Spiritual Bucket List This Week - My Spiritual Life

[Preety_India]

Once you pick the vein, everything goes into a flow

 

 

 

I work intuitively.. 

 

[Preety_India]

Finally I'm having this under perfect control.

 

The only thing I need to is to chart out a good path 

I forgot to write about predatory behavior. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Trying to one up each other is a distraction

 

They hide under the guise of literary nonsense. 

Stupid trying to act smart. Been there.seen that 

 

 

Edited November 18, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I had to detect my own emotional disorder

 

 

[Preety_India]

On 11/9/2019 at 2:17 AM, Preety_India said:

Some more supplementary qualities 

1   saving time 

2  having strict order and discipline 

3 being sexually active 

4   being career oriented 

5 extreme self care

6  keeping a track of time

7 avoiding toxic people 

8  very shrewd

9  optimize tasks and time 

10 do not spend too much time in one particular activity 

11 put all your energy into a single goal 

12 be in the moment 

14  cleanliness 

15 able to recognize distractions pretty quick 

16   super active physically and mentally 

17 jolly humorous attitude 

18 mentally free 

19 not overly emotional 

20 happy temperament

21 serious attitude 

22 elegance 

23 witty and clever 

24 tact and diplomacy 

25 sexually attractive 

26 entertaining 

27 focused 

29 goal oriented 

30 strong will power 

31 grounded in his her values and principles 

32  serious when it comes to actions. 

 

 

On 11/9/2019 at 2:39 AM, Preety_India said:

People with supplementary qualities are also very upbeat and positive. 

 

 

 

On 11/9/2019 at 2:44 AM, Preety_India said:

Championship qualities are as essential as supplementary qualities. 

And masonic qualities are those that put these into motion 

 

 

 

On 11/9/2019 at 5:14 PM, Preety_India said:

And I will call this leader a sovereign. 

The one who defines all the qualities that are essential to be the ultimate winner. Not only is he or she great in terms of leadership skills and combat skills but also in terms of character and values and moral principles. And also strategy and witty nature combined with combatism and competitiveness. 

But also emotional and loving and kind ..... Kind of rounded on all sides. Talented, smart, beautiful, good values. 

 

 

On 11/9/2019 at 6:03 PM, Preety_India said:

So back to the whole leader's qualities thing.... 

I will not call it a leader though. I will call him or her a sovereign. I'm yet to meet such a person. I come across a lot of people every day through my personal experiences, online and through media but I haven't seen anyone close to the ideal of a leader or sovereign. Usually they disappoint one way or another. 

If I admire some celebrity next thing I know they are embroiled in some scandal. It's tough to not have a role model. I do look up to ancient cultures to derive some inspiration and people's behaviors in certain situations can be remarkably inspiring but they are not that way all the time. 

People change. Their values and behaviors change. The same person you liked once you don't like anymore. 

 

 

 

 

On 11/9/2019 at 6:46 PM, Preety_India said:

I need to focus on the qualities of a sovereign. 

 

I think God is someone who makes everything possible. Like they say God can move mountains. 

I know this hindi song in which they say a real winner is someone who wins the world with love rather than war. It's true. 

A true winner is not someone who boasts how great he is but is humble and quiet about it. 

 

 

On 11/9/2019 at 7:02 PM, Preety_India said:

Now I was focusing on the qualities of a leader. I am getting constantly distracted by the noise and chatter around me. So I m kind of scattered brained now. Hate this... Anyway. 

 

So looking up I saw one word that appealed to me and it's called archon a synonym to a leader. So henceforth I will call and use the word archon as a reference. 

Since I use a lot of classical terminology I hate to use the modern terms of context, but they look very manufactured to me and less natural. The ancient terms look akin to the description of a role perfectly set to achieve the intended purpose. So a leader would be more like a president or a ceo and in my mind they are not very inspiring to me, to me they are more like puppets of the system manufactured to play a certain role to suit the needs of the system and society. Such a person is not very innovative but a whore pimped out by the pimp. But that's just me. 

 

Hmm. Back to the concept of the archon. I got distracted again.. Jeez. 

Archon is a person who represents to me every quality that stands out. A quality that is very admirable. So enlisting them..

1 he needs to be sexually attractive and sexually powerful. Sexual prowess. Not just in appearance but a great performer in bed. 

2..  Great beauty 

3.. A body that's remarkable and strong 

4.. Totally fit and healthy 

5. Super energetic 

6.. Seductive. Master of Seduction 

7.. Focused. 

8.. Talented 

9..hard working 

10.. Unique 

11.. Independent and a sense of ego

12.. Humble

14 self respect and dignity 

15 romantic 

 

15 entertaining 

 

16 intelligent

17 truthful

18. Honest 

19 mature

20 clever 

21  empathetic

22 loving

23 skeptical and critical thinker 

24 objective or goal oriented 

25 kind

26 charisma

27 gentle 

28   real and authentic 

29 caring

30  wise 

 

 

 

On 11/9/2019 at 7:21 PM, Preety_India said:

I will be describing qualities of an archon in detail every day as to what makes an archon a powerful winner. 

There will be many facets to be considered 

Physical 

Sexual

Social 

Career work 

Competitiveness

Character

Ambition 

Success 

 

 

On 11/9/2019 at 7:39 PM, Preety_India said:

These qualities will be divided into many parts 

• Superlative 
• Sublime 
• Transcendent

Examples

Superlative - the quality of being victorious and talented and goal oriented. An ambitious driven passionate competitive artist or worker or boss is an example 

Sublime - a generous helpful kind graceful obedient and hard working positive and perverant person is an example 

Transcendent - a person who is enormously empathetic and sacrificial and deeply loving and non judgemental and spiritual and or psychic. 

{People praise behind the back but criticize in front.} 

 

On 11/9/2019 at 7:50 PM, Preety_India said:

So now the qualities are categorized into many parts both by aspect and role 

A general outline of the qualities of an archon 

 

A short summary 

???Catergorywise or by Role

?Championship qualities 

?Masonic qualities 

?Supplementary qualities 

???Aspect-wise or by aesthetic nature 

?Superlative 

?Sublime

?Transcendent

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

On 11/11/2019 at 7:54 PM, Preety_India said:

I want to feel more confident and responsible from now on. I have a lot to work on. 

Today is the start. 

I need to keep the date in mind. November 11

 

On 11/11/2019 at 8:35 PM, Preety_India said:

I'm planning to make my own focus cards

 

 

 

 

On 11/12/2019 at 6:18 PM, Preety_India said:

If the whole thing about sex is not healthy it can lead to a lot of problems like doubt, worry,fear, guilt,shame, insecurity, deprivation, perversion, resentment, frustration, panic, seclusion, distress, abnormality etc. 

 

 

 

On 11/12/2019 at 8:51 PM, Preety_India said:

I need to work 5 areas now 

• Extreme decency 
• Maturity 
• Non aggression 
• Coping mechanisms
• Overcoming and deflecting a situation and focusing on a goal. 
• Turning pain into positivity 
• Detachment
• Celibacy 
• When a person triggers me in a relationship I want to let that threshold be higher. Let that person do something more to get me triggered. This will work as a reverse safety net. 
• I also want to learn psychological tactics and techniques to understand another person's mindset and have greater emotional control and judgement before I react
• Another thing I want to work on is emotional outburst. So that the other person is not able to use my emotional vulnerability against me... 
• Preemptive reasoning and preemptive understanding of the consequences of what you put out there and how you react and the consequences of your actions/reactions... Preemptive focus and maturity. 
• Supercharged brain that is super alert and quick in preemptive assessment of the big picture and evaluation of the progression and consequences of such a picture. (without making the mistake of jumping the gun) 

 

On 11/12/2019 at 9:31 PM, Preety_India said:

Another thing I want to focus on is becoming aware of reality from an empathetic angle...

 

And the other thing .  .let go of control....big time. . Let go of control and the need to please and the fear of being abandoned or rejected. Borderline tendencies. Feeling constantly inadequate. Need for appreciation, acceptance, validation, attention... And getting upset when these are not given and feeling deprived. 

 

I would like to say here since I know a lot about abusive relationships I will classify borderline behavior into two types. 

Primary borderline and secondary borderline. 

I'll talk about this later 

 

On 11/13/2019 at 0:15 PM, Preety_India said:

So today a new chapter finally begins. 

And I'm hopeful that finally this will be something good.

Trying to focus on whatever I need to be doing . 

My focus cards are helping me 

 

 

On 11/13/2019 at 4:17 PM, Preety_India said:

The Ayahuasca tea and everything wow it was good. 

Feel better after I woke up  

Like very grounded but still floating in terms of imagination. 

I feel very forgiving now. It's intense. I feel a certain kind of music touching me.  

It's like this. I will record this in the other journal. 

 

 

On 11/13/2019 at 4:31 PM, Preety_India said:

I have come to a massive massive  awakening in my life..... After a lot of crying and all the tripping.  

Only reality matters. Only and only reality, no matter how bizarre, how false, how constrained, how unfitting and contradictory..... Only reality matters in the end. 

 

 

 

My reality.. Your reality. His reality. Her reality. Their reality. 

... Only that is true.. 

 

Through the tears...... 

Accept reality no matter how bitter it is.... 

 

Accept and understand how things are. Let go that needs to be let go. 

Understand what your body needs. Understand the bigger picture. The STRUCTURE NOT THE CONTENT. DON'T GET ANGRY AT THE CONTENT. SEE THE STRUCTURE. 

LOOK at it from above. See what can be done to change things that suit your life purpose. Don't be stuck in the content. Be set on the structure 

 

Forget good, evil, right, wrong, me, you..... Just know that reality will be what it is. 

Let go. And let things be good. Let the beginning be towards a better end. You can only do so much. Rest leave to God 

You can't have everything. Understand limitations. 

 

On 11/13/2019 at 9:47 PM, Preety_India said:

I'm looking forward to a brand new future. Of beauty and transcendence. 

Leaving my old cloak behind 

I'm now going to use another concept in my life and I will call it the big focus concept 

Having the bigger picture of reality in my mind all the time 

'....' are very negative. This negativity should be kept away. 

Negative energy impacts life in a huge way. 

 

 

On 11/13/2019 at 9:53 PM, Preety_India said:

 

 

Having the bigger picture of reality in my mind all the time

This concept I will call the Rubik's cube concept 

 

 

On 11/13/2019 at 10:55 PM, Preety_India said:

The traits which I observe is 

• Self centered
• Super productive
• High achiever
• Great strength and abilities
• Low on emotions
• Obsession with work 
• Practical and realistic
• Maturity and decency
• Non aggression 
• Opposite of borderline 
• High definition thinking...big picture thinking 
• High on preemptive reasoning
• Some degree of narcissism
• High ego to the point of hubris 
• Move on swiftly. Things happen fast
• Don't sit with something for too long. Want everything to work out super fast and immediately come to judgement .
• High risk taker 
• Kids are toys
• No patience
• No depth with respect to spirituality and character 
•  

 

On 11/14/2019 at 3:47 PM, Preety_India said:

Two things that I want to focus on 

• Is to focus on something objectively and rationally
• To have intense love and passion in life ...and support and positivity 

 

 

 

 

On 11/15/2019 at 0:56 PM, Preety_India said:

I'm planning to sit and meditate with Andrew.. He has weed. I can do that too. Last time we hung out we smoked some weed and it was pleasant. I felt great especially with him. He also gave me a bunch of Ayahuasca sachets. 

He is all into the psychedelic thing which I love. 

 

On 11/15/2019 at 1:01 PM, Preety_India said:

My main agenda this week 

 

Stay away from negativity 

 

 

 

On 11/15/2019 at 1:17 PM, Preety_India said:

Facing your inner toxic patterns 

 

 

 

 

On 11/15/2019 at 8:14 PM, Preety_India said:

I'm enjoying the company of my therapy group. They are awesome. 

I feel wonderful. 

 

 

On 11/15/2019 at 9:00 PM, Preety_India said:

This is like short stint in rehab.. Plus I'm also thinking about going camping. This will be like a retreat... So I'm thinking about two things in mind.. 

One is rehab and for a short time. Plus attending group therapy which is going great already.... 

 

The other is going for a short retreat. 

I'll be going to this place. It's awesome. I might have to travel a bit longer to get there but it's gonna be awesome. 

 

There I can do meditation for a full long day and even for a week. 

Plus I will drink a lot of coffee lol. It's winter. 

 

I just want to relax and just be there and enjoy nature and practice spirituality. It's gonna be awesome.  I can't wait 

This is the place I wanna be... Just free and meditating under a tree and drink the stream water. Don't care if it's contaminated because I just love natural water. 

 

 

On 11/16/2019 at 1:16 AM, Preety_India said:

...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 11/16/2019 at 6:55 PM, Preety_India said:

Time to build a wall

As high as my heart wants it. As strong as my mind can build ....

You'll never be in my life again 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 11/16/2019 at 7:40 PM, Preety_India said:

 

 

That thing right there.... Perfect.

 

Closing off is sometimes better than opening up. 

 

On 11/16/2019 at 9:39 PM, Preety_India said:

It's time for me to take an exit 

I'll sometimes use code words for certain things I want to do. 

Like right now I feel like saying coffee break 

 

On 11/17/2019 at 2:25 AM, Preety_India said:

Time to write code words. 

I remember the date 

 

It was May 7...I was really pissed off at my boyfriend. 

I wanted to break up. I just took to a random chatroom venting out my frustrations. 

And the response was good and I came back to coffee break site. 

This was somewhere around May 11.  I was having a real tough time emotionally because me and my boyfriend had been fighting a lot in that week. 

From may 11 to may 17, I had a pretty bad experience on the coffee break site. It got really personal and it was middle of the night and there was this heated argument between me and this coffee guy . He was being hopeless really indecent. Really weirdo shit. 

That was an early experience to avoid coffee guys. 

It was scary. Like a stalker profile. 

 

I had to grow out of it pretty fast. 

I blocked that dude. 

Then I was trying to come back to normal in the days leading up to the arrest on may 24. But I had made up my mind by then. 

 

May 24 was when he was arrested. 

That's when I lost it. I lost my mental control. 

I was having a meltdown situation because things were emotionally tensed. 

This horror show continued till mid June. 

 

By July first week my condition returned back to normal. 

November 12 was finally when I had enough of this toxic shit and I broke up. 

 

So far so good.

But a lot needs to be done. A lot of the damage needs to be undone. 

 

On 11/17/2019 at 0:27 PM, Preety_India said:

Staying away from negative energy

 

 

via Imgflip Meme Generator

 

via Imgflip Meme Generator

 

 

 

 

On 11/17/2019 at 5:37 PM, Preety_India said:

Another thing I will need to focus on is

Self control

 

 

 

10 hours ago, Preety_India said:

How did I go through that ordeal 

One is 

• Positivity
• Having a bigger heart 

 

 

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 

Spirituality causes increase in awareness

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm sorry I can't do that. I need to move on..... 

 

 

Andrew is a great guy 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 18, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Andrew has been calling me a lot. 

I like his conversations. His voice is..  

Very soothing. 

I like how responsive he is to me. 

 

Like the exact response to my question or doubt. Always on point. Like he can almost read my mind. 

Amazing 

 

 

We share a great chemistry. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

A crutch. A coping mechanism for dealing with real time bad men... 

I will call it teddy bear philosophy 

 

 

 

Edited November 20, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

After the breakup I'm coping really good and Andrew is helping me big time. 

He knows what I have been going through. He has been very supportive. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm going to write about passive aggressive behavior just as a reminder 

 

• Invalidation 
• Contradiction 
• Blame
• Gaslighting 
• Emotional aggression 
• Entrapment 
• Deliberate confusion or open ending 
• Infantilization
• Trivialization
• Name calling 
• Mocking 
• Breaking boundaries
• Ignoring 
• Silent treatment 
• Bipolar push pull 
• Guilt tripping 
• Eliciting empathy 
• Emotional blackmail
• Harassment 
• Hypothesizing 
• Testy 
• Disrespectful of space 
• Isolation

Edited November 20, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Would he have said like that or done that to his son? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I don't want a bad guy please please please 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Me and Andrew are getting along really well. 

He is so passionate. I like that. 

Yesterday it was so cold when we were sitting in the park at night. Just before midnight. Like heeeee cold breeze. Tingling and shivering. We were laughing so hard. It was the best night ever. 

I like when we spend time like this. It's not really romantic just like buddies. 

But we feel that tug. He is awesome 

He can literally read my mood. 

I liked his black jacket. 

[Preety_India]

I wanted to talk about fatal self esteem and low self esteem and normal self esteem and high self esteem

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I have suffered the biggest heartbreak of my life. 

I have never begged any man to stay before. 

This was the most important relationship in my life. 

I thought you were my soulmate. But you stabbed me. 

 

The breakup was really painful. My heart was broken very badly. 

Love is not a game you play. At least it wasn't a game for me. 

The breakup shattered me to pieces. 

And no I'm not coming back no matter how much you miss me. I just want you to know that I will never be a lover again because my heart is broken very bad. 

Maybe you are manipulating me. It's not okay Joe. It's not okay. Don't do it. 

[Preety_India]

I'm sorry but that won't happen again. My heart can't be a lover to you again  .  but there was a certain coldness in you that put me away. Our relationship as lovers is ruined forever. The fire has been put out. I love you but I can no longer be your lover after having been hurt and discarded

 

People who are really in love don't use others 

A man who is honest with his intentions is the best man. But then again I won't ever trust a man again. So doesn't matter anymore. 

Edited November 23, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

You gave yourself away lol when you said that..... Hey cheater... Hahaha. Gotcha 

 

 

When the truth about a man is pointed out to him, he gets so pissed off. Funny. 

Edited November 23, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Bringing back balance is a concept I wanted to talk about last night. 

Where it's bringing balance to a structure. The structure you live with. And fine tuning it to balance and bringing it back and nurturing it to how it always was. Fighting obstacles and reducing and minimizing impact.

 

 

[Preety_India]

The other thing I wanted to learn about in terms of a spiritual paradigm is ego tripping. 

Is this worthwhile. 

Does it help 

Maybe sometimes with self esteem. 

Sometimes like ego tricking. Like tricking others for your ego needs. This will be so psychopathic. 

I will call it inflating ones ego. I think this is also an important predatory behavior.