What I See?

[wesyasz]

So I have had a very hard time sleeping.
For a few nights in a row. Do not even remember for how many exactly. But it's been a real struggle.
So finally I have smoked a bit of weed to help me fall asleep.
It did a miracle.
I slept so well.
Was thinking all morning about it, why is that it is helping me to sleep so much?
Went to work.
Radio was on. 
I do not like radio, but there was a program about...
Marijuana helping with sleep trouble.
Bang.

[wesyasz]

I was hitchhiking back home from Edinburgh airport.
It's been a struggle, standing there for over an hour with no hope.
I've started to pray. 
I prayed for nice driver who will take me to great spot from where I will be able to continue my journey.
15 minutes later car stopped.
The guy was going east, but he said he will take me to Stirling (west), where I was going and said it's not a big deal only 30 minutes difference for him (!).
It was a perfect spot for me.
We started talking.
He was Indian.
I told him I've got married in India.
He said he's marrying Polish girl, and she is from Wroclaw (my home city).
Then added, that she is actually not from Wroclaw, but from Olawa (little town where I've been born and spent my first 20 years of life).
Oh, yes.

[wesyasz]

That's how my story with psychedelics has started. 
I've been really depressed with suicidal thoughts bombarding me from every direction after dealing first with lyme disease followed by 11 years relationship wall hit.
I decided to go do Ayahuasca with hope it's going to save me.
On a weekend I went to mountain bothy to face my demons - being alone without many distractions.
I couldn't.
Some Polish people appeared out of the blue. We've been chatting about different things. Until girl has asked me - have you ever tried any psychedelics? Because we have some lsd and there is one extra.
It's been a week prior my first planned psychedelic experience and I've never had anything to do with that before.

[wesyasz]

So there was a guy at work who was into Yoga.
We have been chatting about that every so often and he inspired me to do more Yoga.
I'm in the middle of Scottish nowhere, so I have been doing Yoga following online videos.
But he left to the big city. After a while I have dropped Yoga as felt too tired to keep going.
Several days has passed.
I decided to go back into it.
I have registered for (almost) free 14 days on Gaia.
I did Kundalini Yoga following video on it.
After this session I collected myself and uplifted left to work.
On my walk down somebody almost jumped on me from behind the road sign.
That was my yoga friend.
On a jogging session.
I assumed visiting home for a weekend?
Telling me he still keep up with yoga and he have registered for 2 weeks free videos online.

[wesyasz]

So I went for a music festival in the woods. 
Once I was driving down I felt an instant urge to find out my life path number and read description of it again.
My life path number is 9. I knew that already. 
But I needed to read it so badly again, that I was googling this stuff during driving even though it's forbidden to use your phone here during driving. But I had my phone attached to holder so assumed it's safe. Anyway. I did.
I met some people after festival to stay with overnight. We've been sitting in that girl's place and chatting. There was a guy I found interesting to chat with. After a moment he started telling story that he have got a whole book about your birth date numbers and your life connected to it.
No, I didn't say a word about that before him. 

Edited October 12, 2019 by wesyasz

[wesyasz]

I've been walking around doing some cooking at work as it's my job.
I work just with one other guy.
I have been feeling really tired and drained.
I would love to have a coffee, that's a shame I stopped drinking this stuff - I thought.
5 seconds later.
Do you want a coffee? - my friend asked.
Later same day,
Wonder if there are any Polish shops in Aberdeen - I thought, as I was going for a weekend up there.
5 seconds later. OUT OF THE BLUE
How supermarkets in Poland looks like?

[wesyasz]

I was visiting my friend in Edinburgh. I know she likes to smoke weed.
She's not a very close friend. So I was wondering a bit if that's ok if once I see her ask her if she could sell me a bit of stuff she has. I needed it for help with sleep by that time.
We've been texting before meeting. And she mentioned that we can meet after 9 as there is a guy coming from who she is going to get her weed.

Edited October 12, 2019 by wesyasz

[wesyasz]

So I was sitting in the evening doing my meditation.
I kept going.
Until STOP.
I just couldn't do this anymore.
Eyes opened.
I asked myself a question.
What does it mean? Should I see something?
I looked around.
Moved a curtain, looked through the window.
A star has just fallen.
I made a wish.

[wesyasz]

So I've felt really deep calling inside of me to go to India.
Don't remember if I've started watching Indian satsangs before or after this.
But I really felt it.
I went to climbing wall. 
Met some Indian guys and one of them started talking to me.
I came back home after climbing and there was a caravan parked on the same car park.
Go Indie. (Indie spelled exactly this way is Polish way of spelling India). The way to go.

Edited October 12, 2019 by wesyasz

[wesyasz]

Thinking a lot about what is happening in my life. Just browsing internet. And...

[wesyasz]

I have had quite uplifted period.
Even though I still had trouble accepting unacceptable.
But it was ok.
Until recently one day I started feeling overwhelmed again. Like. OVERWHELMED.
Suicidal thoughts started crippling in out of the space.
I made myself a cup of tea.

[wesyasz]

Thinking a lot of cacao beans. Are they good or bad for you? Cannot find decent research.

Neurotoxin - Addictive - Drug

Healing cognition - Boosting alertness - Superfood

Cannot decide.

Watching Truman Show.
Apart from feeling like Truman...
Truman drinks mococoa. World's finest cocoa beans. Grown on the upper slopes of Mt. Nicaragua.

[wesyasz]

I've had a deep conversation with my wife.
She have mentioned a situation from a few years back which included one of our friends.
I came back into that situation in my mind even next day after conversation.
The very same friend included in the story, she has texted me asking whats up couple of days later, even though we haven't spoke with each other for about 5 years.

[wesyasz]

Mirrored/reversed letters on card payment machine.

[Zigzag Idiot]

My processor just noted that your energy resembles contemporary Zen Master Brad Warner. I enjoy his books.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brad_Warner ??‍♂️

[wesyasz]

7 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

My processor just noted that your energy resembles contemporary Zen Master Brad Warner. I enjoy his books.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brad_Warner ??‍♂️

Thanks. Will check this out!

[wesyasz]

When placing bowls on the shelf on Saturday morning at work, a thought appeared in my mind that it's not very wise to use glass bowls in commercial kitchen environment, as it's so easy to brake.
We are closed on Sunday and Mondays, so came back to work after weekend.
My colleague smashed the glass bowl on the floor within first hour of work.

[wesyasz]

We were cooking at work and to my mind came situation from few months earlier when there was unusual order for 6 T-bones and we've had none, all in the freezer and we've had to defrost them to order. Within 2 minutes order from table of 8 came for... 7 t-bones. We've had 3. Rest in the freezer. Basically repetition of very unusual situation which memory of came into my mind a moment earlier.

There was another situation as well. Why cannot I remember it now? 
Oh I remember...

3 portions of monkfish.
18 pieces.
I cooked 19, one extra for myself I thought. I do not do that normally.
When they were taking these 3 plates away, one piece of monkfish fell from the plate on the floor.
That was... weird.
But I already had half of that extra piece in my mouth 

Edited October 15, 2019 by wesyasz

[wesyasz]

Barry is a mechanic in a village garage.
He looks EXACTLY like main character from "El Maquinista", the movie which I've watched years ago.

[wesyasz]

I have had just this sudden flash.
I have seen her in my 'imagination'. That was in India.
She felt betrayed just like me. She was just like me. Just like me.
I could so feel this moment.

- How much do I pay?
- 11.11

Edited October 16, 2019 by wesyasz