Spiritual Bucket List This Week - My Spiritual Life

[Preety_India]

Edited November 15, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

It's been 3 days now. And I have almost gotten over him finally.its been hard. Very hard. 

But I'm coming closer to getting over him completely. 

Once the emotional impulses are gone or subsided I will feel much better. 

I tried ranting, venting , sitting in the bathroom, crying into the pillow, listening to emotional songs, throwing it all out , getting the pain off my chest as much as I could ...after this purging for last 48 hours , I'm getting to where I am feeling sober....

I am okay now. The emotional purging helped a lot. Bottling it up inside is no good.. it makes healing difficult.

 

 

But I know I'm strong.  I will get over it. I just need to be a big girl now and let it all go..  

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm so frustrated 

[Preety_India]

I wish I never had to do this 

 

 

[Preety_India]

He killed me for it 

It's bipolar neediness. 

 

Either its a psychological disorder that is like a blanket covering and dictating the emotions. 

Or it is the emotions that can't express because of the psychological disorder. 

I feel like it's the first. Which deep down it's all empty. It's only a psychological disorder that's creating a temporary neediness and feeling of love. Just temporary emotions like it happens with psychopaths. 

But it's not the second one. Where the psychological disorder is eclipsing the real emotions buried deep inside. It's not this. 

That's bipolar love. Not real love. Bipolar neediness masking itself as love. 

It's terrible.. 

The emotion feels real because the mind is trapped in that neediness. 

Real love shows in a real need. Not need triggered by external needs of sex and comfort.. A real need to love selflessly.. 

Real need is intrinsic and is ever present like a thirst that never quenches. 

Psychological needs are just assigned and are like dependent on the context and the intensity of a moment. They have nothing to do with a heart. 

A real heart feels pain 

 

This is like a psychological thriller between the mysteries of the mind and the heart. 

When the mind wants what it wants it mimics the emotions of the heart and plays it out to elicit an emotional response . This emotional response mimics the emotional response of a heart 

But true emotions are different than mental responses. They are no disguise .they are eternal. They are spiritual.

Only a great man with a great heart can love a woman truly and unconditionally. Rest are only hunting and gaming. That's not love, thats an attraction game

True love is eternal and spiritual. It doesn't change. It only grows. It may not materialize. But it's not untrue. 

 

Edited November 14, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

This is called deeper spiritual understanding of life. 

True love does not abandon. Does not leave. But a job does.  

Things aren't permanent. But true love is. 

I saw his true colors today during a recorded conversation. I'm baffled. 

To me love was not a transaction. But for him it was a transaction. I thought it was true love. 

How interesting is karma. He gets his karma 5 days after the breakup. How strange. He loses everything. Just everything. He is left with nothing. 

He was completely flippant with me. Now when someone else is flippant with him he is surprised. 

What a jerk. Now he is sitting hopeless. 

Maybe he still pines for me.. 

Listen... I'm never coming back to you. It's over. Once and for all. You are a user. You used me for your needs and much more. 

I didn't know why you were acting strange and attacking me. Now I exactly know why. 

I was right when my intuition told me that. It told me the right fucking thing about you. I was nothing but a puppet to you. 

Well I know better. 

You lost me forever. Regret all you wish. I'm not coming back. 

Your life will be a series of regrets. 

Keep convincing yourself that you don't regret anything. Because you are so selfish, you can't own up to it. 

You did all this drama with me for so long for the most cheapest motives. Now be glad. You lost everything 

He sacrificed a woman who stood up for him all along just for a fking training program. How selfish can you be. .. I see right through you. You are so cheap. You said you sacrificed everything for it including smoking, weed and me!!! Great...maybe you could have sold me for a pack of cigarettes or weed. Is that how cheap you are. Then my sister was totally right about you. Yep. If you could just abuse me to avoid a night conversation or because I dropped your $2 weed pipe, you could of course do a lot cheaper than that. You are a sellout.  And you say tykes are bad. You are worse than them. You showed your true colors. I lost all respect for you. Go cry and bitch to your ex. She dumped you too. She is no good either. She swiped clean your bank account and dumped you so that she could wash her hands off you. Tragic!! She got her way out and you call her a pig. Funny. She is equally selfish. Both of you were a good match. You call her selfish and what are you... You are worse. At least she is a woman. Plus she did a lot for a loser like you. She paid your bills. After you drained her dry. Now she is better off. Exactly how manipulative can you really be. You are a cheap piece,fake as  a two  dollar bill, cheaper than a dime. 

My sister was right when she said you are not a good person. She knows your moves. 

 

 Because your intentions were never genuine. That's why.

Thank God I dodged a bullet. God saved me. 

I am glad Andrew was supporting me all the time. 

Edited November 14, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

It's a new day now.... 

 

 

I have to constantly remind myself... 

There are other people also..... There are other people also.. 

There are other people also 

Andrew will be coming to my place today to help me sort out stuff. 

He has been so supportive and sweet. I'm beginning to fall in love with him. Last time he got me chocolates lol

 

Edited November 15, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I'm planning to sit and meditate with Andrew.. He has weed. I can do that too. Last time we hung out we smoked some weed and it was pleasant. I felt great especially with him. He also gave me a bunch of Ayahuasca sachets. 

He is all into the psychedelic thing which I love. 

[Preety_India]

My main agenda this week 

 

Stay away from negativity 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Hey,,,,, if you think I have got you on my mind, sorry I have bigger fish to fry. 

 

You have drained me. And I need to move on and focus on myself. 

So Yea you think that I'm some cold hearted bitch, but that's okay, I don't need to impress, I can choose to move on and live my life. 

I got my own stuff.... 

[Preety_India]

Facing your inner toxic patterns 

 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

30 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

My main agenda this week 

 

Stay away from negativity 

 

 

?

[Preety_India]

I would want this to be played at my funeral. 

 

With his first hello.... This was the story of my Life.. 

 

 

 

My heart breaks with tears when I hear the words 

" She fills my heart"

Because once upon a time .

 

He filled my heart the first time our eyes met. 

 

 

 

I will meet you in heaven when I am gone. One day I'll be united with you. One day in heaven I'll be united with my soulmate. There won't be any fights.  

It gets lonely living this way always loving and breaking up..... 

 

What is love without pain..... The one who never really fell in love will never feel the pain.... How fickle is such a heart...

I can always have new relationships,new beginnings but I thought you were the true one ,that's how it was to me , you said to me "I'd rather go blind than see you walk away ".......that touched me deep. Because nobody had ever said that to me ever before...people say "you look beautiful" " you are funny" and "I like you" ... but nobody said that ...

 

True love lies in greatness. 

But I'm fortunate that even if it didn't work, I felt real love for once in my lifetime.... 

You were the Romeo And Juliet of my life. You were special and you will always be special even though I wasn't special to you in the same way  you were to me.....

Love can't be measured by how much you can give. ..by who you are and what you got ....

 

Love is simply love...

But you were my soulmate. And breaking up with you was almost like breaking up with myself. A part of me was lost forever....like losing someone ...

 

 

 

 

Get angry at me now..get mad at me....I will always love you inside me ...even if I left you... it was never meant to be.... 

You haven't really lost me. I know...

True lovers never really lose each other. 

 

I pray your life works out..that's all I want. Is you to do well.....

Bye for now...meet me in heaven ..I promise I won't complain..

 

 

[Preety_India]

Says that he loves riding horses. What a joke... And the whole pink girl lol

 

 

" I like Shugga.. Not you"....... 

 

 

Like seriously 

Hahahah. The dream though. My heart pounding and everything... Now. I laugh lol.. What a jerk!!!! 

Always read jerk flags.... Not acceptable at alll.... I mean fuck. Off... If you don't know appreciation... And don't call respectful people cucks.. 

I am attending therapy. And a lot of this team is helping me a great way. 

Andrew is an expat

I don't want their real names to be revealed. So I will give them some names  The team thats helping me.. 

So the therapy group consists of these.. Real names hidden. All of them are dealing with their own psychological demons and issues. 

Chavez. Really friendly. Just like Cindy. In fact he reminds me a lot of Cindy. Talks like her. Very direct.. 

Hart...super cool.. 

Thomson...this guy is insane. His arguments are so sharp. He is so calm all the time through the session. 

Austin.. Very intelligent 

David.. Smart

Lorna.. Sweet passive 

And Christy.. My psychologist and head of the therapy group. This woman is mega strong. Mad respect. 

 

 

Edited November 15, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I'm enjoying the company of my therapy group. They are awesome. 

I feel wonderful. 

 

[Preety_India]

This is like short stint in rehab.. Plus I'm also thinking about going camping. This will be like a retreat... So I'm thinking about two things in mind.. 

One is rehab and for a short time. Plus attending group therapy which is going great already.... 

 

The other is going for a short retreat. 

I'll be going to this place. It's awesome. I might have to travel a bit longer to get there but it's gonna be awesome. 

 

There I can do meditation for a full long day and even for a week. 

Plus I will drink a lot of coffee lol. It's winter. 

 

I just want to relax and just be there and enjoy nature and practice spirituality. It's gonna be awesome.  I can't wait 

This is the place I wanna be... Just free and meditating under a tree and drink the stream water. Don't care if it's contaminated because I just love natural water. 

 

Edited November 15, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

This will keep my mind off the emotional stress. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 15, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

These nightmares are awful

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

These nightmares are awful