I can't get over being attracted to wealthy men

[Hansu]

4 hours ago, Sonya said:

I don't think I quite got that tbh, English is not my first language but if I got it right, if I was in a bad situation and had my own family for example I would do anything to bring food to the table, I think the ability to afford a good lifestyle is important and I would focus on that, so I can have other stuff I consider to be luxuries like focusing on self development (self help, spirituality, actualization, education etc) and giving my family that opportunity as well. I don't think I'd be suffering if I couldn't afford that, as long as my family is healthy. Maybe that has to do with survival too much

You understood correctly.

I find it funny that you call self development a luxury. Maybe its luxury for someone in a poor country, but you live in Greece! If you have been on spiritual journey since you were 10 years old, then I'd be bold and say that self development has become more like a basic need to you than a luxury. Luxury is for kings.

However, even in developed countries wanting to give your family that opportunity as well might be considered luxury unless you create your family with someone who is financially stable.

3 hours ago, Sonya said:

Those are great questions! I finally think this whole issue is more about me being attracted to a strong personality or some other characteristics that I can't recognize specifically now, than to someone who is rich necessarily. I now think a person who is financially stable and independent and caring is the result of a certain personality's acts and this appeals to me as attractive subconsciously. I was lost because I didn't contemplate properly this whole question, not sure still but I'll think about it more

Exactly!

 

[Preety_India]

8 hours ago, Sonya said:

Thank you for the reply! I don't really want my guy to be rich specifically, I'm more attracted to independent and generous men, a guy can be rich but not caring or interested in providing at all and a guy can be just financially stable but take care of his girl in that way. Maybe it's just preference who knows

This is like saying you should feel guilty if you're with a loser who doesn't provide for you. Trust me there is no fun in dating those types and so the guilt is well deserved. Women are constantly judged for their choices in men which is just plain manipulation.  Be with a man who makes you happy.  If you sense discomfort, there is nothing wrong with feeling guilty just like a man doesn't feel guilty for rejecting ugly girls 

[Preety_India]

Do not be with a weak guy.  He will never fulfill you on any level.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Tetcher]

What you articulate about what you like in men is rather irrelevant. If a poor guy approaches you and seduces you then you will fall for him, you're not going to refer to that framework that he's poor so you're cancelling you falling for him, you already fell. What you're speaking about is what you like in men but in your head, if you go outside this framework doesn't mean that there are no circumstances under which a poor guy can seduces you.

Edited October 8, 2019 by Tetcher

[whoareyou]

It's not that you are attracted to the "money", but you are attracted to the traits/qualities that those men have. Could you find the same traits in the men that are financially not well off? You can, but it's very unlikely, and if you do find - sooner or later they will be financially well off anyways.

Also, the men that are financially well off on average have higher level of intelligence as well.

There is nothing wrong with your desire - spiritual growth and wealth are not mutually exclusive.

Don't listen to those that are calling it "shallow" or "superficial" - they simply don't know enough about female psychology, and how attraction works.

 

[Shakazulu]

You ain’t met the right man yet hun. Five dollars in his pocket but he pushes the right buttons ?

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

If you're dancing at the club and can get down to the lyrics of this song you have hope of changing your ways haha.

[Ananta]

@TrynaBeTurquoise

*good song*

[universe]

I like this thread because I didnt really think about that, of course its obvious that we like people who are generous rather than greedy. But you gave a more nuanced explanation.

Dont think there is anything wrong with that. But I think that the more and more you realize you already have all the riches of the world inside of you and there is nothing you or anyone else can do to make you more ressourceful the less you will be able to be lured in by rich man. You will realize that no material possesions can bring you happyness.

Just as much as when men realize they already have all the validation they need in the world inside of them the less they will be allured by female beauty.

Not that you cant still enjoy it but it will loose its temptation and you wont be needy for it.

 

The need actually comes from social conditioning. You watched too many movies, ads and read books about rich and resourceful guys who were liked by many girls. Just like I watched too many ads with sexy girls in them selling me the idea that having a sexy girlfriend = happyness.

When in reality happnyess = here

Being with a rich guy wont solve your problems, just as being with a sexy girl doesnt solve mine.

[Display_Name]

I hear Jeff Bezos is single again

[Eph75]

@Sonya You do have a problem but the problem is not that you are drawn to men who take care of you in that way. Your problem is that you have a cognitive dissonance within you, you hold a contradiction within you that is throwing you off and you need to come to terms with it so that you can accept who you want to and need to be, so that you can allow yourself to love both yourself and your way of being fully. 

Pondering about the man-aspect is just a side-track, whatever you choose is right is right, as long as you yourself are fully aligned with your own choice.

In that, that best thing you could do is what you're doing now, which is to process it so that you can grow stronger and more assured in who you can be.

Edited October 11, 2019 by Eph75