How to overcome lack of constancy in daily meditation practice?

[Gneh Onebar]

I started a daily meditation practice in august 2018. Since January 2019 I meditate at least 60 minutes a day – most of the time up to 90 minutes. Currently I am working with the Culadasa system from his book “The mind illuminated”. One big problem I struggle with is a lack of constancy in my daily practice. There are days where meditation seems almost easy to me. My mind is a lot quieter and more focused. I feel energy waves passing through my body (I felt an energy ‘explosion’ in my head, my spine energized and rose up on its own etc.), intense emotions coming up and being a lot more present. During these sessions I seem to be in a flow and I really enjoy the practice. Sometimes I have ‘afterglows’ from these sessions that last a few hours or even longer.

But most of the time I struggle with my meditation practice. Especially the days after a good session my concentration ability seems to go significantly down. Nothing functions, the flow is completely gone and I have monkey mind. The more I try to focus, the less it works.

I tried to figure out how I could overcome this lack of constancy, but until now nothing really seems to work. Here are some thoughts on this:

- After a good session I am chasing the same experience in the next one, therefore I lose my focus on the present moment.

- I am rather a rational thinking person. I try to solve the ‘problem’ intellectually instead of approaching it intuitively.

- I am too hard with myself: During sessions I have thoughts like: I meditated every single day for over a year, I should be better by now. This puts pressure on me and obviously lessens my ability to focus. I should probably be gentler with myself.

- Overall my expectations are to high, therefore I feel quickly frustrated. (That’s an attitude I also have to deal with in everyday life. In fact, that’s one of the reasons why I started meditating lol)

- I try to solve the problem by force (trying to focus, push even harder). That isn’t working. Just letting go seems to be the right way.

- I judge the session during the session (I am so good at judging myself and people around me ?), instead of just letting it be what it is. I don’t really know, how to stop this. Maybe by just being mindful.

- Focusing more on peripheral awareness, because this seems to interrupt monkey mind.

Do you encounter similar difficulties while meditating? How do you deal with these? Feel free to share your thoughts.

[Freakyboo]

Sounds like you've answered your own questions pretty well. 

Judging your meditation as good or bad is strengthening the ego.  The key is to allow whatever is there to be there.  Love and accept whatever arises - thoughts, feelings whatever, like it is your own child.  This is all part of the play of consciousness and nothing in your experience is greater or lesser than anything else.  Relax into what is and you will find your meditation deepens tremendously.

Chasing flashy experiences is not what meditation is about and will strengthen the ego.  I don't judge any meditation sessions because I know that purification is happening regardless of what it looks like.  The real test is, has your regular life improved?  Are you calmer, more focused, able to connect with the silence within at any moment?

[Gneh Onebar]

@Freakyboo There are moments where I realize a shift in my perception outside of my meditation sessions. In these moments colors become brighter (red seems more red etc.) and have more contrast. Space then also has more depth, it sort of becomes more spatially. It feels like my vision has turned into HD. The things in my visionfield start to be more interesting and I begin to see/appreciate the complexity and beauty everything has. The world almost turns into a mystical space, so that I am really astonished, that reality is actually the way it is. In these moments, things that I usually take for granted, reveal their magic to me.

How do your meditation sessions look like? Do you have a particular technique or follow a specific system? Thank you for your reply by the way. ?

[ardacigin]

I'm a stage 7-8 meditator using TMI's technique. I've been using primarily these techniques for 2 years now. 

As a beginner, your daily practice length is good. But if you want to stop dealing with monkey mind and forgetting, you have to stop this idea that '1 hour session. Done for the day. Can't maintain mindfulness, Back to ordinary consciousness'

This is THE most important paradigm shift you need to adapt as soon as possible. The faster you realize that 'My entire life needs to be structured so that I practice 4+ hours a day including informal sessions like walking, eating, resting, watching videos meditations. This attitude shift will enable you to experience mind unification and joyful states exponentially faster than even 10 year long meditators trying this or that technique without intense and structured practice.

The other advice is that awareness matters more than attention. As Culadasa says, you need to find an optimal balance between attention and awareness. But realize that the development of attentional stability of the breath is only a means to an end. We develop concentration so that we can deeply develop introspective and metacognitive awareness for insight practices like self enquiry, Someone who has mastered stage 8 can only use awareness with minimal one-pointed attention to go all the way to awakening. (and also cultivations of persistent equanimity and joyful states.) Breath is only an effective tool for awareness development.

That is why add extra emphasis on extrospective and introspective when the attention on the breath stabilized. Notice mind states when you get frustrated as you are watching the breath. Notice sounds acutely when you are watching the breath. You want more sensory clarity with awareness.

This also will enable you to experience joyful states called jhanas as described in TMI. There is a pleasant jhana described in stage 7. This is basically cultivating unconditional happiness. To do these sort of practices (and more), awareness must be developed as the core focus after developing stable attention to the breath. 

Frustration and negative mental states don't help. In fact, that produces huge amounts of suffering and gets in the way of mind unification where you experience joy and happiness for most of the day. Unless that is occurring, that means the conflicted sub-minds are not unified.

To combat this negative spiral, read Leigh's book 'The Right Concentration' and watch this video on joyful states and jhana. This compliments TMI so you can do it after your formal breath practice.

 

Edited October 9, 2019 by ardacigin

[Freakyboo]

Sounds like you're doing just fine there @Gneh Onebar .

I do a Transcendental Meditation practice fused with focusing on the silence between the mantra twice a day, which instantly gets me into the space of stillness. 

I also do some Pranayama techniques before meditating, such as alternate nostril breathing, which clears the nadi's on each side of the central channel, spinal breathing pranayama and a couple of kriya yoga techniques to strengthen the lower chakras.  All this sets me up beautifully for the day - the nervous system is calm, I am alert and relaxed.  I usually do a vinyasa yoga session before meditating if I have time as well.

But just the meditation alone is enough.

[Nahm]

@Gneh Onebar Let go of the concept of focus. 

[Gneh Onebar]

@ardacigin Thank you for your detailed reply. Bought the book already. Will watch the Video this weekend.

By informal session you mean doing the things you mentioned like walking, eating etc. really mindfully?

I find it quite challenging to find a good balance between attention and awareness. Do you have any advice on this?

[Gneh Onebar]

9 hours ago, Freakyboo said:

Sounds like you're doing just fine there @Gneh Onebar .

I do a Transcendental Meditation practice fused with focusing on the silence between the mantra twice a day, which instantly gets me into the space of stillness. 

I also do some Pranayama techniques before meditating, such as alternate nostril breathing, which clears the nadi's on each side of the central channel, spinal breathing pranayama and a couple of kriya yoga techniques to strengthen the lower chakras.  All this sets me up beautifully for the day - the nervous system is calm, I am alert and relaxed.  I usually do a vinyasa yoga session before meditating if I have time as well.

But just the meditation alone is enough.

Cool! Currently I'm doing full glass of water breathing and bone breathing to raise my chi before my meditation sessions. 

[Gneh Onebar]

9 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Gneh Onebar Let go of the concept of focus. 

How is this done? 

[ardacigin]

2 hours ago, Gneh Onebar said:

By informal session you mean doing the things you mentioned like walking, eating etc. really mindfully?

I find it quite challenging to find a good balance between attention and awareness. Do you have any advice on this?

Yes. Do intense sessions where you walk, lay down and sit (3 postures with rotation) in 4 hours and try to maintain awareness and stable attention with those postures. When you get bored or frustrated, just change to an easier posture. Once you feel better, get back to sitting. Ocassionally doing something like this will give  a retreat effect due to uninterrupted application of mindfulness. That is how bringing into the daily life will get easier.

Next time you stabilize attention on the breath (which can take a really long time depending on your skill level), drop the breath for a moment and try to get the attention on the external sounds (cars, traffic, bird noises etc.)

Once you are comfortable with that. Put the attention back on the breath. Stabilize it again but this time see if you can experience the in breath with attention and AT THE SAME TIME experience the external sound of bird's chirping. Instead of going back and forth with attention, see if attention can experience the breath clearly and at the same time awareness can also experience the sound. Both has to be experienced together as a cohesive whole. Don't move the attention quickly back and forth. That is only an illusion of awareness. Try this technique of harmonizing sound and breath. Try to maintain it. This was my epiphany on what awareness is in the first year of my TMI practice. This is extrospective awareness to be more precise.

 

Edited October 10, 2019 by ardacigin

[Nahm]

@Gneh Onebar

2 hours ago, Gneh Onebar said:

How is this done? 

Well, what are you actually doing  when you focus?

[Jordan94]

I wanna emphasis that it's really normal that your sits are not consistents, and some sits are more focused than other, that's 100% normal and has to be like that, Culadasa even says it in the book, than rather than seeing yourself at a particular stage you should know that your stage will vary from sits to sits, and even in a given sit you might move a bit through a few stages

 

Then Arda advices are really good too, getting more practice time is gonna be the one paramater that you can control that will have the most impact on your progress, and adding some non-sitting practice can be really nice for that as well (personally I really like Shinzen See Hear Feel)

 

Also for more of progress with TMI framework, if you don't already, I highly recommend you to hang around a lot in the TMI subreddit, it's really a goldmine of ressources and help

[Gneh Onebar]

13 hours ago, ardacigin said:

Yes. Do intense sessions where you walk, lay down and sit (3 postures with rotation) in 4 hours and try to maintain awareness and stable attention with those postures. When you get bored or frustrated, just change to an easier posture. Once you feel better, get back to sitting. Ocassionally doing something like this will give  a retreat effect due to uninterrupted application of mindfulness. That is how bringing into the daily life will get easier.

Next time you stabilize attention on the breath (which can take a really long time depending on your skill level), drop the breath for a moment and try to get the attention on the external sounds (cars, traffic, bird noises etc.)

Once you are comfortable with that. Put the attention back on the breath. Stabilize it again but this time see if you can experience the in breath with attention and AT THE SAME TIME experience the external sound of bird's chirping. Instead of going back and forth with attention, see if attention can experience the breath clearly and at the same time awareness can also experience the sound. Both has to be experienced together as a cohesive whole. Don't move the attention quickly back and forth. That is only an illusion of awareness. Try this technique of harmonizing sound and breath. Try to maintain it. This was my epiphany on what awareness is in the first year of my TMI practice. This is extrospective awareness to be more precise.

 

Cool, I will try this. 

[Gneh Onebar]

12 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Gneh Onebar

Well, what are you actually doing  when you focus?

Following my breath as closely as I can and bringing my attention back to it, whenever I lose track of it.

[Gneh Onebar]

8 hours ago, Jordan94 said:

I wanna emphasis that it's really normal that your sits are not consistents, and some sits are more focused than other, that's 100% normal and has to be like that, Culadasa even says it in the book, than rather than seeing yourself at a particular stage you should know that your stage will vary from sits to sits, and even in a given sit you might move a bit through a few stages

 

Then Arda advices are really good too, getting more practice time is gonna be the one paramater that you can control that will have the most impact on your progress, and adding some non-sitting practice can be really nice for that as well (personally I really like Shinzen See Hear Feel)

 

Also for more of progress with TMI framework, if you don't already, I highly recommend you to hang around a lot in the TMI subreddit, it's really a goldmine of ressources and help

Tank you for your response. I didn't known about the TMI reddit forum - that's a good hint.  

[Nahm]

@Gneh Onebar Is there any effort in that, any doing, really? Any pieces moving, so to speak? Any ‘parts’ to focusing?  Are ‘you’ the ‘subject’ focusing on the ‘object’, or are you one, breathing, simply, just aware? Awareness of breathing, same awareness of seeing, same awareness of feeling. 

Write on your board, or a pad of paper,

“What’s at the root of this monkey mind?”

”What is this discord within me, what belief am I holding about myself, about someone else?”

”What can be aligned within me, even more?”

”What is the true source within me?”

Then just forget about it. Take a lesson in trusting sensation over thinking, by letting thinking about it, and thinking that you need to think about it, go, knowing the answer, the relief, will be revealed - because you want to know, because you acknowledged the discord and chose to ask, to want to know. The universe is going to tell you - don’t hold to a how, or any ‘what’ that should be or look like. It could be an arising intuition - it could also be the lady at the counter at the gas station. It could be in a simple text you get today, or in something you read online. Know that you will know, and you will know. Enjoy the hell out of how fun & amazing it is that the infinite source of you - wants to play. 

[Gneh Onebar]

On ‎11‎.‎10‎.‎2019 at 2:17 PM, Nahm said:

@Gneh Onebar Is there any effort in that, any doing, really? Any pieces moving, so to speak? Any ‘parts’ to focusing?  Are ‘you’ the ‘subject’ focusing on the ‘object’, or are you one, breathing, simply, just aware? Awareness of breathing, same awareness of seeing, same awareness of feeling. 

Write on your board, or a pad of paper,

“What’s at the root of this monkey mind?”

”What is this discord within me, what belief am I holding about myself, about someone else?”

”What can be aligned within me, even more?”

”What is the true source within me?”

Then just forget about it. Take a lesson in trusting sensation over thinking, by letting thinking about it, and thinking that you need to think about it, go, knowing the answer, the relief, will be revealed - because you want to know, because you acknowledged the discord and chose to ask, to want to know. The universe is going to tell you - don’t hold to a how, or any ‘what’ that should be or look like. It could be an arising intuition - it could also be the lady at the counter at the gas station. It could be in a simple text you get today, or in something you read online. Know that you will know, and you will know. Enjoy the hell out of how fun & amazing it is that the infinite source of you - wants to play. 

OK, I get what you mean. This sounds like fun - will try it out. Thank you for this advice.