if I power through without a lot of effort and misery. 

Edited October 12, 2019 by StarStruck

[ajasatya]

@StarStruck Good. At least you're aware of that. Nobody can help you except for your own despair.

[StarStruck]

I think I know what you mean. @ajasatya