mood

[flume]

What if we all told the truth?

We all constantly lie.

White lies, barefaced lies, minimisations, exaggerations, bluffling, half truths and broken promises to ourselves and others.

The university of Massachusetts found out we're all lying between 100 and 300 times a day.

The most toxic of all lies though is withholding the truth. How many times a day are you holding back what you really think & feel in a situation? What's really going on inside of you when you're talking to a co-worker? And would you ever dare saying it out loud?

Would you dare being so blunt? Coming across so immature? Risking your reputation?

Most of the time, the answer is probably no.

So we repress what's really going on.

But what is repression really? And what are its costs?

In repression, thinking, feeling and acting have to become disconnected and split up to keep going on independent levels.

This is the original meaning of being split: We loose touch with our inner world, have lost the most important type of intimacy (the one with ourselves) and thereby are unable to create intimacy with other people in our lives.

"We gate it away, stored as a memory with force, but it's never gone. Gating allows us to feel one way and act another. It allows us to be in contradiction with ourselves. The problem is that in becoming insensitive to ourselves we become insensitive to others." Arthur Janov.

This is, in my opinion, the original cause of all self-esteem issues. It all starts with ourselves. Fear, lies and defence mechanisms are taking the place of authentic feelings and distort our perception of what's going to make us feel good.

Some defend by fleeing into their heads, into fancy philosophies & spiritual concepts.

Still others put activities in place to distract them from what's always trying to come to the surface.

For others still, outside approval will suddenly become the most important thing in their lives.

Whatever it is, we're under the impression that something outside of ourselves will give us the fulfilment we're looking for.

As Brad Blanton so beautifully said: “When you are lying, when you are keeping a secret, when you are withholding information or feelings in any moment, you are always doing that to protect something meaningless.”

How are you defending yourself against the inevitable force of truth?

Whatever mechanism you have in place, your strategy will break down sooner or later.

Are you still thinking about the discussion you had with your boss 2 weeks ago? Are you still angry at your mom for something she did 10 years ago? Are those stories still running in your head? Over and over again?

This is the true cost of repression. Unexpressed feelings zap our energy like nothing else could.

You feel the magnitude of that when you finally do decide to speak the truth. If that means talking to a friend or letting your unfiltered thoughts out on paper: Your body might start shaking, showing you what's been beneath the surface for so many years.

If your body starts to respond though, you know, you're doing it right.

And then you also get to know the hidden cost of lying to your own nervous system. Lies are literally killing us.

So keep digging, further and further, and allow yourself to find out where all of this started. But the first key is honesty.

Find someone today who you tell the truth to.

There are few things more liberating than doing that.

https://the-inward-morning.com/journal/what-if-we-all-told-the-truth

[flume]

New video on how media consumption is influencing your thinking and your creativity. Let me know your thoughts :-)

 

[flume]

New website, whoop whoop! 

https://www.mariagrunberger.com 

[Raptorsin7]

8 hours ago, flume said:

New website, whoop whoop! 

https://www.mariagrunberger.com 

I like how you are upfront about screening clients. That is very wise. 

When I work with people i'm planning on doing the same thing.

[flume]

On 30/11/2021 at 5:26 AM, Raptorsin7 said:

I like how you are upfront about screening clients. That is very wise. 

When I work with people i'm planning on doing the same thing.

Thanks!

What are you planning to do? 

[Raptorsin7]

Just now, flume said:

What are you planning to do? 

I learned this trauma processing technique, so I'm going to start by trying to resolve people's traumatic memories. I've had it done to me and the effect was dramatic, but now I want to see if I can apply it to other people, and see how effective it can be.

The idea is similar to Dr John Demartini's break through experience. It's effectively about re-experiencing traumatic memories and re-defining them so they lose their emotional charge and power over you

[flume]

@Raptorsin7 Love it! That's really important work. Excited to see your journey unfold!

 

[flume]

New video  

Let me know your thoughts, trippers of this forum 

 

[flume]

Video this week for any beginner coaches out there 

[flume]

9pm. Coming home to an empty apartment.

I've spent the last 30 hours at work. With half of my colleagues in quarantine, everyone's struggling to keep the place running. And I can't turn my back on them now. This community is my family.

And still, driving home in my car right now I felt like I'm about to pass out. I was so checked out that I forgot where I was for a moment. And that on the road that I'm taking almost daily. Random thoughts flashing through my head.

"Your colleague will be mad that you didn't help him better."

"I still have to get those candles for my mom."

"How am I gonna manage all the appointments I have tomorrow?"

"Oh God, I need to wash my hair."

"My back hurts."

"I should really go dancing again"

"I think there's no food at home"

It all doesn't make sense.

On top of that, Erik and I are in the biggest crisis we've ever had in our relationship. After almost one year of being together, this could be it. Or not. I don't know. But this seems like a serious death portal. I don't know when I'm gonna see him again. We need some distance, that's for sure. But it feels like we've accidentally caused some irreversible damage to our connection.

"I feel like a cat that has been stroked too many times", he said. We're not having sex.

I'm freaking out on Sunday, telling him I can't do this anymore. He can barely look at me. It's disgusting. I feel disgusting. I don't feel admired, wanted or appreciated. I just want him out. So bad. And so he does. Finally.

But this is going beyond some "pulling-away" - cycle. This is serious shit. I'm actually happy that he left. I feel like I'm providing my own masculine now, in a healthy way. I don't feel attracted to him, I don't feel owned. I feel like I have no boyfriend. But not in a reactive or hurt way. Just as a fact.

It feels like we're two sheets of ice in the middle of the ocean, drifting apart. Dead for each other.

Is this it?

It feels like we accidentally killed something that is beyond restore. Without even really realising it. We've gone through a lot in the past, but we somehow got blindsided here. Quarantine, business stuff, conditioning... Something happened. He just feels like someone I know now. The crazy femininity that he usually triggers in me... Gone.

Is this something some time apart can fix?

I'm not sure. But we definitely need it.

It's difficult to restore something when it's not even clear to us what happened. I still can't put my finger on the actual problem...

What happened?

Anyways.

I'm not sure if work is the thing that is killing me right now, or the thing that's keeping me alive. I feel like I'm being crushed either way.

I'm frozen in time.

Juggling the coaching business on the side with videos, calls, e-mails, and legal stuff to figure out, calculating finances... I don't even know how I'm doing what I'm doing right now to be honest. Yet I have endless energy for my clients. I love figuring things out with them. Tells me I'm on the right track.

I'm also gonna get more coaching myself. So much pain was triggered in the past weeks. I'm basically alternating between fierce independence and "Nobody loves me. Nobody wants to spend time with me." Definitely more to be healed there. I'm gonna do more primal therapy.

Gosh, it's December 15th. Christmas used to be my time. I got in the mood 2 months up front. Singing Christmas songs in choirs, going to the forest with my dad to pick a tree, baking cookies, making thoughtful gifts... None of that this year. One week to go and there's no tree, no singing... gifts from amazon. Lol. What happened?

But writing saves me every time.

I don't know how, but it really does.

Probably the whole "expression is key" - thing the kids keep raving about these days. 

[Gregory1]

1 hour ago, flume said:

9pm. Coming home to an empty apartment.

I've spent the last 30 hours at work. With half of my colleagues in quarantine, everyone's struggling to keep the place running. And I can't turn my back on them now. This community is my family.

And still, driving home in my car right now I felt like I'm about to pass out. I was so checked out that I forgot where I was for a moment. And that on the road that I'm taking almost daily. Random thoughts flashing through my head.

"Your colleague will be mad that you didn't help him better."

"I still have to get those candles for my mom."

"How am I gonna manage all the appointments I have tomorrow?"

"Oh God, I need to wash my hair."

"My back hurts."

"I should really go dancing again"

"I think there's no food at home"

It all doesn't make sense.

On top of that, Erik and I are in the biggest crisis we've ever had in our relationship. After almost one year of being together, this could be it. Or not. I don't know. But this seems like a serious death portal. I don't know when I'm gonna see him again. We need some distance, that's for sure. But it feels like we've accidentally caused some irreversible damage to our connection.

"I feel like a cat that has been stroked too many times", he said. We're not having sex.

I'm freaking out on Sunday, telling him I can't do this anymore. He can barely look at me. It's disgusting. I feel disgusting. I don't feel admired, wanted or appreciated. I just want him out. So bad. And so he does. Finally.

But this is going beyond some "pulling-away" - cycle. This is serious shit. I'm actually happy that he left. I feel like I'm providing my own masculine now, in a healthy way. I don't feel attracted to him, I don't feel owned. I feel like I have no boyfriend. But not in a reactive or hurt way. Just as a fact.

It feels like we're two sheets of ice in the middle of the ocean, drifting apart. Dead for each other.

Is this it?

It feels like we accidentally killed something that is beyond restore. Without even really realising it. We've gone through a lot in the past, but we somehow got blindsided here. Quarantine, business stuff, conditioning... Something happened. He just feels like someone I know now. The crazy femininity that he usually triggers in me... Gone.

Is this something some time apart can fix?

I'm not sure. But we definitely need it.

It's difficult to restore something when it's not even clear to us what happened. I still can't put my finger on the actual problem...

What happened?

Anyways.

I'm not sure if work is the thing that is killing me right now, or the thing that's keeping me alive. I feel like I'm being crushed either way.

I'm frozen in time.

Juggling the coaching business on the side with videos, calls, e-mails, and legal stuff to figure out, calculating finances... I don't even know how I'm doing what I'm doing right now to be honest. Yet I have endless energy for my clients. I love figuring things out with them. Tells me I'm on the right track.

I'm also gonna get more coaching myself. So much pain was triggered in the past weeks. I'm basically alternating between fierce independence and "Nobody loves me. Nobody wants to spend time with me." Definitely more to be healed there. I'm gonna do more primal therapy.

Gosh, it's December 15th. Christmas used to be my time. I got in the mood 2 months up front. Singing Christmas songs in choirs, going to the forest with my dad to pick a tree, baking cookies, making thoughtful gifts... None of that this year. One week to go and there's no tree, no singing... gifts from amazon. Lol. What happened?

But writing saves me every time.

I don't know how, but it really does.

Probably the whole "expression is key" - thing the kids keep raving about these days. 

Hey

@flume

, I love your honesty and purity of heart.

I hope you are getting better, I really enjoyed reading that post. 

Your boyfriend is going through the same pain you're going through. 

Sometimes life is hard. How can it sometimes be so much beauty, so much joy, so much harmony and so much ecstacy... 

And then at other times... How can it seemingly break so deeply, get destroyed so brutally, get killed so carelessly. 

Only God, only the master knows the truth of it all. May he hold all beings in his infinitely loving embrace and heal them forever. May all beings merge into one soul and unify as one heart, speaking the holy truth of this universe... Together as a choir: "I love You."

 

 

Edited December 15, 2021 by Gregory1

[Myioko]

I hope that you’ll be able to find some free time to process things and take it easy, Flume. 30 hours of work sounds exhausting and stressful on top of everything else.

I’m sure most people would understand not getting sentimental/thoughtful gifts this year if they know whats going on. Thats really kind and thoughtful of you to have done well thought-out gifts in the past, and that your still thinking of them now. 

Edited December 16, 2021 by Myioko

[flume]

@Gregory1 @Myioko I really appreciate both of you! Thanks for jumping in here and leaving those thoughtful comments.

[flume]

So much happened in the past 48 hours.

It’s good to be back into writing.

When we decided to split, I felt both relieved and in terror.

This relationship was the only thing I was sure of in my life. I have no idea what the next months will bring in terms of work, my family, my friends, my health, money... But I knew this relationship was meant to be. I saw myself getting old with this man. I saw us having children who run through the forest to play and learn... I saw our love becoming deeper and deeper every year.

The possibility of this being over for good really pulled the carpet out under my feet.

In an attempt to understand what happened I talked to a work colleague today. She just spent 3 weeks in quarantine with her husband and her two kids and she could relate completely. “My husband works in HR at a bank. Just seeing him doing his work on the kitchen table, him calling people,... That whole vibe... I don’t know, I just felt so turned off. Yesterday morning I yelled at him, telling him he should stop treating me like a work colleague.”

A few hours later I’m visiting my brother and his wife. They’re in the healthiest marriage I’ve personally witnessed, and they agree: A quarantine in tough. However, my sister in law said “That’s funny that you feel so turned off and like you don’t want to be around him when he works. Because I actually fell in love with your brother when I saw him work. And still to this day, every time I catch him working around the farm... I fall in love with him a little more.” He agrees. “Sometimes I just go and watch her sow sew. I love it.”

Hm. So they don’t have that. This made me think. Is it the intense business vibe that’s such a turn off? Or because it’s not an actual, genuine passion with no agenda?

This explanation would kind of fit the insight I had a few days ago. I did a writing process, which I didn’t finish.

I don’t think I should share it here, but it was basically about work-place egos, about proving yourself, rather than helping people and being genuinely creative, about striving for a better life without realising that all we need is already here.

Maybe I’ll share it one day.

Anyway, this is a potential angle.

But there are others as well.

Every time I get out of a relationship I feel this epiphany, this sense of “Ohh! I’m me! And I love it!” Gosh. I can’t believe I keep “loosing myself” in relationships.

Why is it so tough for me to keep in touch with myself when I’m in a relationship?

Why is it that, as the months go by, my life turns into the one my partner wants to live and i seem to forget about all the things I love and find important?

Why am I so hyper focused on the other person, crashing him through a growth spurt like my life depends on it, just to realise: This is not the life I wanna live?

This always results in me being incredibly relieved when I’m finally alone.

Or maybe it's not that bad and I'm blowing it out of proportion.

Still...

I’m so bad at keeping some attention on my end, that my ratio of spending time with people vs being alone should probably be 5% vs 95%. It’s like someone said in an INFJ video “You really don't need people. And at the same time you really need people.” I just can’t fucking help but love them, be there for them, help them and do whatever I can to make their life the way they want.

Ok, time to stop finding out what happened.

Sure, there’s a million ways to think about what happened. Many angles, many stories... But I think there’s nothing to gain there.

Let’s look into the future.

I feel incredibly grounded. Talking to one of my girlfriends yesterday she said “I’m not worried at all. I’ve rarely experienced you so calm, so in touch with yourself. It’s kind of beautiful to see.”

I’ve done so many great things for myself too. I met up with my girlfriends, danced, talked to my primal therapist, wrote, read, played piano... And I have a big list of things I still wanna do in this month that we’re taking to ourselves: Redecorate my apartment, go to the hair dresser, buy some new clothes, print some pictures & journal entries, write poetry, etc.

But I also went out and bought a pack of cigarettes. I smoked 3 of them so far and I can really feel it in my lungs. I hate that I can’t sing as well and high as usually. I really want to stop this. I want nothing more than to sing beautiful songs under the Christmas tree next week. And it really freaks me out to hear my voice cracking like this.

Yet...

I feel like I’m finding my way back to myself quickly. That’s all that really matters. I need to learn to become my home base. And the more time we spend apart, the less I know what he’s doing exactly... The more positive I feel towards him.

[flume]

This is a pretty raw vlog. Funny I decided to film the day before everything went downhill  Ah, the irony...

 

[RendHeaven]

On 12/15/2021 at 2:02 PM, flume said:

But this seems like a serious death portal. I don't know when I'm gonna see him again. We need some distance, that's for sure. But it feels like we've accidentally caused some irreversible damage to our connection.

"I feel like a cat that has been stroked too many times", he said. We're not having sex.

I'm freaking out on Sunday, telling him I can't do this anymore. He can barely look at me. It's disgusting. I feel disgusting. I don't feel admired, wanted or appreciated. I just want him out. So bad. And so he does. Finally.

But this is going beyond some "pulling-away" - cycle. This is serious shit. I'm actually happy that he left. I feel like I'm providing my own masculine now, in a healthy way. I don't feel attracted to him, I don't feel owned. I feel like I have no boyfriend. But not in a reactive or hurt way. Just as a fact.

It feels like we're two sheets of ice in the middle of the ocean, drifting apart. Dead for each other.

Is this it?

It feels like we accidentally killed something that is beyond restore. Without even really realising it. We've gone through a lot in the past, but we somehow got blindsided here. Quarantine, business stuff, conditioning... Something happened. He just feels like someone I know now. The crazy femininity that he usually triggers in me... Gone.

Is this something some time apart can fix?

I'm not sure. But we definitely need it.

It's difficult to restore something when it's not even clear to us what happened. I still can't put my finger on the actual problem...

What happened?

On 12/18/2021 at 1:51 PM, flume said:

Every time I get out of a relationship I feel this epiphany, this sense of “Ohh! I’m me! And I love it!” Gosh. I can’t believe I keep “loosing myself” in relationships.

Why is it so tough for me to keep in touch with myself when I’m in a relationship?

Why is it that, as the months go by, my life turns into the one my partner wants to live and i seem to forget about all the things I love and find important?

These quotes are chillingly accurate to how my ex gf felt when we broke up over a year ago (I know because she and I talked about it).

"What happened?" is exactly how I feel.

In my case, my instinct was to take the "fault," to assume that I just wasn't good enough. And last year, that is how I reacted (you can still see all that in my actualized public journal lmao).

e.g. I could've been more honest in my communication, encouraging more mutual independence so that we weren't just codependent blobs; I could've been more playful and leading in all endeavors, whisking her away on adventures, playful in the sense of never taking her for granted (I find that unplayfulness happens when I assume a sort of complacent expectancy about her existing in my life); or even further, sometimes I'd attempt a sort of playfulness but it was only to get a sort of validating/affirming reaction out of her to make myself feel good, i.e. in those moments I was thinking more about leeching love off of her than sharing the love that I am;

going even deeper/darker, I noticed that I was the "daddy" mostly in-name - I had the social role of "provider" and the role of dominant in bed, and yet there were (in hindsight really shocking) moments of me treating her like she was "mommy." And maybe if we communicated clearly about this and if she expressed that this was to her liking, that wouldn't have been a problem, but unfortunately it seems that her soul wanted me to be her emotional "rock," (and for the most part I wanted this too!) and I spent about 90% of our time together "being there for her," but then that would eventually overwhelm me and I would no longer be able to act like a "rock," but more like play-dough. And when I was like play-dough, I would come crawling to her like a child. And then she would see me being play-dough 10% of the time, and that would seriously damage her trust in me; "why are you using me for emotional support? don't you see that I need support?" - and from that position I'm basically in check-mate. If I fake emotional stability "for her sake," she detects my fakery and feels unloved; if I say that I need emotional support more than her (honestly), she still feels unloved because I'm choosing my needs over her and she feels used; and if I explain to her in detail that "I need this time for my own healing because I've spent 90% of my energy supporting you until now" now she feels blamed/guilty and starts spiraling into lack of love, not to mention how one-sided my explanation is, and the more I talk (mansplain, really) the more disconnected she feels. And of course, if I just "let her be, to solve her own issues," this still leads to her feeling unloved even if I try to frame it lovingly and ~spiritually~. I've tried "just listening" as well, but usually in this checkmate situation she remains closed off and uncommunicative. She wants me to open her heart for her (and I don't blame her for this, usually I would gladly do this!) but I can only do that as a rock, as "daddy," not as a slimy glob of play-dough, not as a starving child.

And when she sees me utterly checkmated like that (very unsexy - I mean frankly, how dare I act like her dominant after being psychologically dismantled by her so effortlessly!), from there onwards it seems that she would doubt that I was ever a rock. She didn't trust any face I put on, even my honest face. 

(I hope that made sense haha - a little dramatic, but true to my past experience. It might seem strange that I'm suggesting men and women in love are in a psychic DUEL as though it were a game of chess, but doesn't that seem right somehow? Pretty sure David Deida said something like: women test men hoping that the men will overcome these tests. This way y'all feel like you can trust us. But when we men crumble against the psychological test, you women begins to feel unsafe, unloved, and the spark dies)

and on and on.

To this day I think my reflections are still valid, and I have worked (and am still working) to be "a bigger man" (psychologically/spiritually).

But certainly I'm realizing now that she was no angel: that she had a sort of black hole in her soul which lured me into codependency so hypnotically (and keep in mind she was a psychologically/spiritually "advanced" soul. Easily SD stage yellow, had the innate compassion of a goddess. Yet even she was susceptible to being an emotional black-hole)

I'm still unable to answer the full picture of "what happened?" because there are so many small factors stacking up over time, and though I've spelled out most of my personal shortcomings, it's clear to me now that we both played a part; it wasn't just one or the other of us.

Lemme know if you ever figure out the esoteric mystery of "what happened." If not, maybe in 200 years a team of scientists will have a breakthrough discovery LOL

All of this to say, you're not alone - not in any human sense at least 

[flume]

@RendHeaven no joke, I thought about you yesterday. I was thinking that I haven't read from you in a while and I set the intention to reach out to you tomorrow. And then I wake up to this post from you. Haha! Quite epic!

Thanks for sharing your story. Bruh. I don't even know what to say. A lot of similarities for sure. I'm guessing we're dealing with similar conditioning here... This though:

7 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

But certainly I'm realizing now that she was no angel: that she had a sort of black hole in her soul which lured me into codependency so hypnotically (and keep in mind she was a psychologically/spiritually "advanced" soul. Easily SD stage yellow, had the innate compassion of a goddess. Yet even she was susceptible to being an emotional black-hole)

This made me swallow. I feel that often. That I bring this darkness with me, that is inescapable. He even called it a black pit, that he'll never be able to fill, no matter how hard he tries... And I know, in a sense, that it comes from childhood neglect. And that no person can ever fill up the loneliness I felt when I was little. But I can't help but look for it anyways. I still have a lot to work through in this regard, even though it has gotten a lot better.

I know that, one day soon we'll know what happened, why it had to happen and whether this relationship will continue. And no matter the outcome, I trust we'll learn from it beautifully and eventually help other people deal with these situations better... The growth I experience(d) with this man is beyond comparison. And it continues to be so, no matter what the future will hold. This is the only thing I'm sure of at the moment.

Anyways, so glad to hear from ya! Big hug!

[flume]

What cruel world is this? Nectar of the Gods... 

It’s the shortest day of the year today.

The amount of sleep I need lately is quite high. If left to my own terms, I easily sleep 10 hours a day.

I feel stuck. Got up late, don’t really know what to do. There’s many things I could do but I feel heavy. I feel grief. I miss my king. I don’t know what to do... I don’t know where I end. I don’t know where to begin. I can’t get myself to cook. It’s tough to make financial decisions alone. I know I should go outside but it’s almost like I feel unsafe in the world.

I retrieve into books. I’m reading 3-4 hours a day at the moment.

When trying to think about this whole situation, I can’t. My mind is blank. I have no idea what happened. I can’t project anything into the future. Right now, I just want to feel his warm belly against mine. His deep breath that always calms me down. The timelessness we tap into when our bodies connect.

I can’t let my conditioning get in the way of relationships anymore. I need to find a way to deal with my shit, to stand in for my boundaries and grow up in a sense.

It’s like I’m in this superstate. On the one hand, business is great, I get tasks done easily, I feel really free and inspired, glad to have some time by myself. On the other hand, nothing makes sense without him in my life.

I’d love to be perfectly able to take care of myself well, no matter the circumstances. But that’s just not the reality right now. Or maybe it looks like it from the outside, but there’s hours in my day where I’m completely shut down.

Fuck.

I need to allow myself to grief this.

But how?

Burn pictures? Cry?

“They say that the world is built for two...”

Dear feeling of being frozen in time... I don’t know what to do. I haven’t seen Erik in 1,5 weeks. I know we’ve gotten too close. We said we’d push though this time, spend time with friends and hobbies once both businesses are off the ground... But I think it killed us. We saw it coming. And we did whatever we could to counter the workload... But something still went wrong. We went from partners to business partners. Are we doomed because we have the same interests? Will I never be able to live with someone? I think conditioning is at play from both sides.

My life is on fire.

And I’m as calm and grounded as never before.

It basically doesn’t make sense to write any of this because my mood is changing every 30 seconds. I always want to make sense of situations, and have a plan for the future. But with this, it’s just too early.

I'll go back to bed now.

[flume]

There are days when you just feel... Grown up as fuck.

I tried ordering a new macbook today. Mine has served me well, but it’s time for more storage + editing power. I’m super pleased though how well this thing has been working for the past 5 years. Never had any issues with it (besides storage) and I can still sell it for 600,- Pretty nice.

But then I couldn’t order it without a credit card. I realised it was time to get a credit card because I don’t want to depend on other people (usually boyfriends) to borrow me credit cards just so I can oder things. Had a good chat with my bank guy and he made sure it arrives soon.

Feeling grown up as hell. Oh, the independence of having my own credit card. Or the dependence. Oh well.

Can’t wait for ordering the macbook. I just outlined the first course I want to release and I’m more than excited to shoot and edit.

I also brought my car to the garage. There was something wrong with my engine. I wasn’t so upset this time though, chatted to some nice people at the garage and they could fix it immediately. It was much cheaper than I thought and they even cleaned my car & some other minor things that have bugged me for some time. How nice! I payed 317€. 3 & 17 are my lucky numbers so there you go 

When my car broke down yesterday I had a bit of a moment though. Yesterday was pretty intense. The Christmas get-together at work felt like a Covid-survival meetup. I can’t believe what we’ve gone through the past months. It’s insane. On top of that, one of my colleagues was sent to the hospital yesterday because he may have had a stroke. Sitting in my broke down car later that evening I felt dizzy. “What on earth is going on in this world...?”

Also got my proof of recovery from Covid, so I guess l'm a free person again? Haha. Well, at least I'm not needing to shove something up my nose before going places. Oh, and I’m suddenly allowed to go to restaurants again and see friends... Oh boy, we live in a two class society 

Alright, enough with all those practicalities. Time to balance it out by going for a drink with one of my girlfriends. Can’t wait to catch up with her. I met her at the Radical Honesty workshop and we got along immediately.

Feeling cute today 

Still a little bit of coaching stuff to do tomorrow, but other than that - time to relax, warm up my voice, wrap the last presents, get contemplative and still.

A new king is born soon. Gloria in excelsus deo!

Candles, Christmas smells and Bach fill my apartment. Do your ears a favour people!

 

[flume]

Reclaiming the exiled artist child