Intense anger and depression over hard failure.

[Dylan Page]

I have been working at something for 3 months for 10+ hours a day and have had progress that most people could achieve in 1 month will less time invested. I can not describe the level of disappointment I feel in myself. I don’t want to give up but I cannot tolerate this level of incompetency. It’s the most frustrating thing I have ever had to endure and I don’t know what to do. I want something to the core of my bones and yet I can’t have it even though it can be easily achieved by others with effort. Does anyone have advice for someone like me?

[fortifyacacia3]

You could get much higher quality advice if you share what it is you are practicing. if there's something in your mindset or in your procedure we won't be able to help you identify it. 

People perform best with their authentic desires. You want the results to the core of your bones, not to perform it. I understand many things require a level of rigor that isn't as immediately enjoyable as people say it should be for it to be authentic but don't blet that discourage you. You sound purpose driven, which is okay but check with yourself if you actually like something or if you just like the idea of it. 10 hours a day sounds like you've surrendered to an extent. Are you practicing optimally? As counterintuitive as it sounds try doing it for 5 hours

[Dylan Page]

@fortifyacacia3 It depends on what you mean by authentic desire. Yes, I want the thing I’m going after. Do I enjoy the process? When I’m succeeding, yes. Otherwise, its very, very unpleasant. The time I spend doesn’t matter, I will do all that is necessary, even if it means sacrificing sleep, or getting 15 hours. How does one ever pursue anything without first liking the idea btw?

[fortifyacacia3]

I think selfishness can spoil desire, so if you want it for prestige or personal gain it could cloud your judgement. It's not inherently bad to do this but you just might smother the fire trying to feed it. Notice the defensiveness arising saying that it's not bad to desire this. It's not, but you need a degree of letting it go. My most concrete advice would be just look at what this is doing to your confidence. Keep just enough desire to continue the activity, and let go of this aching clinginess for progress. Imagine going the whole day without the faintest improvement and not caring. That's what you need, the endurance to fail. If you didn't care about failing you wouldn't have asked the question because it would be answered. Asking for advice is looking for a shortcut and sure, we want to find the best ways to do things but the problem of what you are looking for lies in your looking. If you are willing to put in the hard work there would be no need to look for shortcuts. The answers are always here, just do the hard work. So yeah, the problem is in the question. Don't worry about observing growth.

[fortifyacacia3]

Also don't compromise your sleep or health for anything. Can't expect anything without your foundations in line. And again, taking breaks can reduce fatigue. 

[RobertZ]

Are you struggling with shifting values?

fortitude, or effectiveness?

1. Consider if you have a sense of purpose and good habits. If not, consider what you need. Be honest with yourself and with others.

2. If you feel good with that, maybe you concentrate on verifiable effects. As an Angel told Descartes in a vision when he established modern science: ”The conquest of nature is through weight and measurement.” So, maybe you could take notes about what you are doing. What works? What does not work?

Sorry--all this is just a shot in the dark. 

But if you will focus on what you desire, go easy on disastrous thinking.