I payed money to lose my virginity. help

[Bridge to Infinity]

@Winter 

My opinion:

Sex is just like shitting, sleeping, eating, socialising.

All the things i named above are built in needs. Sure if you go without sex or socialisation you won't die but you can be assured you'll feel secluded and wrong. It's human nature to want those things. Even if you you took a bunch of new born babies and caged them on an island they would develop sexual habits after 13-14 years of growth and frustration if they lacked sexual activity. So its not so much a "following of the masses" rather its a "following of your Biology".

 b.t.w attaining enlightenment can be used to outgrow you of those needs but that's a goal for the future. 

 

Edited October 15, 2019 by Bridge to Infinity

[Preety_India]

I don't think it's a good idea to start off like that. You would either not know how to feel in a relationship or you would have a skewed view of relationship with a huge craving for sex. Lot of guys do that sort of thing to feel manly in their teenage years and that's a huge price tag of a lifetime on that. It creates a different sexual attitude, being overtly sexual in a relationship means you cannot thoroughly enjoy a relationship for what it is or have a relationship only for a sexual purpose, that again attracts partners who are dysfunctional in the whole context of relationships. 

I just broke up with someone who had a similar experience in his early life and he gave me the impression that the only thing that matters in a relationship is the sex part which I completely disagree with. I would obviously want wonderful sexual experiences with him but that would never be the sole focus in my relationship. It's skewed that way. It's like hunger and ice cream relationship and that is not a normal relationship dynamic. You only rely on the partner for the "ice cream", but that's exactly what makes the relationship volatile and unstable and easily prone to cheating. How easy will it be for a man to find another woman sexually desirable especially if his marriage is centered around sexual pleasure and my would be partner who I broke up with already made that mistake. He left his first girlfriend for another woman who he found more sexually desirable but the first woman was very wonderful and he suffered horrible abuse in the second relationship he had. 

Sex is beautiful between lovers. There is no passing test for it. The whole anxiety around it is created by society. And that can lead to tremendous frustration. No partner can always deliver highest sexual pleasure just like anything else. Built up sexual frustration can lead to the demise of the relationship. 

There's nothing like bad sex between two lovers who love each other in the most wholesome way because they would give each other maximum sexual affection and all sorts of affection. 

So encouraging teens to have early sexual experiences is putting them on a path towards confused ideas about relationships and sex. Also preparing them for a future possibility of sex and porn addictions. 

If you have a sexual experience within the confines of a relationship that's completely fine because it's within a meaningful context. But having sex outside the context of a relationship is preparing oneself for a selfish path that seeks different elements of a relationship rather than the person or relationship itself. It's no different than having chats with random strangers to make up for the loneliness of not having a partner. This leads to seeking a certain thing rather than seeking a person. It's like seeking a random dwelling place rather than creating your own exclusive place you can call home. Such people usually end up with phrases like "hey I don't get enough sex in this", "you don't talk much" "we don't go out much" "you don't give me this or that" "you don't chat with me so I'll chat with someone else".... This is exactly the foundation for a divorce because relationship is about loving the other person unconditionally rather than sitting and calculating your amount of benefits you gain in it. When you love that person deeply, nothing matters the kind of sex or any other thing in the marriage, every activity is enjoyable as long as you get to spend time with that person. Because all you want is that person's love and affection and presence. So you would never get attracted to someone outside the marriage because you find your partner so special, even if other people find your partner not very attractive. 

By your logic, a fat person should never get a partner or have a relationship but that's exactly what is wrong. A true loving relationship does not see undesirable, fat or sexually lacking or no money or any other parameter. It is totally non judgemental. 

I have seen couples around me where one partner is obese and fat and yet they are extremely happy with each other. 

The joy of a wholesome relationship is not based on dating parameters and gains and losses. It is based on the warmth of having the person you consider family and soulmate. 

It's unfortunate that society has corrupted the whole notion around sex and because of it a lot of people are never able to be truly satisfied in relationships. 

Edited October 15, 2019 by Preety_India

[Bridge to Infinity]

@Preety_India

First of all, you could have said what you did in just a couple of sentences. LOL  (im saying this in a joking manner)

Here is an example of how it could of went:

Going after sex makes you objectify women. Wanting sex for sex's sake is bad because it creates selfish relationships. Being fat shouldn't get in the way of love. Bad sex between lovers leads to frustration and again wanting sex is bad because it makes people want aspects of a person and not the whole of the person. 

My judgement:

• You from a females perspective don't understand the frustration of not being picked by women to be their mates. For me, as a man, to be able to sustain love from a woman i cannot go about it by "having my dick shrink during sex" and not being able to make her orgasm. There are plenty of guys that can make her orgasm and make her feel ecstatic. You're ofcourse going to object to this and tell me that "No!! Women don't care about such things, they will teach you how to have sex and please them!" BULLSHIT. You don't understand the brutality of Nature. Women are selectors and they themselves do not choose whether to love a man or feel attraction for him, rather its her biology that does. If i, by social norms cannot convey a sense security, decisiveness, competence, confidence and high social status to a woman her attraction switch turns OFF. Why? its just survival. If females loved low status, incompetent losers that can't make them orgasm to save their life you and i wouldn't be having this discussion.

 

• Sex for the sake of pleasing that sexual urge you got is not "bad" it's like having the need to eat or shit or sleep. It's just biology running its course. I do however acknowledge that wanting sex independent of love and intimacy is something that can really damage a relationship. But then it isn't really a relationship to begin with.

 

• Being fat does hinder a mans ability to get into relationships and create attraction within a girl, especially if he does not have "Game" (this is a word that is code for a mans ability to flirt and tease and create emotions within a female).

You also seem to have this idea that romance "should" and "shouldn't" be this way... Let me tell you this. Unless you're a very successful dating guru that is revolutionising the way people date, preaching "Should's" and "Should'nt's" does not help me nor does it help you.

People will be people and you cannot moral them into not wanting to fuck without attachment

 

Edited October 15, 2019 by Bridge to Infinity

[Bridge to Infinity]

@universe

On 10/13/2019 at 3:04 PM, universe said:

It means girls you are dating wont expect you to be a sex god. So your way of thinking that you need to be "good at sex" before you want to get into a relationship puts unnecessary stress onto you.

Socialize and just stay confident. Id guess the biggest problem you have right now is your mindset. Notice how when you talk to others you already assume they wont like you, so you may not even start talking to them or break contact very fast. Notice how when talking to a girl, her giving you the slightest sign of not being interested makes you sweat. Even tho she might like you. So be chill, assume they like you and have fun.

Yes girls do not expect me to be a sex god. But it is that "having sex and being good at it" that gives one comfort in their sexuality, it gives one comfort to know that he can fulfil a female's sexual drives. This comfort is not only limited to the bedroom, in my opinion it spreads its elements into the relationship itself as well as in totally unrelated aspects of life. 

B.T.W Good analysis there in the second paragraph. Useful stuff thanks!

[Preety_India]

@Bridge to Infinity

I'm bad at articulation so my replies are long and winded. 

you are feeding into social bullshit. We have a gigantic population on this planet, thanks to women. If all women decided to pick men by aforementioned parameters of security, decisiveness, competence, confidence and high social status all women would have been Melania Trump. Nope. We have so many kids born into poverty every day because women choose to be with men who are broke. Be real. Maybe you are looking for a woman who is liked by all men and has an unusually high standards for men and in that case you will always meet with disappointment. 

Just regular average plain girls are way easy to date but most men don't want to look across them. They always want the stereotypical "babe"...Men only date down when the chances to date higher run low. 

Most regular girls are not considered a trophy or a prize and are just shunned or deemed not worthy enough for male attention and are passed off. 

Competition exists on both ends. It's unfair to say that only men find it difficult to date. Both men and women are selectors. If a woman tried to approach first, she will most likely be considered too desperate or a bimbo/nymph. A man wouldn't like that either. 

Females are mostly dummies. If they weren't, the whole world would have been full of rich kids by now. There are women who date jailbirds too. 

 

A man is less likely to date a woman if she is even slightly fat. That's a lot of men who dump their old wives for younger prettier women. Hence the body issues that women face. 

Women even stick with abusive partners hence the rates of domestic violence are still high despite massive awareness. 

In reality nature is brutal to both men and women. 

It's way easier to get a woman, all you have to do is be a lothario and manipulate her mind and her pea sized brain and weak heart dives right into it. 

Rich men only get more goldiggers, not really women. Poor men don't get goldiggers, they get the plain stuff which they are not really happy with. 

The kind of women who complain about a man's sexual performance in bed is probably the wrong type because she is not really into loving the man but satisfying her needs. Same can be said of the other gender. Men despise women who don't give them enough sex or get fatter or older with time. That's why all the plastic surgeries and a billion dollar cosmetic industry to make women stay youthful!! 

 

It would be wise to look for a partner who is non judgemental and committed which basically translates as 'real love.'

As long as you don't find true non judgemental love, your eternal quest for love will continue. It's hard and you have to be damn lucky to find it. When you ultimately do, it will be this one person with whom things like sexual performance, body image, wealth, social status, confidence will not matter at all and it will be pure joy unless you begin to judge that person as beneath you for having accepted you. Keep an open mind and an open heart. 

But remember one thing. The day you meet a person who truly loves you and doesn't judge you, don't be foolish and lose that person because a lot of men do that, lose the only person who ever cared and come back whining on the dating market 

 

Goodluck. 

 

 

 

[Bridge to Infinity]

@Preety_India

I obviously don't want to just fuck fuck fuck. If you read my original post i clearly state my intentions and those are wanting to achieve comfort to date and have sex and eventually after developing those skills i could find a high quality woman and stick with her. Im not a PUA sex nut.  

And no. Woman do pick and select men based on those parameters. Ofcourse women will eventually settle and marry lesser quality men (the term lesser is not based on wealth, although that can be the case but rather mostly personality) because the higher quality attractive men make up only 10% of the male population. And those men will take up roughly speaking 10% of the female population. so 90% are left menless as well as 90% of men are left woman less. People will settle for less. But believe you me if i woman could leave her low quality man for a higher quality man she would do it in a heart beat. Same for men.

I don't like to be rude. But you're posts are rather unnecessary and irrelevant to my problem. My views on relationships wouldn't turn out to be skewed if i got good at sex and was able to please a woman i like in bed. nor will i have a massive craving for sex those are just assumptions you make.

 

Edited October 15, 2019 by Bridge to Infinity

[Bridge to Infinity]

@Winter Im obviously not there yet.

[Preety_India]

12 minutes ago, Bridge to Infinity said:

@Preety_India

I obviously don't want to just fuck fuck fuck. If you read my original post i clearly state my intentions and those are wanting to achieve comfort to date and have sex and eventually after developing those skills i could find a high quality woman and stick with her. Im not a PUA sex nut.  

And no. Woman do pick and select men based on those parameters. Ofcourse women will eventually settle and marry lesser quality men (the term lesser is not based on wealth, although that can be the case but rather mostly personality) because the higher quality attractive men make up only 10% of the male population. And those men will take up roughly speaking 10% of the female population. so 90% are left menless as well as 90% of men are left woman less. People will settle for less. But believe you me if i woman could leave her low quality man for a higher quality man she would do it in a heart beat. Same for men.

I don't like to be rude. But you're posts are rather unnecessary and irrelevant to my problem. My views on relationships wouldn't turn out to be skewed if i got good at sex and was able to please a woman i like in bed. nor will i have a massive craving for sex those are just assumptions you make.

 

I don't think you need to be a sex God to begin a relationship. That would be a tinder kind of thing. It would be equivalent to a woman saying she needs a plastic surgery to start dating!! 

You are perfectly normal as you are. That's the crux of the problem you are facing. You are thinking that you cannot get a certain type of woman because of certain reasons and one of these reasons is sex. But who says that you have to be a sex God. Nobody. 

This insecurity is arising in you and causing you to withhold yourself from meaningful relationships. 

Sex has absolutely nothing to do with. Both men and women can be bad at sex in the bedroom. If your relationship gets impacted by the quality of the sex, then that's not a relationship at all to begin with. 

The point I'm trying to make is that you don't need anything in the world to have relationships. No skills at all. What you are possibly looking for is a a date and in the dating game all these parameters matter because that's how it's designed to be but in a real wholesome relationship these things do not matter. 

You have to be confident of who you are and what you are. Or else your insecurities will plague any relationship you enter into. 

And confidence does not mean that you have to go out of your way to prove it. It only means you are comfortable being yourself. 

And that way you find a person who is also comfortable being with you. Just chill. It's not a hunting game. 

It could be that your own fears are holding you back. Sex is a journey and not something like cooking you get good at. 

You are already approaching a woman with a negative mindset that she might reject you for not being good at sex. This could be a self limiting belief in you, an assumption that creates fear in you around women. 

You might very well find women who like you and accept you and you can sexually experiment with them in all sorts of ways. 

You kind of make it look like people who aren't good at sex just shouldn't be in relationships or just cannot get partners. It's nothing to do with it. 

Be confident and comfortable and when you find a loving caring partner you will never have to worry about your insecurities regarding sex. 

[Bridge to Infinity]

@Preety_India  @Winter

Seriously im annoyed by your unrealistic comments i don't want to go on responding to this bullshit. don't bother commenting anymore on this post.

Edited October 15, 2019 by Bridge to Infinity

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Bridge to Infinity said:

@Preety_India  

Seriously im really annoyed at your unrealistic comments i don't want to go on responding to this bullshit. don't bother commenting anymore on my posts.

It's okay if someone has a different opinion than yours or disagrees with you. You don't have to be so rude or worked up. This is a public forum where you ask questions and people can give a variety of opinions some of which might not resonate with you. And you don't have to respond to each and every comment from every user. People have the right to comment to a public question as they please and you cannot really tell them not to do so. If you do not like what people say, be chill about it and learn to let it go rather than being rude to me on a public forum. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Bridge to Infinity I feel this way to sometimes when people give me advice that doesn't resonate with me, because it references a perspective I clearly don't have. You have to realize people here can only give you advice based on their own experience, so not everyone will give advice that resonates with you. You just have to accept that the advice isn't applicable to you and move. Don't argue and try not to get angry. People here are trying to help, but i feel your frustration (:

[Bridge to Infinity]

@Raptorsin7 man u get me.

[whoareyou]

You couldn't get it up due to anxiety of having it for first time. Don't worry, a lot of guys get that.

If being a "virgin" bothers you, try finding a higher quality escort and be up-front about yourself. Tell her the truth, not only this will decrease your anxiety(or may eliminate it all together), but it will help her give you a better experience as well.

Sex makes up at least 50% of the relationship - so yes being good in bed does matter. Your advantage is that you are young and that you have quite a bit of time to learn that.

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Bridge to Infinity Haha thanks. I know you are very direct, and you expect that same level of clarity from others. But people on this forum aren't going to have the same writing and thinking ability as you. Be careful about coming off as rude, you don't have want to get a bad reputation on here. There's a lot of value on this forum, I think you can learn a lot (: Good luck my guy

[Bridge to Infinity]

@whoareyou Thanks for the great advice!

[Display_Name]

On 10/12/2019 at 8:34 PM, Bridge to Infinity said:

Facts About Me:

• I have never been in a relationship or kissed a girl.
• Im 18 years old.
• I have a small penis 5 inches and im chubby...
• I have low self esteem so its hard for me to make friends but i am extraverted (sense of humour and talking to strangers).
• Im also in a new city for college(starts next year) and i don't have any friends.
• I've never had any friends either. 
• I don't know where to go from here. 

Facts About Me:

• I have never been in a relationship
• Im 21 years old
• Socially anxious until around 19-20, now socially skilled but still get anxiety sometimes
• I lost my virginity at 20, also to a hooker
• I started Game. Learnt theory first from RSD, then UMP (a lot better). Started going out at night, found wings, applied it, got more social and learnt how to lead, set up a date, pull and generally move an interaction forward
• Now I'm pretty socially skilled, more masculine, and can get laid within a week with a new girl if I go out and try

So, you're two years younger than when I started. 

Now, first of all you're gonna get a lot of different replies here. A lot of it will be noise.

If I were to do it all again, I would focus on this:

1. hit the gym, do keto diet, lose weight
2. make sure fashion and hairstyle is on point (seek out help here)
3. find the "RSD Inner Circle" of your city for Wings
4. visit every college party you can. drinking some alcohol is ok. expose yourself, get social.
5. gradual progress, baby step it. get a pickup program, apply it step by step
6. like someone else said, seeing a hooker a couple more times until you really have a solid first sexual experience is probably a good idea. you can even pop a viagra to make sure it will work

 

What can I say, it's a long and tough journey, but I did it and so can you.

 

DM me for specifics if you want, I'm here to help

Edited October 16, 2019 by Display_Name

[Aeris]

got relation at 25.

from the perspective of young age, it was like "hell"

but now without any doubts, having a girlfriend before that is just "how to fail everything at life early".

yes that's sad to be a noob at dating and sex, but guess what, you don't loose your time, you're like Napoleon working on a bigger strat that himself.

self improvement can lead you to more than just "sex/dating".

it doesn't mean you are not attractive neither, mind is feeding you with your fear mechanism bs to explain "why why"

seriously just work on yourself, girl that will unfold at the right time, start working on dating later.

[Arcangelo]

On 10/13/2019 at 2:09 AM, still_no_satori said:

you've grown up watching a lot of porn with massive schlongs in

Yeah man that's me, as soon as i start having sex with real life girls they ALL told me my penis was big. I thought my penis was average.

ALL of them. It was cool to realize that i have a big penis.

BTW i am bragging, but i am not lying.

 

 

Arc

[Forestluv]

This is an old thread that has run it's course.

Don't make a mockery of the work by turning threads into dick measuring contests.