I can't get over being attracted to wealthy men

[Sonya]

Leo has opened my eyes and keeps doing it all these years, I don't consider myself a neurotic person or a low conciousness so much, I try focusing on spirituality as much as I can but relationships are also important to me. I feel attracted to guys that are economically stable or more, that can provide for me and I find it strange since I can provide for myself and I'm not that materialistic, I just find myself wanting to date affluent men and I'm really turned off when a guy does not take care of me in that way. I don't mind if a guy is not that attractive, I love spiritual guys and a good and pleasant energy and personality but something about him not taking care of me materially is almost repulsive. So I ask myself, maybe I'm low conciousness still and neurotic about money or surviving, or do I have a fear inside of me? Maybe I'm still stuck in the orange stage? Is it normal to feel attracted to rich guys? Does it matter? Can I get over this?

[Ananta]

55 minutes ago, Sonya said:

So I ask myself, maybe I'm low conciousness still and neurotic about money or surviving, or do I have a fear inside of me?

I can be rough on the guys here that tout wanting the "hot" girl at all expense. I think its shallow as hell.

Well, you have the same vibe to me as that. I call girls like you "money hungry", sure you probably have some fear of being destitute deep down or maybe you like shiny stuff hanging around your neck and wrists. That's for you to figure out.

But, you like what you like I guess. Is it shallow. Yup. Doesnt mean your not a good person otherwise though. So, dont be too hard on yourself about it.

 

[Preety_India]

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a rich guy.  Your preference   

 

[Hansu]

11 hours ago, Sonya said:

something about him not taking care of me materially is almost repulsive.

If you couldnt afford your current lifestyle, would you find yourself or your effort to bring food to the table insufficient or lacking?

 

[pluto]

Yes you can, if you are aware enough to notice it, you have already passed level 1

You are already growing past it by becoming aware of it

Most people are not even aware of it so they are stuck in an endless loop of suffering, you now have option to end suffering or reduce it significantly.

Hope this helps

 

[Aeris]

12 hours ago, Sonya said:

Leo has opened my eyes and keeps doing it all these years, I don't consider myself a neurotic person or a low conciousness so much, I try focusing on spirituality as much as I can but relationships are also important to me. I feel attracted to guys that are economically stable or more, that can provide for me and I find it strange since I can provide for myself and I'm not that materialistic, I just find myself wanting to date affluent men and I'm really turned off when a guy does not take care of me in that way. I don't mind if a guy is not that attractive, I love spiritual guys and a good and pleasant energy and personality but something about him not taking care of me materially is almost repulsive. So I ask myself, maybe I'm low conciousness still and neurotic about money or surviving, or do I have a fear inside of me? Maybe I'm still stuck in the orange stage? Is it normal to feel attracted to rich guys? Does it matter? Can I get over this?

Totaly stage orange.

When you know that happiness is in pure connection and that a restaurant means absolute shit horse against the deep love of a 'poor musician'.

It's even laughable. 

Connection should happen only because of love. No neediness or ideas

 

[DrewNows]

Perhaps reflect on childhood and specifically the relationship with father figure. Unconscious relationships will be a reflection of the relationships children have and learned from their caregivers. 

[Hansu]

1 hour ago, Aeris said:

Connection should happen only because of love. No neediness or ideas

What if there was connection but personalities and life goals differed greatly? Like if I felt connection to a person whos life is a trainwreck and who's life goals would greatly differ from mine, wouldn't it be wiser to count in outside factors than to jump into the relationship knowing that there will be hardship?

Like, lets say OP wanted to pursue entrepeurship and dismissed her/his intuition to limit the partner choice to someone who understands finances, then wouldnt that spell disaster as she attempted to manage tight financial budget but the partner wanted to spend away not caring OP:s life goal? Or the partner cared about her life goal and wanted to help her but couldnt because of his/her lack of financial skills?

Edited October 7, 2019 by Hansu

[Sonya]

@Anna1

Thank you for the response! I think it really is similar to when men are attracted to women that are stereotypically pretty, it's shallow I am aware, I don't think I'm money hungry though, I'm not interested in luxury or having money for that sake of having money and I'm also independent. I just can't be with a guy that does not provide for me and it's weird, like I've been with guys that didn't take care of me and I did not like it at all, not because I couldn't do it myself but the whole vibe itself, I did not like it, it's like I lose respect for the guy and it sucks and I cut him of and I feel guilty for not being attracted to him Maybe it's just in my head and I'll get over it when I'm older who knows

[Sonya]

20 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a rich guy.  Your preference   

 

Thank you for the reply! I don't really want my guy to be rich specifically, I'm more attracted to independent and generous men, a guy can be rich but not caring or interested in providing at all and a guy can be just financially stable but take care of his girl in that way. Maybe it's just preference who knows

[Sonya]

13 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

The female energy is naturally attracted to a man who is going to be able to protect it. If you feel particularly attached to the material, or success, then it becomes an almost per default mechanism, until you outgrow the importance of the material and start finding other qualities genuinely more important. 

A man with money is not guaranteed to be a good protector. For this, you need a man who's able to see and perceive you so he gets what are you needs and thus you need to have an authentic and intimate relationship with him for that.

I find that women who are constantly chasing wealthy guys are afraid of their ability to survive on their own. In that sense, it's probably neurotic, but its also due to the fact that it is hard to compete in a social space which is still so unfriendly to our female nature at stage Orange.

Thank you this is really helpful! Yes I can understand, I just thought it's a red flag that I feel this way, I really want authenticity yes and him being wealthy and generous is not my no1 priority that I look for, I've been with guys that are rich but they didn't have the protector vibe, I find it super hard to respect a man that is not independent and stable emotionally as well not only economically. I know for a fact I can survive alone and be super happy 

[Sonya]

12 hours ago, pluto said:

Yes you can, if you are aware enough to notice it, you have already passed level 1

You are already growing past it by becoming aware of it

Most people are not even aware of it so they are stuck in an endless loop of suffering, you now have option to end suffering or reduce it significantly.

Hope this helps

 

Thank you so much for the reply! Yes I particularly asked this question because I wanted to see how other people view this. I've been on a spiritual journey from when I was 10 years old, many ups and downs with noticing neurosis but now I'm 21 and I find that relationships is something that I'm not so good at handling. I try to view this in a mindful way and sometimes I think that it holds me back, maybe it's not the wealthy and generosity part, maybe it's something else I see in men and stop feeling attracted to them. A childhood thing perhaps as someone else said in here.

[Sonya]

12 hours ago, Hansu said:

If you couldnt afford your current lifestyle, would you find yourself or your effort to bring food to the table insufficient or lacking?

 

I don't think I quite got that tbh, English is not my first language but if I got it right, if I was in a bad situation and had my own family for example I would do anything to bring food to the table, I think the ability to afford a good lifestyle is important and I would focus on that, so I can have other stuff I consider to be luxuries like focusing on self development (self help, spirituality, actualization, education etc) and giving my family that opportunity as well. I don't think I'd be suffering if I couldn't afford that, as long as my family is healthy. Maybe that has to do with survival too much

[Sonya]

11 hours ago, Aeris said:

Totaly stage orange.

When you know that happiness is in pure connection and that a restaurant means absolute shit horse against the deep love of a 'poor musician'.

It's even laughable. 

Connection should happen only because of love. No neediness or ideas

 

Thank you for the reply! I agree in the part of happiness but I don't think connection comes only because of love, to be honest I think everybody is needy in some parts of their life and some people are especially in relationships. Some events have to occur before there is love generally and everybody is different in what events lead them to love someone. I also agree that it's an orange part of me that I just haven't worked on so much. Ofcourse if you see the bigger picture, everything happens because of love and in that part I agree but in the relationship kinda love (eros) I think there's more to it.

[Sonya]

11 hours ago, DrewNows said:

Perhaps reflect on childhood and specifically the relationship with father figure. Unconscious relationships will be a reflection of the relationships children have and learned from their caregivers. 

Thank you! I was suspicious about this, I grew up an only child without a father or other family members at all except my mother who fulfilled all the roles in the house, I think that has to do soooo so much with my view on how men should treat me. Maybe it's because I saw my mother struggle and that made me think it's because she doesn't have help from a male figure. My mom also is a super strong character and she gave me much knowledge, love and care, maybe that's what my subconscious thinks should be and ideal attractive partner. 

[Sonya]

11 hours ago, Hansu said:

What if there was connection but personalities and life goals differed greatly? Like if I felt connection to a person whos life is a trainwreck and who's life goals would greatly differ from mine, wouldn't it be wiser to count in outside factors than to jump into the relationship knowing that there will be hardship?

Like, lets say OP wanted to pursue entrepeurship and dismissed her/his intuition to limit the partner choice to someone who understands finances, then wouldnt that spell disaster as she attempted to manage tight financial budget but the partner wanted to spend away not caring OP:s life goal? Or the partner cared about her life goal and wanted to help her but couldnt because of his/her lack of financial skills?

Those are great questions! I finally think this whole issue is more about me being attracted to a strong personality or some other characteristics that I can't recognize specifically now, than to someone who is rich necessarily. I now think a person who is financially stable and independent and caring is the result of a certain personality's acts and this appeals to me as attractive subconsciously. I was lost because I didn't contemplate properly this whole question, not sure still but I'll think about it more

[DrewNows]

@Sonya nice work! It seems like you  don’t respect men who aren’t independent because you hold the belief you have to be independent to xyz (whatever you desire) 

The deeper you get into your own personality the quicker this question will unravel and you can adjust as you see fit 

[Emerald]

On 10/6/2019 at 7:40 PM, Sonya said:

Leo has opened my eyes and keeps doing it all these years, I don't consider myself a neurotic person or a low conciousness so much, I try focusing on spirituality as much as I can but relationships are also important to me. I feel attracted to guys that are economically stable or more, that can provide for me and I find it strange since I can provide for myself and I'm not that materialistic, I just find myself wanting to date affluent men and I'm really turned off when a guy does not take care of me in that way. I don't mind if a guy is not that attractive, I love spiritual guys and a good and pleasant energy and personality but something about him not taking care of me materially is almost repulsive. So I ask myself, maybe I'm low conciousness still and neurotic about money or surviving, or do I have a fear inside of me? Maybe I'm still stuck in the orange stage? Is it normal to feel attracted to rich guys? Does it matter? Can I get over this?

When I was in my early 20s, I used to have a kind of fantasy image around the idea of being sexually desired by a wealthier middle aged man like in his 40s. Not super wealthy, but like middle class to upper middle class to my working class/ working poor background. 

But it didn't really have to do with the money or some idea of gaining upward mobility. It had to do with this fantasy I had around being desired a certain way with a certain setting that I appreciated at the time. And there was a certain type of music I associated with it, like Sade's "Smooth Operator" or some old vaudeville music. And I'd always envision that he would be surprised and grateful that I took interest in him because of his age, so he would value me.

And it was really indicative of the type of persona I was trying to adopt at the time. I was working hard to fit in as a school teacher, which is a job that my personality isn't very well suited to. And I always felt like I was a square peg in a round hole in the work setting around all these middle class folks. So, I had these dreams of being able to vanillify myself and blend in as socially acceptable. And I wanted people to see me as a professional young woman who was well-put-together. And somehow, this played into this fantasy a lot.

But really, this fantasy was more of an outgrowth of trying to fit a place in society that was inauthentic to me. And I'd always imagine in the fantasy, that this rigid middle-aged man with trouble expressing his sexuality was set free by me who brought back his youth for a time. And that he would open up only to me, and I'd be like a manic pixie dream girl for him.

But it occurred to me, at some point, that this uptight wealthy man was really a representation of myself and my self-imposed limitations set in place by the type of persona I was trying to occupy that wasn't fitting for me. I was always trying to be a 40 year-old woman in terms of maturity in a 23-25 year-old body. And in trying to set him free in the fantasy, it was really a metaphor for trying to set myself free.

But truly, the money was only one accessory to the whole image I was trying to embody. So, money might equal out to you as simply what it is. And it could indicate some desire for upward mobility. Or it could be some old reptilian-brain thing that lights up your pair-bonding response in relation to a man who is capable of providing.

Or if you're like me, it could be that the money is just one symbol associated with an entire inner dialogue. And it will fall away, as mine did, upon integrating other aspects of yourself.

 

 

[pluto]

8 hours ago, Sonya said:

Thank you so much for the reply! Yes I particularly asked this question because I wanted to see how other people view this. I've been on a spiritual journey from when I was 10 years old, many ups and downs with noticing neurosis but now I'm 21 and I find that relationships is something that I'm not so good at handling. I try to view this in a mindful way and sometimes I think that it holds me back, maybe it's not the wealthy and generosity part, maybe it's something else I see in men and stop feeling attracted to them. A childhood thing perhaps as someone else said in here.

My Pleasure Its how you were conditioned and raised by culture and society ect.. most women fall into this trap. Remember our subconscious mind stores everything we feed it through all our senses, even if we do not notice it, the subconscious picks up everything. It does not know from good/bad, right or wrong ect.. it simply works by reflecting what you feed it on a day to day basis through each and every sense.

Relationships are there to make you conscious, not happy. Sometimes we are drawn to certain people and things just so we can experience that its not the way to your truth and may help become more conscious of self. Someone else will never make you happy, they may help trigger or assisting in releasing something within you, but the happiness itself only comes from within, self-love, you.

You can still have relationships and enjoy life, the hard part is not getting attached and become dependant on the other because many times the person who we are with is not our life partner, they are our lessons, we help them, they help us and help ourselves bloom.

You will never find true love if you do not find it within yourself first. Its just how the universe works, like a mirror.

This is why often when we get into relationships, we bloom through love, but then struggle to let go because we become attached to the idea that, that thing or person is the One which makes you happy and is the source behind what is making you feel this way, when in reality, it was you being genuinely loving toward another thus can only reflect that frequency back to you. As Buddha said, Attachment is the Root cause of Suffering.

 

Edited October 8, 2019 by pluto

[Leo Gura]

@Sonya You want some of this action here: