Clearing Out

[mandyjw]

@SilentTears

 

If I create all meaning, what does this mean?  How is that I'm able to ask such ridiculous questions?

It means there are no actual external standards for truth and false. Is light a wave or a particle? Is the dress gold/white or black/blue? 

NEITHER. Shouldn't it be obvious? We create our own meaning. Unconsciously. We can't not create, but we can learn to create consciously. What do you want to create? Who wants it? 

It's like anything could happen. 

https://www.illusionsindex.org/i/schroeder-stairs

https://www.sciencealert.com/here-s-why-you-can-t-see-all-12-black-dots-in-this-crazy-optical-illusion

"First discovered in the 1990s, the Scintillating Grid Illusion takes advantage of a neural process called lateral inhibition, which describes how an excited neuron in the brain tends to reduce the activity of its neighbours." 

Isn't that just like us? One of us gets overly excited about something and everyone else is like, "CALM THE FUCK DOWN."

Great post here. https://www.sapienism.com/post/__icu The video is from the end of the post. I had a feeling/image like I was on a train this morning in meditation. 

 

[mandyjw]

One dream, one soul, one prize, one goal
One golden glance of what should be
(It's a kind of magic)
One shaft of light that shows the way
No mortal man can win this day

The bell that rings inside your mind
It's a challenging the doors of time
(It's a kind of magic)

The waiting seems eternity
The day will dawn of sanity
It's a kind of magic
(It's a kind of magic)
There can be only one

This rage that lasts a thousand years
Will soon be gone
This flame that burns inside of me
I'm hearing secret harmonies

The bell that rings inside your mind
Is challenging the doors of time
(It's a kind of magic)
(It's a kind of magic)

This rage that lasts a thousand years
Will soon be, will soon be
Will soon be gone

 

Wooo... 

[Lento]

51 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

If I create all meaning, what does this mean?  How is that I'm able to ask such ridiculous questions?

Non-duality cannot answer this question. You'd need duality! It's called Non-duality for a reason. It's both one and two. We're never alone, because all is one ?

By the way, have you wondered yet about meaning? I mean it's really mean, isn't it? ?

53 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

It means there are no actual external standards for truth and false. Is light a wave or a particle? Is the dress gold/white or black/blue? 

NEITHER.

And BOTH. It seems as if the creator is separate from the creation, but is it really separate? Is there really an external and internal?

14 hours ago, mandyjw said:

I don't know if I have an extreme case of monkey mind or if it's burning up. Or both. 

I'd say it's both. Enjoy the ride and the monkey-mind, there's nothing to be worried about. Just go for it, and don't hold back ✌?

[mandyjw]

11 minutes ago, Lento said:

By the way, have you wondered yet about meaning? I mean it's really mean, isn't it? ?

mean me an. Oh please don't get me going again. The world doesn't need another opossum lady. "Opossum, apostle, opossum, apostle!!!" 

12 minutes ago, Lento said:

And BOTH. It seems as if the creator is separate from the creation, but is it really separate? Is there really an external and internal?

No, but I keep going flippity flop between the two. OPOSSUM, APOSTLE!

 

Elephant needs a chain. 

"Do not give all your attention away to the mind and the external world. 

There is another dimension where perfect enjoyment and peace can be accessed now. A place where nothing can affect you in a negative way—where you are safe. This is the dimension of your inner body.

By focusing your attention on the energy field within, your awareness literally shifts toward the inner world. As you read this, simply keep some of your attention on the inner body—the heart, stomach, hands and feet. As you do this, feel the energy start to increase just as you become more aware of the present moment.  

Perhaps there are people around you and things happening. There also may be thoughts about what you want to get done today, concerns about this or that—but now you also feel an element of inner peace in spite of the external realities. You no longer feel pulled in multiple directions, no longer rushed, no longer clinging to external goals or results." -(Eckhart Tolle)

[Lento]

@mandyjw

In Arabic; the words 'suffering' (moana) and 'meaning' (maana) both come from the same source, they both share the same root word; (ana). Now, "ana" in Arabic means "me". So, there you go. You're not imagining anything ?

[mandyjw]

@Lento

Noticed an "exit only" sign and was thinking about it philosophically. Followed a truck that on the way back turned off and went in the exit only. 

I told myself "Let it lie" on the way home and it echoed in my head until the meaning changed, lie/lie. Got stuck behind a roadwork truck and a tractor trailer came up behind me really fast and tailgated me pushing me to pass before I was ready (so I unnecessarily thought). Feeling small, noticed the mudflap on the truck ahead of me. "Fairfield"  We all be playing on a level field. 

I was wondering about why I like to remember and record synchronicity so much, who am I keeping this journal for, should I let it go? 

Then a song came on starting with the line... "I'm done hatin' myself for feelin'"

 

 

 

Edited February 10, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

I had a really general, but really bad thought or feeling today. I've made huge strides and as someone who dealt with depression quite a bit over every single winter. It doesn't even feel like winter. I see through the fantastically flawed mind interpretations behind the actual experience mostly now. Certain things lined up today to make me more "prone" to my old way of thinking, weather, illness, getting called into speak with the teacher about my son's behavior outburst. Actually curiosity and self love is increasing as I write because now that I think there were even more triggers than that. I ended up parking in a spot I never park in anymore, the same spot I parked in everyday for two years two years ago. And I saw and spoke to a friend I haven't seen but saw everyday two years ago.

There weren't any thoughts leading up to it, complaining of the situation, or at least many of them. A half hour later I had this feeling or thought come in. It was a general feeling of despair and giving up on life in general but with the flavor/thought of twisting "what I know now" around and making non duality and isness (or isn'tness) into a liability. 

I felt it and then got curious about it, and recognized it as a judgmental thought, only the target of the judgement thought was my existence itself. 

Abraham Hicks talks about going general with your thinking about projects when you feel bad, going into specifics when you feel good. I wonder if with negative thoughts it works the opposite way, the more general the negative thought the worse it feels. "I don't like my nose" feels bad but much better than I don't like my existence. 

The curiosity broke through the feeling bad. Curiosity breaks through identification. Which is curious. 

Edited February 10, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

If I let go of judgmental thoughts, how will I know if I'm doing a good job or not?

By the way it feels. No good, no work to be done. How can YOU do "good work"? 

Well you see, that's what I've been beating myself up about. I think that maybe I've been a complete fool on this forum, maybe in life in general, and am unworthy of delving into these topics at all. This journal is a major embarrassment, just like the others I wrote in the past. I'm an embarrassment. Maybe I've fucked up my life, maybe I am crazy and should have just stayed out of it all. Every time I plunge into a creative endeavor, or follow my dreams, I experience incredible highs and low lows in which I experience intense disappointment that everyone else didn't follow or appreciate the highs along with me. 

So who are these other people? 

Thoughts. My own judgmental thoughts. I blame other people for my own fear, my own lack of love for myself and them. 

Can you tell yourself a new story about the experience of creative power?

She's wild, She's chaotic, She's the force of nature. She sinks ships, burns and topples houses, but She is the very life force they were created from. 

 

[mandyjw]

So how do "people" respond to forces of nature?

With a random mix of judgments depending on their level of consciousness and how personaly affected they are by them at the time. Sometimes they are inspired and sometimes they are furious. 

So if an enthusiastic skier is thrilled if there's a blizzard and someone else curses it, wouldn't it make sense that a creative expression would also receive mixed reactions? Don't you already know this from the reactions of people to every creative project that's ever been manifested? 

Yes, but I need everyone to love me.

*Giant face palm* 

 

[mandyjw]

What are the things that frequently trigger feelings of embarrassment in people? 

Altered states of consciousness, deep feelings, sex, drugs, shows of vulnerability, creative work, not being "all there".

So essentially any time the mind is put aside to let something else through, any time the ego is threatened? 

What is the function of judgement? 

To protect the ego/cut oneself off from Love. 

What is the function of self judgement? 

To get ahead of or prevent judgement from others, so that one does not have to experience judgment from others, they first judge themselves in their head. No one will burn their book and write them hate letters if they never write it. 

Is there any difference between the one who is judging, the aspiring author who judges the ideas and therefore never writes them down, or the person who burns the book? 

No, it is the entirely same protection of self and rejection of Love occurring. 

So can anyone prevent something occurring by doing it first? If you were afraid that you were going to get in a car accident, would you decide to drive your car off a cliff, to "get ahead of it"? 

Do you see now how the law of attraction works? You do to yourself what you wouldn't have others do unto you. 

Did you just reverse and mirror The Golden Rule? "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

No, but you did.  

Edited February 11, 2020 by mandyjw

[Lento]

@mandyjw

Do we create the judgements? Or, do they create us?

Do we create the thoughts? Or, do they create us?

Did God create us? Or, did we create It?

[mandyjw]

This leads straight into my deepest fear though, the one that's beneath the surface of this visible iceberg and goes down through to the depths of the sea. What if no one ever reads the book? What if no one reads and appreciates this journal or whatever else I do? What if no one appreciates me? What if I can only ever appreciate myself? Isn't that narcissistic? Unsatisfactory?

How could you be appreciating yourself if you were feeling unsatisfied? The two cannot coexist. How can it be narcissistic if there is no you and no other? Is Narcissus truly looking at his own reflection, or the water itself? Do you see that the choice or thought of interpretation of "seen" and "meaning" and "ownership" that makes all the difference? That, is what gives birth to judgement, that is what creates the narcissist and the empath, and yes my dear, if you are one of these you must also be the other. 

What if I am entirely alone? What if I am only talking to myself? 

Who am I? Whose hands are moving along the keyboard that you've already worn the letters off of, again? Whose voice speaks through the others in conversation with you during the times in which everything aligns, the ones you so deeply love and who's love and acceptance you long after? Who withholds this love? Who owns this love?  Who can "see" another? Who knows the "right" things to say in response to another? Do you remember the day you crossed the brook on a fallen tree? 

It was hard to keep my balance so I reached out, and I grabbed some thin tree branches that were there. Oddly enough, when I was holding on to them, they gave me perfect balance and confidence, even though I knew intellectually that if I fell or even twisted them with my hand very much at all, they would break off in a second and fall into the water and rocks along with me. 

Were the branches magic? Or did they allow you to focus? What happened to Peter when he was walking on water and became aware of the strong wind? Can't you see the true teacher or guru is the insignificant tree branch? The moment that the guru or student imagines the guru himself to be a strong upholding force of his own inherent accord, his true purpose as a teacher has disappeared. Do you want to have the strong tree to lean on? Or do you want to be the focus that takes you all the way across the water?  Do you need to be the strong tree for others who holds them "safely" in their place or the illusory soft branch that mysteriously serves in the awakening of Love, already residing in the heart?

 

 

 

Edited February 11, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

"One day Narcissus was walking in the woods when Echo, an Oread (mountain nymph) saw him, fell deeply in love, and followed him. Narcissus sensed he was being followed and shouted "Who's there?". Echo repeated "Who's there?" She eventually revealed her identity and attempted to embrace him. He stepped away and told her to leave him alone. She was heartbroken and spent the rest of her life in lonely glens until nothing but an echo sound remained of her. 

Nemesis (as an aspect of Aphrodite[4]), the goddess of revenge, noticed this behaviour after learning the story and decided to punish Narcissus. Once, during the summer, he was getting thirsty after hunting, and the goddess lured him to a pool where he leaned upon the water and saw himself in the bloom of youth. Narcissus did not realize it was merely his own reflection and fell deeply in love with it, as if it were somebody else. Unable to leave the allure of his image, he eventually realized that his love could not be reciprocated and he melted away from the fire of passion burning inside him, eventually turning into a gold and white flower." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissus_(mythology)

 

So in the end, Narcissus becomes the secret of the golden flower. Enlightened. It's not a sad ending, at all, it's a happy one. 

 

[mandyjw]

I just got back from the vet's office, and they were behind schedule but I had a really wonderful time talking to people. There was a black puppy there owned by a young guy and the dog's name was Rocky (my black dog Rocky died in May) and Muninn and Rocky played together a long time. There was a really nice lady there who told me about a dog park nearby and I got to learn the difference between Old English Bulldogs and English Bulldogs. This lady eventually brought in her dog, a white female who was absolutely wild. Her name was Suki. "Gender: Female. Origin: Japanese. Meaning: Beloved." 

The same delivery man who doesn't like dogs but also thinks he can mesmerize them also came in again, and ended up sort of sandwiched by circumstance between the enormous bulldog and Muninn. 

Edited February 12, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Annoying intuition this morning told me to wear my Def Leppard tank top under my usual two thick sweaters. I just took off my sweater and remembered this and searched for Def Leppard music. I never knew this song even existed. 

 

[mandyjw]

You create it/ it creates you. @Faceless said "The words we use tend to use us" 

English language, I passionately love you. Use me, consume me. cons/u/me 

time mirrored is emit

now- won -one

wordsword sword

[mandyjw]

Psycho logical hows that for a duality, yin and yang in one word?  

Oh.. words, letters, characters, care actors, did you seduce me or did I seduce you? You're both funny, charming AND profound. 

seduce, deduce  I love the intimacy, into me see? Peer amid. 

individual in divi dual, divisible. theVISIBLE, duh! 

 

 

[mandyjw]

fact 

know ledge

content content

1.in a state of peaceful happiness.

2.the things that are held or included in something.

What do you MEAN you can't be content?  Oh, I crack myself up and fall into all the pieces of the content. 

Edited February 12, 2020 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

Author ity 

"An author is the creator or originator of any written work such as a book or play, and is also considered a writer. More broadly defined, an author is the person who originated or gave existence to anything" and whose authorship determines responsibility for what was created."  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Author

ob live ious  live/evil

existence sentence tence tense tense

1. (especially of a muscle or someone's body) stretched tight or rigid. late 17th century: from Latin tensus ‘stretched’, from the verb tendere .

2. a set of forms taken by a verb to indicate the time (and sometimes also the continuance or completeness) of the action in relation to the time of the utterance. Middle English (in the general sense ‘time’): from Old French tens, from Latin tempus ‘time’.

scin·til·lat·ing - "sparkling or shining brightly." "brilliantly and excitingly clever or skillful."

[mandyjw]

 I'm realizing that the judgement of "distraction" IS itself distraction. I'm realizing how the Harry Potter books were about as important to me as Christianity, and as "true" as, the stunning way that things that are overlooked connect are are seen in the end of the books and the underlying theme of courage keeps coming to mind. 

I was reading through Faceless' old posts, he says that "any action positive-negative continues to fragment."

This is the importance of sensation because the mind is using judgement and separation to define positive and negative. This is so profound and so easily glossed over, it blows my mind. One must feel what that negative movement is to know when it happens and they must be aware to feel it. 

My mind is unable to "judge" how "I'm doing", when it thinks about it, it's either like "HA YOU FUCKING IDIOT, this was SO obvious" and the further I go the more obvious it seems things "should have" been or it thinks that it has unlocked the secrets of the universe and quickly makes all kinds of unsatisfying dualities, stories and ramifications out of that. "Oooo, I'm so beautiful, look at my reflection, no one can ever love me like I love me, oh it breaks my beautiful Narcissus heart." Satisfaction is just laughing about it, appreciating it as it is, or isn't. There's no I and no doing. 

Like an elephant with a chain breaks the loop of back and forth thinking, ultimately it's irrelephant. 

Edited February 12, 2020 by mandyjw