Shin's Journal

[Shin]

Hi

 

It's been a while I've been to this forum, I found it to be a distraction for me (still am).

I said I would only come back if something happened.
It's not an awakening/enlightenment, but it's different numerous glimpses succeeding each other pointing clearly to an awakening.

There is different reasons for me to think this way, the main one is that I've dealt with all the major distractions that was on my mind.
The other one is that I literally want to do nothing else than to know what this is all about, for real.
 

That being said, that is what happened in the last 3 months.

A lots of synchronicities with me doing things I feel like I'm supposed to do, and the numbers 11 and 22.
For 3 months now I'm seeing them, most of the time without looking for them.
This and things like 12:34 (we don't use AM/PM here), or 2112 etc ...
At first you think it's just a coincidence, but after 3 months, now way this is random.

Reality became more and more beautiful to experience, and I've been able to experience all my senses at once while feeling extremely light, and feeling and undescribable light in me, this is deepening everyday too.
Everything I look is mysterious and seems alive.

This past weeks, I've been inquiring everyday, and now I start to not know if I'm dreaming or not, it's the same feeling (which can't be described) as in a dream, and perception of objects/people and worlds is becoming more mysterious and clear everyday.
Everything is beaming, as if it was reflecting light.

This past three days I started to give love to everyone I know before I wake up, imagine it in every situation of the day to come.
That and also opening up and giving love to everyone I see and talk to, even the people I don't like or that tries to harm me in some way.
I didn't feel anything in the beginning, it was more about having faith that it will work, and it did, I feel like being a child again, that's the best way I can describe it for now, but I can feel there is way more ...

I also was wondering what kind of question to ask in self inquiry, and like magic the new episode of Leo was released.
So I've picked and took some time to really pick the domain I really want to understand now, the choice was difficult for the last two questions, but thinking back to my past, how I feel now, and what I'm trying to do and be everyday, the choice was quite obvious.

It's also what I fled 8 months ago, that wasn't infinite pain that I felt, that was something else ...
 

I recommand this book
If you're open enough to be receptive to what she tries to  awaken in you

Your life will never be the same

 

I'll come back when I have something more to say.
I'm excited to share it with you

In the meantime, know that I think of you and send love to you everyday now

 

 

The best video on Youtube

 

 

[Ananta]

Hi there, so I saw your name on some thread just yesterday and thought "what happened to him?", "did he get banned?".... then, here you are, strange! Nice to see you're not banned and are doing well.

[mandyjw]

So happy that you came back! 

[MuddyBoots]

Just saw your new journal, I'll try not to be a distraction    Great that good things are happening for you. I checked out the book review for The Power (The Secret)  it says "the power to have anything you want"  oh that sounds a bit scary, do we want the right things?  What's that saying about being careful what you wish for ....

[Zigzag Idiot]

[Shin]

Oh boy  

 

I had a dream which had three level, in each of them I awakened, realizing it was a dream, then soon after I was in another, totally unconscious again.
This was such a mindfuck that I was shaking and crying in my bed telling myself

"I'm still dreaming, I'm still dreaming, I'm still dreaming"

 

I only remember the last level of the dream, in which I was seeing a guy (that I was identified to until I awakened in the dream) with a burned face trying to kill the computer from "A space Odyssey".

The computer was saying "I did this to you forever, and will continue to do it for eternity".
It wasn't the computer talking actually, it was me.

Then I woke up as Shin.

 

 

[Shin]

On 07/10/2019 at 2:14 AM, Anna1 said:

Hi there, so I saw your name on some thread just yesterday and thought "what happened to him?", "did he get banned?".... then, here you are, strange! Nice to see you're not banned and are doing well.

 

21 hours ago, mandyjw said:

So happy that you came back! 

 

16 hours ago, MuddyBoots said:

Just saw your new journal, I'll try not to be a distraction    Great that good things are happening for you. I checked out the book review for The Power (The Secret)  it says "the power to have anything you want"  oh that sounds a bit scary, do we want the right things?  What's that saying about being careful what you wish for ....

 

Thank you

 

The book is not really about manifestation (even though technically it is), it's about Love

[Shin]

Oh boy this is becoming serious shit
It's been a few days that I almost constantly inquire if I'm still dreaming, and it's quite uncomfortable.

It brings me to tear and lots of fear creeps in when I inquire too deeply and genuinely.
My body starts to be tense, my breath starts to become short and shallow.
All your knowledge about spirituality only counts for one thing at that point, to give explanation that you're not becoming crazy (maybe )

I'm taking the advice of @Mu_ and stay with it for at least 5 or 10 minutes, and don't try to push through it needlessly for some weeks now.
But nowadays it literally feels like my sense of what is real and what isn't is starting to fade.

When I walk or just sit, and simply ask "What if I'm still dreaming", everything becomes translucid, with a shared sense of self, and it's like nothing outside the field of perception exist.

Like I was testing it by turning my gaze fast from one direction to another, and it's like everything is constructed in a flash millisecond.
I also touch the body like a newborn does, having no idea what is is really

The most disturbing moment is when I stop in the middle of the street and do this gaze thing actually, I'm like not sure AT ALL if I'm still dreaming or not, It can become so disturbing that I have to close my eyes to not see that everything is starting to feels less solid

Bear with me I'll try not to flee this time

 

 

 

 

 

[Shin]

Another crazy day

I had a dream where I was like "oh, but this just like reality, interesting !"
Then I wake up and realized "oh, but this is just like a dream, intere... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

My chest was so cold and dead, it was super powerful and then vanished in a few seconds.
Then I think I passed out as a defense mechanism, because I don't quite remember if I was truly awake or in another dream.

It's kind of the same thing now anyway, so that's kind of becoming really uncomfortable and weird really fast

 

I hope you know what you're doing with this, this isn't some philosophy like Leo says, your whole reality will change.
I don't think it needs to be uncomfortable or scary, otherwise you would think that it's necessary and scared yourself needlessly (which could be what I'm doing subconsciously thb).

Just be careful and take care of your psychological health first, be peaceful and detached to 95% of events that happens in life, even the big ones first.
Because honestly, if my mind was the same as two years ago, I could become insane or have backlashes so huge that my life would become miserable very quickly.
There is a very good reason why most spiritual teacher tries to get yourself out of your mind and to make you peaceful first, of course it makes easier to get deep, but it's also because they know you would go insane if you didn't.

Please be careful

[Shin]

 

[Key Elements]

You could sing this song, and I think you should too, but make sure you watch your health. Get yourself checked up by a doctor and request for a blood test. Be aware and mindful of your mind and body. You could sometimes lose your health just like that.

[Shin]

On 11/17/2019 at 8:16 PM, modmyth said:

@Shin Totally appreciate the spirit of this journal.

Also, that video with Shia LaBeouf.

His last name literally means "the beef"  ***stuff no one asked about***

In which language ?

In this dream I was fleeing from a murderer with my friends for days, then we find shelter in my house and block all passage tightly.
As soon as that was done, I realized I was the serial killer and murdered all of them

On 11/18/2019 at 6:14 PM, Key Elements said:

You could sing this song, and I think you should too, but make sure you watch your health. Get yourself checked up by a doctor and request for a blood test. Be aware and mindful of your mind and body. You could sometimes lose your health just like that.

Why do you think it's a health problem ?

There is no physical or mental symptoms of anything for now, just that for me, a dream and what I experience now is not really different.

[Key Elements]

@Shin that's good that you're in good health now. I was too until something unexpected happened. Sometimes we get so caught up in life that we forget to notice other areas. I'm only saying this. Now, since I'm almost fully recovered, I could continue with my goals.

[Shin]

6 hours ago, Key Elements said:

@Shin that's good that you're in good health now. I was too until something unexpected happened. Sometimes we get so caught up in life that we forget to notice other areas. I'm only saying this. Now, since I'm almost fully recovered, I could continue with my goals.

Thank you ?

I can't ignore all the other areas of life anyway.

Awkening would just be a new beginning, there would be so much to embody for what I want to do ?

 

Edited November 21, 2019 by Shin

[Shin]

Best book I have ever read definitely.

Like I already said, it could transform your whole life if you're receptive to it.

The circumstances in which I got it was interesting and totally proved the validity of the book itself ?

 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1439181780/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1574400273&sr=8-1

[Shin]

1. "You" seek enlightenment for selfish reasons.
2. Then you realize those selfish benefits will never occur to a "you".
3. Then you realize "you" actually have to surrender all the remaining selfishness, which is the "you".
4. Then "you" die
5. Then there is the realization there was never a "you" to die in the first place.
6. Then you fake to not know yourself and "wake up" as a another "you"

 

 

 

@modmyth Maybe because it's not French

Edited November 25, 2019 by Shin

[Ananta]

 

 

10 minutes ago, Shin said:

1. "You" seek enlightenment for selfish reasons.
2. Then you realize those selfish benefits will never occur to a "you".
3. Then you realize "you" actually have to surrender all the remaining selfishness, which is the "you".
4. Then "you" die
5. Then there is the realization there was never a "you" to die in the first place.
6. Then you fake to not know yourself and "wake up" as a another "you"

 

 

 

 

Nice post!?

[Shin]

9 hours ago, modmyth said:

@Shin I totally googled it to see if that was true.

Google is wrong, it should be Leboeuf ?

 

 

So hard to embody true love, it's the most counter intuitive thing there possibly be ?

Feels so good even now though, just to love for the sake of loving, this is the way ?

[Shin]

I just don't want to let it go.

Everytime I incarnate Shin after becoming conscious that everything is consciousness (in other «dreams»), I becomes all moody and sad.

I distract myself a lot more than usual, I take everything more personally, and I become even a jerk sometimes.

For now I can still rationalize that it's just dreams, because it never happened in the waking dream.

I don't know what I would do if I had to face it full on, probably some more intense defense mechanisms.

When some teachers says that you may have some hard times, they aren't joking.

Edited November 27, 2019 by Shin

[Shin]

And on top of that, the only two friends I had that could understand what I'm going through, aren't friends anymore.

One because I've been a huge dick, the other I'm not quite sure.

So I can't even vent through it except in my mind, which doesn't help obviously ?